The Portable Dorothy Parker

Barry Pierce

Rating: really liked it
Dorothy Parker, renowned wit, critic, poet and short-story writer. Take note of that order.

Picasso once said of Cézanne that he was 'the father of us all'. Well, in similar terms, Dorothy Parker is my biological mother. Which makes me Picasso I guess, which I'll take.

Parker's book reviews are the finest of the form. She was truly the queen of mean. As 'The Constant Reader' she praised and demolished the latest novels with such wit and grace that oftentimes the review was better than the work is discussed. She often filled her reviews with stories of her personal life or stray observations on society. Despite dying in 1967, her vicious tongue has never been equalled. I view Dorothy Parker as my greatest influence. As many people light candles in front of the Sacred Heart, I follow a similar regime with Parker, muttering incantations in front of her image and never gazing too long into her eyes.

Thus The Portable Dorothy Parker is a volume which I believed would be a fitting replacement for the Holy Book. Which it somewhat is. In that it only gets really good near the end and you spend most of your time skipping over the bad bits.

You see The Portable Dorothy Parker would be better titled The Short Stories of Dorothy Parker, interspersed by her Poetry with a paltry sampling of her Criticism, Reviews, Letters and Interviews.

I am first to admit that I am not a huge fan of Parker's short stories. Don't get me wrong, she had many wonderful stories: Big Blonde, Arrangement in Black and White, The Waltz, From the Diary of a New York Lady and The Game are some shining examples. But almost five-hundred pages of this six-hundred page volume are dedicated to her stories, many of which are just not good. There's a reason why we don't immediately think 'short story writer' when we hear Parker's name.

I feel the term 'hit and miss' was coined specifically for her short fiction. Those that hit are blinding critiques of early-20th century society, full of one-liners and characters which are equally as devastating. The misses are unreadable. Nothing much being written about nothing much. Therefore at time this volume is an absolute pain to get through, whilst at other times you want to rip each page out and frame them along a staircase.

Most of my praise for this volume comes from the measly hundred pages dedicated to her non-fiction. This is where Parker Comes Alive! Such glittering meanness from the mouth of the poison Madonna. It depresses me so much. I'll never be her. The best I can do is plagiarise, which has served me quite well for many years. Sometime during my twenties I'll probably get a Dorothy Parker quote tattooed onto my skin, right next to my stigmata.

Overall The Portable Dorothy Parker is a somewhat skewed collection of her finest writings. There is absolute gold in here, but one must sift through the mud first. Perhaps it is one for the fans.

Cambra

Rating: really liked it
today the Algonquin Hotel bar offers for the ultimate fan the "Mrs. Parker" = a $15 cosmopolitan. If you're as nerdy as me, you'll bring the book with you to read while you nurse the shit out of a week's food money.

Joe Valdez

Rating: really liked it
This portable library of short stories, poems and reviews by the author, poet and critic Dorothy Parker was loaned by a friend who attached the following advice: "Parker might be best digested one bite at a time." Over the past two months, I've been doing that, eating lunch and digesting Parker's wit twenty pages at a time.

My first impression, which I was proud of myself for making at the time, was that these pieces read like something that would appear in the New Yorker. I soon discovered that Parker was considered instrumental in making the New Yorker into the New Yorker; founded in 1925 by Harold Ross, the magazine published Parker's work irregularly from 1926 to 1955.

When I think of "the New Yorker short story" I think of tofu; healthy and totally lacking in flavor. These droll literary observations of modern living would conceivably need a dash of Larry David or a side order of Jack Handey for me to remember them. It is in this tradition that I recount what I'd consider to be the best of Dorothy Parker.

-- Arrangement In Black and White. An incessantly annoying party goer insists on being introduced to the guest of honor, a "colored" singer, revealing her own bigotry in the process.

-- The Standard of Living. Two stenographers -- Annabel and Midge -- spend their free afternoons walking Fifth Avenue playing a favorite game: If you someone left you a million dollars and instructed you to spend it on yourself, what would you do? Fantasy money only buys fantasy happiness.

-- Mr. Durant. An assistant manager in the credit department of a rubber factory impresses himself by handling a situation with a secretary who reveals she's "in trouble" in a delicate way. Returning to his family, Mr. Durant reveals his misogamy over a stray dog his children ask to keep.

-- Mrs. Hofstadter on Josephine Street. A couple visit an employment agency for a referral on a servant and receive the most enthusiastic recommendation, a man named Horace who arrives at their home with too much enthusiasm for the couple to tolerate.

-- Big Blonde. Self-described "good sport" Hazel Morse decides to settle down in her mid-thirties by accepting a marriage proposal. Discontent and alcohol turns them from lovers to enemies and as the relationship dies, Hazel considers doing likewise. Her maid, Nettie, has other ideas.

I enjoyed quite a bit of Parker's poetry as well, particularly her six epithets, Tombstones in the Starlight.

III. The Very Rich Man
He'd have the best, and that was none too good;
No barrier could hold, before his terms.
He lies below, correct in cypress wood,
And entertains the most exclusive worms.

Unfortunately, much of what remains in this collection grew tedious. Three of the pieces (The Lovely Leave, A Telephone Call, New York to Detroit) seem like drafts of the same story: a lonely woman waits by the telephone for her man to call her. Parker's women/ Parker can seem hysterical, and not in a screwball, Katharine Hepburn sort of way.

Flannery O'Connor remains my favorite short story writer, a woman who was truly ahead of her time, lighting Molotov cocktails at the dawn of the Civil Rights movement. While I remain haunted by O'Connor's imagination, I can only say of Parker that she was a fine craftsman of the written word, prodigious and consistent.

Jessica

Rating: really liked it
So you want to write? Pick up this collection of poetry, short stories, essays, and criticism and bow to the master. Looking for a cutting remark? Dorothy Parker already said it, and said it best. But the sharpness of her critical knife and the sharpness of her wit do not undercut, and in fact enhance, the truly earned moments of deep feeling that keep her characters from being merely brittle.

El

Rating: really liked it
I thought everyone knew who Dorothy Parker was, regardless if everyone has read her or not. But then recently I mentioned at work that I was reading her and the guy I was talking to said "Oh, who is Dorothy Parker?"

I read a lot of these stories back in my early 20s, which I think was the right time to read Dorothy Parker for the first time. I was much more impressed back then, like most readers in their early 20s are. But what's funny is that as the yeas have passed, I realized I forgot most of these stories, or at least what most of the stories were about. Returning now in my late 30s I can still appreciate the sardonic wit Parker is best known for, but I've had many more years of my own jading happen, and now reading Parker is sort of... been there, done that.

Many of her stories are similar, which is not a bad thing in itself. I would recommend breaking up these readings over a longer stretch of time, or you will find yourself feeling a bit under the weather. Yes, there are funny moments, but these stories are mostly those sad-funny moments, where you sort of smirk but you're mostly just sad at the people these events are happening to. It's sort of like everyday life, if you're like me, where you hate the majority of people but still are incredibly sad by the things that you see happening to them.

I never read the reviews back in the day, so I was glad to get out of the stories and into them now. I find her reviews much more palatable - they are intelligent, and entertaining, and I could easily see myself cracking open the paper back in her day just to read her reviews on whichever book she praised or trashed that week. I think that was where her true talent was, in reviews, instead of creating characters and keeping up dialogue in her short stories, some of which were better executed than others.

Her poems... well, I'm not much of a poem-reader right now (I go through phases) and it's hard for me to discuss poems when I'm going through a non-poem phase as I am right now. I did find that she packed a harder punch in the shorter poems than the longer poems, and feel that this could also be said about her short stories as well. Some of the better stories were the shorter ones.

Overall, I still appreciate Parker for her writing, even though I find myself not really enjoying it as much now as I used to. I recommend not listening to Morrissey while reading Dorothy Parker, because you will want to die by the end of the day.

Stephy

Rating: really liked it
I enjoyed this book enormously. I used to love it. I still like it a great deal. Her writing has not changed, it is still rich and full of wonderful words arranged into beautiful, sentences, clever paragraphs. The whole work still has great value. Dorothy Parker's legendary acerbic wit amused me no end as a young woman. What has changed is my perspective. As I have gotten older, I have come to view it as an internal rage, vented upon everyone around her. She remains a great read, but now I feel just a little bit sorrier for her than I did in younger days. I'm guessing she experienced more than a bit of Women's Oppression Sickness, and the rapier tongue was a way of responding to a culture that often devalued literary women. My own background is in Women's and gay and lesbian studies. Parker was a legend in her time, and deservedly so. Please read her many writings, and form your own opinion.

Drew Canole

Rating: really liked it
Loads of really wonderful short stories. Mostly about depressing urban living - typically in drunk stupors or boring marriages.

I wasn’t a big fan of the poetry, and skimmed over the letters and various articles the new edition packed.

I picked this up because of the Penguin Deluxe Edition... it's designed by the cartoonist Seth!

Jessica

Rating: really liked it
Well, I know just how she feels, which might be why I don't always enjoy this stuff so much. Reading Parker is a bit like having an IM conversation with myself, if I were a lot smarter, a much better writer, and a way bigger alcoholic.

Ramsey

Rating: really liked it
Such a witty woman. I want to have lunch with her and listen to the ramblings of a dark, entertaining mind. She wrote humorous poems about how bad she is at committing suicide. She talked about the men in her life the same way us guys talk about women.

A Certain Lady by Dorothy Parker
Oh, I can smile for you, and tilt my head,
And drink your rushing words with eager lips,
And paint my mouth for you a fragrant red,
And trace your brows with tutored finger-tips.
When you rehearse your list of loves to me,
Oh, I can laugh and marvel, rapturous-eyed.
And you laugh back, nor can you ever see
The thousand little deaths my heart has died.
And you believe, so well I know my part,
That I am gay as morning, light as snow,
And all the straining things within my heart
You'll never know.

Oh, I can laugh and listen, when we meet,
And you bring tales of fresh adventurings, --
Of ladies delicately indiscreet,
Of lingering hands, and gently whispered things.
And you are pleased with me, and strive anew
To sing me sagas of your late delights.
Thus do you want me -- marveling, gay, and true,
Nor do you see my staring eyes of nights.
And when, in search of novelty, you stray,
Oh, I can kiss you blithely as you go ....
And what goes on, my love, while you're away,
You'll never know.

Clare

Rating: really liked it
After I wrote a particularly scathing review of the unedited re-release of Apocalypse Now for my Critical Reviewing class in college (actual line from the review: "Around the third hour or so, I became convinced that the real genius of this film was not Coppola himself but rather the person who forced him to cut at least an hour out of Apocalypse Now in the first place"), my professor compared me to Dorothy Parker. Or maybe he just suggested I read her, but my ego prefers the first version. Anyway, seven years after this recommendation, I finally bought myself a copy of this book. It took me another full year to summon the courage to crack open the 600-plus-page tome. Six months later, I have finally finished it. For those of you keeping track at home, that means it took me 8.5 years to get to this point. But oh, it was worth the wait. In fact, I'm just sad that some hipster T-shirt company hasn't made a "What Would Dorothy Parker Do?" shirt, because I think I'm making that my new motto.

I have always delighted in the thrill of delivering a well-crafted zinger, so Dorothy Parker is like my patron saint. The short stories and reviews were by far my favorite sections of the book (within those, the dialogue between the just-married couple on the train and her review of a ludicrous A.A. Milne play were my absolute favorites). In the introduction, the editor points out that Dorothy Parker considered it a great failure that she was never able to write a novel; after reading her short stories, I think I can see why. Parker has such utter (yet amusing) disdain for all of her characters; I think a novelist must at least like one or two of her characters a little bit if she's going to spend that much time with them. However, I didn't see this as a failure; rather, I consider Parker a success in that she's one of the only writers I've come across so far who's been able to completely master the short story.

I do confess that I skimmed over most of the poetry (perhaps I'll go back and read it someday, but poetry just can't hold my attention before bed), and while there were some nice lines and some interesting insights into her personal life contained within her letters, some of those included were so pointlessly incongruous that I wondered if I was going to stumble upon a chapter of her old dry-cleaning receipts next. (See, I'm already putting my WWDPD? philosophy to use. I hope she would be proud.)

Kaethe

Rating: really liked it
I have a major literary crush on Parker. I'm a sucker for a funny line, and Parker had a lot of those.

Alex

Rating: really liked it
It's a constant concern: Are You In A Dorothy Parker Story? And does your laugh sound like a suicide attempt? So, in the interest of research, here are some Dorothy Parker stories.

Big Blonde is Parker's most famous short story. It's a direct response to Anita Loos's terrific Gentlemen Prefer Blondes - an unauthorized sequel, in fact. And if you thought Parker was all blithe sarcastic one-liners, here's her at her most cynical. Here's what happens to good sports - ain't we got fun? It's a great story and absolutely dark as fuck, just pure nihilism.

I'm pretty sure Graham Greene borrowed Hazel Morse for his character Ida Arnold in Brighton Rock, btw.

I liked Arrangement in Black & White (racist lady is horrible), that was funny.

You Were Perfectly Fine (drunk guy has a new girlfriend, oops) and The Telephone Call (he's not going to call), I didn't like so much. Both a little...what, mean? Too much bummer, not enough smart? I didn't think they were offering me anything, really. One starts to get the impression that Parker isn't crazy about women. If a man wrote these stories we'd call him gross.

The Game, from Part II - not in Parker's original selection for the first Portable edition - is terrific. Extremely dark. About a dinner party where a charades-like game gets out of hand. My favorite so far.

Amy

Rating: really liked it
A collection of Parker's short stories and poetry. The author is best known for her wit and finding the humor in the darkest of circumstances. I wish that I had read this book a bit at a time instead of trying to power through it. Still, there was plenty to enjoy in this collection. I think I most admire Parker's characterizations. The dialogue is so good that you can hear the voices in their own distinct rhythms and accents. And many of the stories did make me laugh. It would be hard to not find someone you recognize in at least one of her stories.

A common theme, however, seems to be finding a man, holding on to a man or suffering for men. This made me wonder about Parker as a person and what inspired this pervading theme. Her mother died when she was 5 and she loathed her father and stepmother. Her first husband she lost in WWI and her second husband was rumored to be bisexual, something that Parker joked about with friends. None of which gives much clue to her writing. I'm sure there is an annotated edition with more information, but for now I am content with having finished the book and having enjoyed most of it.

Jeanette (Ms. Feisty)

Rating: really liked it
I only read from page 445 to the end. Her short stories take up the first several hundred pages. They are dry and boring and contain not a hint of her trademark wit, so I skipped them.

The miscellaneous non-fiction pieces at the back of the book are the jewels in her scribbler's crown. Book reviews, theater critiques, magazine articles, and private letters -- a cornucopia of her peculiar observations and famed turns of phrase. Parker was a very funny lady, and a brutally honest one as well. Her writing has barbs, but it's all in fun, and she's just as likely to pick on herself as on anyone else.

Alexander Woollcott once affectionately said of Dorothy Parker: "That bird only sings when she's unhappy." True perhaps, but what a voice. Forget the short stories. Read the non-fiction. Her style hums with more personality than any writer I've ever read.

Jill Hutchinson

Rating: really liked it
If you are a fan of the witty, acerbic Miss Parker then this is the book that you must have. It contains reviews, poetry, articles, and short stories......everything you need to satisfy your soul. Enough said.....just wonderful.