User Reviews
Rating: really liked it
so basically, this is written by hazel hayes, an irish woman i would die for, and it’s blurbed by aisling bea, an irish woman i would die for
Rating: really liked it
this book will utterly shatter you
starting at the end and getting to know and understand these two characters more as they move back in time is a guaranteed way to leave you bawling at the final chapter; full of hope and excitement for a relationship you’ve already read to be doomed.
Rating: really liked it
I loved this book, but it also hurt me and broke my heart which is incredibly rude. We follow our unnamed female protagonist as she is parting from her long-term, live-in boyfriend. The book then goes in reverse, recounting events until we get to the end of the book and the day she meets Theo
Because this love story starts at the end, at the breakdown of a relationship, the pacing and drive of the story is unlike anything I've read before. I wanted to keep reading to find out what led to this inevitable break up and where their issues originated from. Because of that, it was pretty heavy emotionally. We're seeing the deterioration of a relationship, two people losing each other and falling out of love, and it actually made me feel pretty emotional at times
This book is completely driven by the protagonist. We get to know her and her priorities alongside understanding why her relationship with Theo ended. This book has important discussions on mental health and therapy, as our protagonist suffers from depression and anxiety
Something I couldn't relate to but loved, and felt viscerally, was the protagonist's love of her home country and Irish culture. I could feel the pain she felt towards moving away from Ireland and her family. And more than this story being a love story told in reverse, it's also a story of family, loss, self-discovery, and friendship (we all deserve a Maya in our lives)
I'd recommend this book is you enjoyed Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine, The Other Half of Augusta Hope and The Flatshare. I wouldn't directly compare it to any of them, but I felt like the vibe was all of them mixed together
TW: mentions of suicide, emotional and sexual abuse, and drug abuse/alcoholism, grief
Be warned, this book uses many swear words, especially the C- and F-bombs. I don't mind swearing, but just know that in case it bothers you
*This book was sent to me by the publisher in exchange for an honest review*
Rating: really liked it
I was really excited to read this book and would like to preface by saying that Hazel is an absolute gem. There are also some really lovely lines and moments in the book but I feel as though there is a good reason why we don’t tell stories in reverse- it just doesn’t work. The book doesn’t go anywhere, the first chapter is the break up and the last chapter is how they met. As such, the rest of the book just confirms the things we already know from the offset (and don’t particularly need to have explained).
It’s a frustrating read, not only because we already know everything that’s ever going to happen but because I spent the first few pages of each chapter trying to figure out where I was in the timeline of the relationship. By the time I’d figured out how many weeks/months/years before the previous chapter we were, I hadn’t actually read the page in front of me.
The most successful chapters were the ones where the protagonist was recounting events to another character through flashbacks (because we are tied to a more definite sense of time or place) but there are only three of those (the opening chapter, the chapter with Maya after Paris and the therapy session). I can’t help but think the rest of the book would have been better if it had been carried out in the same format, the protagonist still moving forward in time but using flashbacks to shed light on her past.
There’s no doubt that the book has lovely moments of sentiment but the structure is awkward and I can’t see myself picking it up again.
Rating: really liked it
Wow! What a creative way of reviewing the anatomy of broken/ toxic relationship by moving backwards: witnessing the breakup and going back with time jumps to learn why things didn’t work out: it made me feel like reading dramatic/ romantic version of Memento! The movie also starts with its ending and you move backwards step by step to find out what was the real reason behind things got out of control!
I didn’t watch YouTube videos of the author till I read the book but I realized she’s doing quiet brilliant job. I enjoyed her sense of humor, smart comments, her naturalness and I highly recommend you to check them out.
And I have to admit this book is such a great start with this interesting concept which made me push request button harder after reading the blurb. I’m sold at first sight.
But... yes my unpopular but comments are about to come:
Even though I liked this unique concept, there are some problematic things bothered me to enjoy the full ride.
I liked to start my pros because I always like to concentrate on good things in books : I know how hard the creation process and criticizing things without thinking further is easier.
So the idea and execution between time jumps and focusing on mental health, family dynamics, relationships were great choices to form an inspirational and thought provoking story.
But here are my cons:
Unfortunately I tried too hard to connect with the protagonist who shall not be named and Theo was typical horrible person who never ever earned my sympathy. He can be quiet easily punchable douchebag.
Reading about toxic relationships is always enlightening experience but i always like to read the characters I truly care about. If I could care any of them, reading of their self discovery and painful journey could help me to empathize with them. So the characterization part of the book failed me!
The subject choice and creative plot line intrigued me. So I’m still looking forward to read future works of the author ( actually watching videos and putting a face on the creator and her Irish heritage are also the factors made me more interested) !
So this time I’m giving three solid, it’s okay read but it could be better, getting rid of toxic relationships and toxic people as I’m listening Britney’s Toxic song stars!
Special thanks to NetGalley and PENGUIN GROUP Dutton for sharing this digital reviewer copy with me in exchange my honest opinions.
Rating: really liked it
In the About the Author section, it says Hazel Hayes made the switch from horror to romance because there is “nothing more horrific than love.” That perfectly encapsulates this emotional novel.
This story traces a couple’s relationship backwards from its heart-wrenching end to its bright and hopeful beginning. The unnamed protagonist is expecting her ex, Theo, to pick up the remainder of his possessions while she contemplates how their once love-filled romance came to this cold and tragic split. She can pinpoint the exact moments when her partner fell in and out of love with her.
There are conversations on mental health, including depression, anxiety, panic attacks, trauma, and ptsd. There are also discussions on race, sexuality and what it was like for our left-leaning character to date someone whose family has conservative views.
I loved the main character’s mom, she would literally drop everything at a moment’s notice and fly on a plane to support her daughter in any way that she could. And the MC’s friend, Maya, everyone needs a friend like her.
This definitely broke my cold black heart and then jaggedly stitched it back together. I look forward to more from the author and will gobble up anything else that Hazel Hayes chooses to write.
CW: suicide ideation and non-descriptive sexual assault.
Thank you to Penguin Group Dutton for the ARC provided via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
Rating: really liked it
I didn’t like the concept of reverse storytelling.
The main lead’s boyfriend was a douchebag. He has broken up with her. The first chapter basically tells the whole story.
The whole book is about how they came to the point of break. It’s pretty obvious. The reverse going was confusing. Also we hate the guy so why would we like to know how she met him.
This book was sad and depressing. There’s no outcome. We know what’s gonna happen. My attention span is already very low. If the book doesn’t have any mystery or spice then I’m out of it.
I skim read it.
Though I must say that the author’s writing wasn’t bad. I might read her other books.
Rating: really liked it
DNF @ 250pgs
I rarely rate DNFs and normally don't even count them as finished books, but I was so close with this one I'm counting it! Quite frankly, I did not like this, at all! Only reason it isn't 1 star is because it wasn't outright offensive
Rating: really liked it
I saw Hazel's tweet asking for reviews from people who've finished the book already, so figured I should lose my goodreads virginity!
Since Hazel first made a video asking for donations to fund writing this I've been really looking forward to reading the book, I enjoy her storytelling style in vlog format and short horror film, but if I am honest with myself I'd give this a 2.5 out of 5 (though can't select that, so hit 3 instead of 2!)
The woman can write, there's no doubt, but this just wasn't anything special and I'm sure I amn't the only of her followers who found it impossible to separate the characters from her and the people in her online life. The book appears to document her real breakup with her ex boyfriend, Ollie, and is so in line with her real life from all she has shared from vlogs that I don't know why she didn't simply write a memoir.
The concept isn't unique, either. Love story in reverse is the tagline from How I Met Your Mother and though this was executed differently, I found that, as the book went on, I just didn't really care because I knew where the characters would end up. That's how our brains are wired, I suppose. To want to know what's going to happen. But we don't get that payoff here. We get a lot of telling and little showing, we get an odd exploration of bisexuality that really didn't feel like it fit, though the reason I gave it 2.5 is the really great one liners sprinkled throughout. The writing is solid, but there just wasn't enough happening and there was no resolution which should have been obvious going in. We all know why people break up, I would have enjoyed more of the how they fell in love I just didn't really feel it.
It's pretty awesome to have a documentation of the breakup of a relevant relationship in your life, physical and in your hands, it's just also kind-of morbid or something, I couldn't keep that thought out of my head through every single chapter. How this happened five years ago (I've watched the author on YouTube that long! longer actually!) and how she must have been reliving it every day ever since, prompting this book and the idea.
I'd recommend the read if you're already a fan of the YouTuber
Rating: really liked it
"Do you always deflect difficult emotions with humour?" It's not everyday that i get to finally find and read a book that it's gonna end up being one of my all time favorite reads. I finished it hours ago and i still don't think that i can put into words how much i connected with the heroine and how i found myself not wanting to keep reading cause i simply didn't want this to end. Hazel Hayes is a total genius for making this book start with the ending of the relatioship and finishing it with the day our characters met. From the very first few pages i was already so invested in the heroine's story and i was so emotional with everything going on i felt like i already read the book. The whole backwards plot makes you want to continue the book because in one way or another you just have to know what went wrong with them why did they end up the way they did. Out of love may sound like a romance, well, a sad romance between two people that were toxic for each other, but it's so much more. It's a character study, focusing more on our heroine. Our character deals with anxiety and depression and in the end she is brave enough to go see a therapist in hopes of “fixing” herself. Dealing with anxiety myself, I sometimes felt like this book was talking about me instead of the characters, and that's probably why her story felt so real to me. She had to deal with her abusive father and on top of that she was then sexually abused by her ex boyfriend. The fact that she lived like that and still woke up everyday and go on with her life makes her so damn brave in my eyes. I'm not saying she was perfect, if anything she had flaws and she was aware of them. She was just trying to get better, like we all do at all times. The author not giving our heroine a name made me connect with her on another level i felt like i was living her life i was going though so many emotions i felt the need to put down the book and just take a breath.
Now let's talk about her and Theo's relationship. DAMN just damn i mean was Theo an asshole ? yup, some of his action just can't be justified. For example, how he thought that he can control what our heroine does with her body, or how he sexualized her when she confessed to him that she thought that she might be bisexual. He definitely dealt with trauma on his own and we can't ignore that, but we all go through tough shit without channeling that trauma into disrespect towards women. From what we can see, his mother wasn't the perfect role model as he was growing up and his father was an addict, just like our heroine's dad. Both our characters didn't have the best support system growing up, but at least our heroine knew there was something wrong and went to therapy. In contrast to her, even after her numerous suggestions, Theo refused to go. Now, about their relationship as a whole... Wow. What a ride. Reading the last pages it genuinely felt like the beginning of a fairytale but sadly, this is not what life is about. Life is bittersweet, we have our ups and downs and not everything works out. But we have to keep living and fighting just like these two characters did. The way they met and how easily she opened up to Theo was truly, honestly sweet. It was mind blowing how we got to the end of their relationship, and the timeline moving backwards made the story ten times more poignant. Seeing her fight for them even during her darkest times was so sad, there was a lot she was grappling with and putting a relationship to the mix exhausted her even more, but it was evident how much she loved him. So she tried, and tried, until he was done with her, which is when she finally gave up.
This was one of these stories that you can't help but be invested in. Hours later and i keep thinking about how her life turned out to be, if she accomplished all of her dreams, if her mental health improved, if she found someone that can be her rock, and whom she doesn’t feel like she needs to constantly shield from the world. If she’s talking to her Mom and Maya, because admittedly we all need a Maya in our lives to keep us grounded and tell us everything will eventually be okay, even though now it doesn’t seem like it . We all have each other and we just need a hand to help us keep going when everything else fails. This book was definitely one of my favorite reads this year, it legitimately made me want to pick up the phone and get some help with my anxiety. It’s always good to know that you're not alone in this world, and that you’re not the only person struggling with your mental health. We all have each other and we just need a hand to help us keep going when everything else fails. Congratulations to Hazel Hayes for creating such a beautifully worded book, I can't wait to read more of her work!!!
P.s. If you sexualize bi people you're a fucking asshole, men are a disease bisexual people do not exist for your entertainment.
Rating: really liked it
"I want you to know how much I love you and appreciate you. I love you so fucking much that... it's not very nice sometimes. It's horrible, actually. I think about losing you and it's like someone's standing on my chest. You could break me. If you wanted to. You could absolutely fucking break me." TW: abuse, sexual abuse, alcohol addiction, mental illness.
Plot: 4/5
Characters: 3/5
Language: 4/5
Environment: 4/5
Overall: 4/5
Plot A young woman is packing up her ex-boyfriend's belongings and prepares to see him one last time. She wonders where it all went wrong. The amazing sex. The sweet kisses. The warm hugs. The deep conversations. Where did it all go? Instead of telling a story of how she met the love of her life, she tells a story of how she lost him.
This is a love story but backward. The main character, whose name is never revealed, is a young, Irish woman, sometimes called "Angel" by her ex-boyfriend Theo and "Baby" by her mother. The story begins with them falling apart, and through the story, we go backward - from the day they break up to the day they first meet. It is a lovely concept and I loved the plot. How creative is that?
We have so many stories of how love begins, but so few stories of how love ends. It was refreshing to read about love as a tragedy rather than a comedy. And perhaps even more relatable. Because let us be honest, how many people experience the love we read about in our novels? This was realistic. It was relatable. Love can be tragic. And instead of feeling this I-want-to-cry-my-eyes-out-feeling, I had a lump in my stomach throughout the entire reading process. Instead of crying, I felt empty. However, the story may be beautiful but it was boring at its places. Maybe I felt that way because I personally did not relate to the story. Someone else might love it. What do I know?
“That moment is what I love most about creating something new: the idea, the spark, the beginning, where what might have been was still what might be.” Characters I literally have no idea what the main character's name is, and it kind of bothers me. I mean, it's brilliant to keep her open for the imagination. Perhaps she was anonymous so we, the readers, can imagine that we are her. I don't even know what she looked like. All I know is that she was Irish, a woman in her thirties, she suffered from both depression and anxiety, she was bisexual, and she had terrible taste in men. But I liked her. She went through so much - a heartbreak, an alcohol-addicted and abusive father, a depressed mother, an abusive boyfriend, an ED, depression, anxiety - and she still carried the entire story with elegance. Then there's Theo... oh dear. Where do I begin.
I think Theo is a reflection of many men out there. He was a sweetheart at first with those golden curls and sarcastic personality and charming smile, and then he turned into... whatever he turned into. I did not like him at all. His mother Jocelyn was equally as annoying. But Maya was cute, I want a friend like her!
“I pictured the couple we might someday become. And in my mind, in that moment at least, they lived happily ever after.” Language The language was very similar to my writing style, which I appreciated. Easy to read, very fast-forward, easy to understand, and at the same time, it was beautiful. There were some curse words in there so be ready for that. Overall, great language. I would have appreciated a liiiitle more poetry in there, but I'm satisfied.
“Rituals and routine became a safety blanket of sorts, something I could wrap around myself when things felt uncertain, which they so often did.” Environment It was a thrill to return to London, I miss it so much. Damn you, miss rona!! And it was lovely to see Ireland as well. The author left much for the imagination, but just enough for the reader to know where they were and how it looked like. Sometimes I even smelled the places. Would have appreciated a little more variation, but it was good.
“A breakup is like a death without a funeral.” Overall Overall, a very refreshing love story that everyone should read. Don't let my rating scare you. It was beautiful, I just didn't connect with the characters. I think we all can learn something from
Out of love, I sure did.
I learned that I'm not a banana just because my brain tells me so, which means I'm also not ugly or stupid because my brain tells me so. Great lesson! I really recommend this novel and find it criminally underrated. Great job, Hazel Hayes!
"Towards the end of my last relationship, it crept into my consciousness and lodged there; a little seed that grew into a plan. He was a lot like my father, my ex. They so often are. We choose these men, I'm told, because the pain they cause is familiar and therefore comfortable. How sad is that?"
Rating: really liked it
THIS IS TRULY ONE OF THE BEST AND MOST UNIQUE BOOKS IVE EVER READ. from the minute i read the synopsis, i knew it’d be right up my alley and i was really hoping it was executed well. AND IT WAS. i genuinely think this book is perfect. the concept is truly just so cool and it exceeded my expectations.
i literally cried so much while reading this, but a lot of times it was in a bittersweet way. i think this teaches such an important lesson about knowing when to let go and move on. and that it’s okay to move on. it’s okay for things to come to an end. you’ll be okay. you’ll always have the memories. but not everyone is meant to be in your life forever. i love when a book sort of dissects the idea of love and relationships. i think anyone who has been in a long term relationship can relate to a lot of the points made in this book.
this also tackles topics such as mental health, motherhood, and familial relationships which is also something i love to read about. it just brings up so many great points all around.
i think both of the main characters were both sort of emotionally complex. even though i sort of hated theo A LOT….i understood him. but the female main character specifically was so emotionally complex and i loved being in her headspace. certain coping mechanisms and thought processes of hers were super relatable. the characters were very real and raw and human.
the writing in this was BEAUTIFUL. i adore the prose. it describes so many little intricacies of a relationship (even the bad parts) in such a beautiful and relatable way. i think it reminds me a bit of sally rooney. who i adore. it was also very interesting that we actually never get to know the MC’s name too.
a small detail i loved was the chapter titles and the way they connected to the story. the pacing of this was amazing and i didn’t want to put the book down but at the same time i put off reading like the last 50 pages because i didn’t want it to be over.
overall, this book just makes me feel so empty. it was almost like watching a car crash in reverse. especially because at the beginning, you’re seeing the breakup and the effects and you’re like “how did these characters stay together this long?” but as the story progresses, you see everything come together and you get why they stayed together that long!!! and you see all the shiny promises that are made at the beginning of a relationship and how ultimately promises can’t be kept. honestly, the last chapter of this broke me. especially the last few paragraphs. it made my heart feel like an empty soda can that just got crushed. something about this just felt so real. almost too real. which might be why i loved it so much. this left me feeling equally disenchanted and hopeful about love. it’s such a strange combination of emotions, but that’s what i feel.
Rating: really liked it
This was a clever book. It starts at the end and works the reader back to the begining via a narrator who is also the main character. Despite knowing the ending one remains glued not because one is hoping for a magical change to the ending. One reads this because the writing is talented. The characterisation is impeccable. The realness and the rawness of the story is all too familiar and the humour interspersed throughout keeps one giggling between the sad tears that might flow. It is the tale of two people, each broken in their own way coming together in the hope of healing the other without realising that you have to heal yourself first.
Some readers in my book club stopped reading because they objected to the profanities and crudeness of some terminology, but this in no way detracted from the story for me that should be read by anyone who has lived through or is going through an unhealthy relationship. It is also a worthy read for those who have moved on and keep looking back to audit what went wrong where. Congratulations to the author.5 Stars.
Rating: really liked it
This premise is SO GOOD. Honestly, I really love sort of outside of the box formats in books and seeing a relationship develop from the end towards the beginning of their relationship is so interesting to me. Out of Love might not be for everyone. Some might be annoyed with knowing how the relationship will end and having to go through the whole relationship. But to me, this was a really interesting exploration of love, life, and trauma. You slowly get the full picture of all characters and which things made them into the people they are at the beginning of the book. This book was really special to me and made me tear up multiple times (at parts that were not even particularly sad but just resonated with me). I am having a hard time giving this a rating because the story itself was not that new or exciting. The way the story was phrased and the feelings I had during this book make me lean towards a five-star rating. Also, the Irish culture included in this book was so much fun and when reading I often did hear it in my head in an Irish accent (thanks to Hazel's videos probably).
All in all, I really enjoyed this strange little book and would recommend it if you are looking for an interesting take on a relationship while knowing how it ends.
Rating: really liked it
I loved this book with my whole heart. Every time I was reading it I was very aware of how fast I was devouring every word. A love story in reverse, I was very sceptical as to how I would be surprised; knowing we start with the main character post break up, ending with the couple's first meeting, but even the ending (or beginning) had me emotional. If you know of Hazel, reading this book is like watching one of her videos. If you don't know of Hazel, you should. Of you're in need of an atypical love story, please read this book.
