User Reviews
Rating: really liked it
It’s so disheartening to see reviews so deeply rooted in bias and falsehoods. This book is meant to make you feel uncomfortable. It’s meant to challenge everything you held as truth being disproven. I for one, appreciate Allie’s lack of filter and complacency in a society and world that DOES NOT have our best interest at heart. Allie is the big sister every woman needs right now. I needed her. Thank you, Allie.
I very kindly received an ARC from Netgalley.
Rating: really liked it
| Read FULL review here. |
So, a couple days ago I came across
You're Not Enough (and that's okay) by Allie Beth Stuckey on NetGalley and...near immediately vomited at how disgusted I was when I found out that this is a book that pushes problematic kinds of Christianity. So, because I like to be informed about what I discuss as being problematic, I decided to read the book. And honestly, there is a
lot to unpack. But, what it all comes down to is this: Stuckey's message, ultimately, is that in many, many ways no one is enough and will never become so, therefore, the only thing to do is to believe in "god" because only "god" is enough.
It's a clear example of pointing out a problem and trying to force a magical and fictitious solution upon the world that doesn't actually solve the problem.
Any amount of good message Stuckey manages to send is drowned out and degraded, pushed aside for disturbing "Christian ideas" and terrible messages posited as selflessness. Ultimately,
You're Not Enough is Christian propaganda and Stuckey's way of telling other people what to do with their lives more than anything else.
And it's sad because when I first saw this book I was genuinely intrigued by this argument that we are not enough and it is okay to accept this truth so long as we're willing to do something about it. The only toxicity in the idea of "you are enough" I see is that it potentially supports laziness in actively trying to solve our problems. Saying "I'm enough" isn't going to resolve issues within a relationship someone may have.
But recognizing what one has been doing in a relationship and how it may not resolve current problems can give people motivation and purpose. It allows us an opportunity to step up and find ways to better ourselves and resolve issues. I'm okay with the idea that I'm not enough in the sense that I can find purpose in improving myself, in becoming a better person and in helping the rest of the world be better, too.
But this isn't really where Stuckey goes with her "you're not enough" message.
Point one: you need Jesus (a.k.a. people aren't religious enough).I find this argument of hers massively depressing. Stuckey doesn't seem like a complete idiot and is fully capable of sounding coherent, but much of her message is dripping with this nonsense idea that god is all that matters. She suggests that the only things making people today depressed are support for self-love and lack of religion. This theory completely ignores literally every single problem that exists within the world (there are far too many to count) and suggests that if we all found and
obeyed god, we'd be happy.
Not only is this ludicrous, but it's also disgusting.
And sure, ignoring facts and logic to hide behind a fantasy of faith does tend to make some people feel better. But, ignoring problems, as Stuckey also points out, only makes them worse. Faith, in and of itself, is the same bandaid to problems that Stuckey refers to the temporary relief self-love "you are enough" messages as being. It ultimately doesn't really fix anything.
Not to mention that her entire book is filled with commentary about how god is perfect and we can only aspire to work for and obey him in our unworthy-ness for the hope that he will forgive all our horrible sins. Stuckey's "god" sounds like an abusive boyfriend: "you're unlovable,
you're not worthy, I am perfect,
only I can tell you who you are what to do and what you're worth, your job is to glorify me,
you're not good enough to determine what's true because only I can do that, my love is the only love you need,
you are undeserving of my love, you belong with me,
I forgive you for being sinful and not good enough."I think I just threw up again.
Point two: god is the only determiner of morality.Also known as god is the only one who knows what is right and wrong; he is the only one who can decide this and no one has the right to complain about morally incorrect things unless they are religious. Also, the only way you won't be selfish is if you're religious.
To say that selfless acts can only come from working for god is nonsense. I can say that I personally see self-sacrifice and helping others as a generally good thing to aspire to do in your life. Stuckey suggests that the only possible place to do such things is in service to god and religion.
She also posits that right and wrong can
only be determined by the "moral authority" that is "our [imaginary] creator." I'm sorry, what the hell kind of message is it to tell people that they're incapable of knowing right from wrong without religion? You're honestly going to suggest to me that the
only way to be a good person is to "work for god"?
To say that people who do not buy this religion nonsense have
no right to be
angry about the
Holocaust and
slavery if they don't believe in god is egregiously disgusting. And yet, that's more or less what she is saying. It's as though the collective decision of society to tell everyone that mass murder and enslaving others simply because they are different from us are horrible things to do don't even matter. Why?
Because god.
Point three: if you are gay or not cisgender, you are wrong.Honestly, there's a lot to unpack here and it was hard since there were
so many instances of Stuckey pushing these disturbing narratives about who people should be. And all of it was problematic.
According to Stuckey, gender and sexuality other than what has been "normed" by the bible do not exist, should not exist, and are a problem. She practically voices her support for conversion therapy for people who are trans, making statements like "whether he believed he was a girl or not was largely irrelevant," "his god-given biology indicates his gender--period," "will probably grow out of their gender confusion after puberty," and "every compassionate effort, then, should be made to help him reconcile his mind with his body, not the other way around."
She defines marriage as all the homophobic religious sorts do, "as between a man and a woman." Though she does not spend an immense amount of time here, she makes it very clear what she thinks of the LGBTQ community. She holds no respect for them, no care for who they are or how they identify. She sees them as diseased people who need to be "fixed." Marriage, according to Stuckey must be "rooted in creation" as though the only
possible reason to be with another person is to procreate.
Point four: you must be a mother.And really, this isn't all that surprising at all because she later goes on to shame women for not wanting children.
Her opinion on the matter amounts to telling those who've made the mature decision to hold off on having kids to "grow up" and have them already. She suggests that it is women's "god-given" purpose to be a mom more than anything else, "pouring [themselves] out, even when [they] don't feel filled up" because even though
they are not enough, "god" is. She even goes on to say that anyone married, mentally stable, and physically able is ready for children, entirely leaving out a whole slew of other reasons why someone might not be ready.
The notion that we were only "put on this earth" to procreate is, honestly, quite disgusting. It's ironic how she talks about motherhood as being selfless; I've always found this ironic, really. So often in life, having a child isn't a selfless act, but rather a selfish one. Some person decides they want a baby and suddenly, here they are, subjecting an innocent child to a potentially difficult life because they just weren't ready for the responsibility. Often, they haven't reached a point where they can devote themselves to adequately raising a human being or weren't financially stable enough. But, wanting a child of their own to love them was more important than ensuring a stable and positive childhood.
Point five: do what I say because god says.According to Stuckey, our relationships (dating, marriage, etc.) exist only to bring us closer to "god." I've already lost count of the number of times I have rolled my eyes reading this book and writing this review. Therefore, as far as she is concerned, marriage is only something a person should do if their goal is to use it to become closer to "god." She suggests we should be defined by what sort of relationship we have with "god," so therefore if we date and it does not bring us closer to Jesus, we're doing it wrong.
This brings me to her next point, telling us that if we're not married we should be. Stuckey suggests that it is
wrong to wait to marry someone. She thinks it's wrong to aspire to have a stable career first, to travel first, wrong to
better ourselves first. She calls it a waste of time. "Get married now," she says. And there's something deeply disturbing about this since not only is this Stuckey's advice to her readers, but she goes on to tell us that "husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loves the church and
wives are called to
submit to their husbands as they
submit to the
Lord."
And honestly, to this, the main thing I have to say is
what the hell? When women push this sort of patriarchal and controlling agenda, I want to scream. "God" forbid women be their own person, forbid they make their own decisions. No, their abusively controlling "god" must dictate their actions and choices. Their husbands lay down the law further. I pity this woman and all who agree with her.
Point six: not racist, but intersectionality is propaganda.Stuckey spends precious little time on this point, but I think it's important to note that she says it. She seems to be the sort of person who believes racism began and ended back with slavery and the Civil Rights Movement. I hate people like this. They always try to push this fictitious idea that racism no longer exists today. What frustrates me the most about this is that society--especially white society--perpetuates this idea.
I, too, once fell for the idea that racism no longer existed. The way history is taught in the classroom, at least where I grew up and I'm sure in many,
many other places always made the way anyone who wasn't white was treated seem like something that was
over. It wasn't until I was in high school and even college that I even
began to understand the real truth that the world tries so hard to hide. But I digress.
The point is, Stucky tells us intersectionality, as it relates to social justice, is "arbitrary, confusing, and ineffective" and that it has "no place" in religion. She basically uses this argument to suggest that privilege is not a real concern, the wage gap is non-existent, and all this stuff that people fight for in social-justice is nonsense. She posits that social justice is wrong so long as it is secular and the only social care that occurs should come from Christians.
I wish I didn't have to point out that this line of thinking is wrong, but people like Stuckey exist to prove that I need to.
Stuckey is kind of a hypocrite.The most hilarious piece of this all is the fact that Stuckey
regularly insists that one must use logic and facts to recognize that we're not good enough and must be able to
prove injustice. I am all about being able to prove injustice and using logic and facts all the time, but honey, you can't pick and choose when these ideas apply to you. You either use logic, facts, and proof with everything or you don't. When you pluck out the facts you like and ignore the facts you don't, you're not spreading some amazing truthful message. You're just a massive hypocrite.
You can't really say you support logic, facts, and
proof when you are also suggesting that some invisible being lives up in the sky, created us, and somehow loves us all enough to be massively involved in every minuscule thing that happens in our lives. You can't say you support logic, facts, and
proof when you deny science. You can't posit that basic science says only male and female genders exist when you can't even understand the basic science of pregnancy viability.
You can't pick and choose which pieces of science and fact that you like so you can use it against other people, only to throw away the ones that mess with your fictitious faith.
It just doesn't work that way.In the end, Stuckey's posits regularly that people are not special and not enough, that they are unlovable and undeserving or unworthy of "god's approval and affection." Yet, at the same time, she is pushing this idiotic idea that they're so important as to have this creator that loves them and this demon determined to corrupt them. It's hilarious, really. As a result of Stuckey's inability to decide whether people are insignificant or special, her message doesn't actually add up.
She tells us that we are told, especially if we're little girls, that we are perfect from childhood. This is where I face-palm repeatedly at her inability to recognize just how often little girls are
shown and, yes,
told that they could never be perfect unless they measure up to an insane number of impossible standards that society thrusts in their faces. This idea that any child is given the opportunity to think that they are perfect is so ludicrous that I'm honestly mind-boggled by it. I don't know where she gets this idea that people tell children they are perfect, but it's a lie.
And funnily enough, she goes on to dispute it toward the end of her book when she tells us that people refer to children as "brats."
With the number of contradictions in her entire book, I don't know how anyone could really take her ideas seriously. But then again, I suppose not everyone is going to pick them out like I did. I've noticed there is often a lot of "believing" without critical thinking or questioning when it comes to faith.
But Stuckey doesn't really care about that. She just cares about "god."
This is a terrible book.
There's plenty I could say about this, but I'm honestly just tired at this point.
I was provided a free copy of this book via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
Rating: really liked it
*Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for gifting me this ARC in exchange for an honest review*
From the title alone it's quite obvious the author was trying to write a controversial book, and I think she succeeded in that sense. I wanted to read it just for that reason. I agree with the synopsis and the premise – we will never find real, complete joy and satisfaction in material things that can so easily be taken away, and we put a lot of unnecessary pressure on ourselves and others when we try to find that satisfaction in those places.
However.
I am a Christian. I am unapologetic about that. That being said, I see a huge trend of toxic Christianity in today's culture, and it is always painful and alarming when I come across it, because that is the exact opposite of Jesus' message. He came to bring people together, not alienate and push them away. Do I dislike this book for its Christian views? No. Do I dislike the way it alienates non-Christians. 1000%. She attacks LGBTQ issues and intersectionality/racism/social justice in ways that are not at all the way that Christians should address them. NOTHING fires me up more than Christians who are on the wrong side of social justice issues. And don't even get me started on that "you're complete when you're a mom" agenda because that is just BS.
Do I believe I, on my own, am enough? No. Do I believe I need Jesus? Yes. Do I agree with the majority of what was said in this book? NO. The idea is correct but the prose is lacking empathy and understanding. Plus, the last thing we need is another white woman telling us how to live our lives and trying to blast her opinions about marginalized groups. And yep, I say that as a white woman.
Rating: really liked it
Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. I really wanted to like this book. Allie has a sweet disposition and I’ve listened to her podcast many times. I want so badly to agree with her and I try to be fair and charitable. I think she truly loves Jesus and I would absolutely call her a sister in Christ.
However, this book is not only extremely poorly written but I believe it is more harmful than helpful to Christian women. Is there a modern obsession with self-love? Yes. Is it problematic? Absolutely. But her knee-jerk reaction in this book is dangerously strong and her solutions and black and white rules are without nuance and without much biblical support. Though she attempts to share the gospel here and there, and maybe sprinkle opinions with Bible verses occasionally, she spends most of the book using personal experience and stories as support for her claims. I believe she was... 26 or 27 when she wrote this? Youth shouldn’t be a factor of dismissal but I struggle to see how it is helpful for a recently married, very recent mother of a baby, and somewhat recent college graduate should be giving hard and fast rules and advice on motherhood and marriage.
There were red flags throughout the book but perhaps most striking to me were in the beginning and the end. She begins with describing acts of self-care, such as therapy, as inherently wrong. She shares a story of a mother who is clearly drowning in postpartum depression and is overwhelmed because she just cannot seem to meet the demands of her family. She wants to take breaks and time away from the baby. She even has thoughts of suicide. But Allie describes her wake-up, come-to-Jesus epiphany when she turns from her idol of self and decides to be okay with the hard stuff in motherhood. Tah-da! She is fixed. She then shares about her own unhealthy college coping skills with bulimia and vodka after her boyfriend broke up with her. Jesus one day healed her from her self-absorbed ways and she didn’t have bulimia anymore. She goes on to share various stories of women including one who repented of self-idolatry and was healed of addiction. Can sin be involved in things like PPD, suicidal thoughts, eating disorders, and addiction? Absolutely. God made us body, mind, and soul. But he didn’t compartmentalize those parts of us. They are all equally what we are— mind, body, and soul— intertwined as one. Sin taints our whole beings but there are clear biological and neurological factors that can be at play— especially in addiction, eating disorders, and depression. Please, if you are struggling with these things, see your doctor and a therapist. Don’t be totally convinced that it’s 100% sin. That is so foolish and dangerous to assume.
Toward the end, after some ramblings about self-love and self-help, she poses a hypothetical question of “Well, what about people who actually hate themselves? Like little kids who think their parents’ divorce is their fault? Or the woman who blames her boyfriend’s physical abuse on herself?” She responds empathetically: “I’ve been there. In college. When I was making myself throw up and when I was pounding crystal lite and vodka four days a week... and it all comes down to... everyone loves themselves inherently. What I was doing was actually self-obsession.” There you have it. Little kids who blame their parents’ divorce on themselves are simply self-obsessed.
Additionally, as I mentioned, the book was poorly written. I asked myself several times “where is she going with this?” as she awkwardly inserted rants about social justice warriors and Marxism. I am still confused about the inserted side rants here and there.
Finally, she dedicates chapters on marriage and motherhood. She says that nothing will push your self-absorption out of you like marriage and motherhood so you should “get married... now” and have children as soon as you do. These are the secret sanctification sauces that God requires you to partake in. Again, no nuance. At all. Very cut and dry.
Like I said, I wanted to like this. She’s such a likable girl. But she contradicts herself in the beginning when she makes a small disclaimer that it’s okay to get your nails done or go to bed early while your husband puts the baby down. Our hearts behind self-care are what make it sinful or not. Okay, then why did you spend 85% of the book painting specific acts of self-care as inherently wrong? I’m confused.
I am an orthodox, reformed Christian. I uphold the scriptures as much as she claims to. And I love what Matthew Henry says about the verse Matthew 22:39 which she often quotes as proof that we don’t need to love ourselves because we already do and it’s sinful to do so. He says,
“To love our neighbour as ourselves, is the second great commandment. There is a self-love which is corrupt, and the root of the greatest sins, and it must be put off and mortified; but there is a self-love which is the rule of the greatest duty: we must have a due concern for the welfare of our own souls and bodies. And we must love our neighbour as truly and sincerely as we love ourselves; in many cases we must deny ourselves for the good of others. By these two commandments let our hearts be formed as by a mould.”
It is not biblical to burn the candle at both ends and have complete self-forgetfulness. That can be very detrimental to yourself and, particularly, to those around you. I’m not saying you need to be self-obsessed. I am saying that there’s a lot of nuance here. Self-love is not inherently wrong. Pursuing it as a way to fulfill you is, sure. But the way she paints self-love as the root of all of our generation’s problems and the solutions she poses, aren’t quite right. Jesus is enough. Absolutely. He is the only one who can satisfy. But thanks be to God, he made us physical beings who need rest and often outside help from professional therapists and counselors. I don’t know why but the contents of the book felt like a mixture of Ben Shapiro and John MacArthur. Some of her points would have been more beneficial in a blog post, with less rants and more biblical support.
I shouldn’t have wasted my time but I wanted to give it a shot. I... wouldn’t recommend the book... to anyone really.
One star for effort. And another because... man, I really wanted to like it.
Rating: really liked it
I love Allie Beth Stuckey's podcast "Relatable". I had been waiting so long for this book to come out and it didn't disappoint. This book is full of truth and wisdom that is much needed in today's culture. Allie Beth does a fantastic job of taking apart 5 myths of today's narcissistic culture.
1. Myth #1 - You Are Enough
2. Myth #2 - You Determine Your Truth
3. Myth #3 - You're Perfect The Way You Are
4. Myth #4 - You're Entitled To Your Dreams
5. Myth #5 - You Can't Love Others Until You Love Yourself
This is all from a biblical perspective, just as her podcast is. If you are a fan of her podcast you should love this book. This book is worth your time though, even if you have never listened to her podcast. There aren't nearly enough people pointing out the truths in this book these days. I am so glad Allie Beth wrote this book. It's perfect for the times we are living in. This is my favorite non-fiction book I've read or listened to so far in 2020.
Rating: really liked it
Appalling- no basis in a God of LOVE but instead further manipulating the poor impressionable people that may already believe this about themselves.
Wake up people God loves you! He created you in his image! He gives you the tools to self improve and self love in an act of honouring him!
Rating: really liked it
This book was AMAZING. It is grounded in real truth which is only from God. I am so encouraged and challenged from reading this book. You won’t regret it; it is life-changing.
Rating: really liked it
LMAO THIS IS NOT AT ALL THE BOOK I THOUGHT IT WAS
just don't read this honestly
can someone take this title and concept and rewrite it without like, being bad and being this lol
edit- why does this review keep getting likes lmao
its not even a proper review
Rating: really liked it
I'll admit, I'm biased. I'm a regular listener of Relatable, and say "Allie Beth Stuckey says..." way more than I should. That said, I generally dislike all things self-help...even Christian self help. This book is the exception.
Allie Beth gives us a glimpse into her story, and how she has intersected self-help culture throughout her young life. She highlights the lack of what the field has to offer, and even the harm it causes to both Christians and secular communities alike. She leaves no stone unturned, even criticizing the trendy narcissism that has recently infiltrated Christian circles (enneagram, essential oils, etc.) She supports her opinions with facts, and leaves room for nuance (no, you're not a terrible person because you want to be attracted to your significant other). She in no way supports self-flagellation, but rather gives insight on how self forgetfulness is critical for all things good (work, marriage, family, service.) She makes "adulting" an enticing state to be enjoyed.
While Allie is a conservative a political commentator, she mostly focuses on the gospel throughout. This is no surprise, as she has consistently stayed faithful to what is of first importance throughout her career. If you're secular, you probably won't like this book. Still, if you're willing to open your mind and hear a concise summary of the Christian viewpoint, give it a read. You may find yourself agreeing with points made on the inadequacies of "self help" psychology. We can likely all agree that we need more than empty platitudes to become our "best selves."
Overall, Allie gives a voice to the millennial minority who is growing stronger in faith and principle day by day. I'm proud to support her and will continue to do so.
Rating: really liked it
Allie Beth knocks it out of the park in this book.
She tears down the lies culture tells women on a daily basis about who they are, who they should be, they are enough, you need to love yourself, and many more. She once believed these same lies until she had to make a choice. She doesn’t hold back on her struggles that she went through, to a point we can all relate to those, but seeing how the Lord worked in and through her is amazing.
Ladies, I recommend reading this book.
I graciously received an advance e-copy from netgalley for review. All opinions are my own.
Rating: really liked it
Well, this is the equivalent of a preachy lady on a Sunday. Wondering what the meaning of your life is? Jesus! Have a question or an issue - read the Bible! The gender equality is NORMAL because its said in the Bible. The difference in pay rates between men and women does not exist! And... it is selfish to love yourself first, you should love Jesus and the others more. OMG!!!
Rating: really liked it
Yikes- is you want to read a book that completely lacks nuance and tackles issues in an extremely one sided, black & white way... this book is for you.
This book was written like a juvenile blog post. The author has an obvious agenda that she blatantly pushes. Very little research founds her claims- in fact, most chapters re- iterate the same opinion over & over. Reading this was a waste of time.
Rating: really liked it
You need to read this book. First, you're being bombarded everyday with all sorts of lies that may have deep impacts on your daily life. No, you're not perfect the way you are. If you want to dream big, work hard! You're not enough, but that's great!
If you think that you're sufficient on your own, you'll end up in despair and frustration. But if you look to Jesus as your source of strength and sufficiency, you'll be able enjoy the most precious message of the Gospel: in our weakness, Jesus is strong; in our imperfection, Jesus is perfect. And all Jesus deserves by merit, we receive it by grace.
Jesus wants us, even when we don't have it all together, because it is He that makes everything work together for our good. So now we can rest and find joy in the only One who can fully satisfy us.
This is what this book is all about.
Deserves nothing less than 5 stars.
Rating: really liked it
I echo what the author affirms and disparages in this book. I love how she exalts both marriage and singlehood. I agree with her objection to the Christianization of personality tests. She addresses what’s wrong with the self-love movement and puts focus on Scripture.
I can see those who don’t agree with her biblically will find this book discouraging, simplistic and even offensive. The foundation of Stuckey’s message is the Bible. Unless the reader also affirms the authority of the Bible in his/her life, the message of the book will sound ridiculous, but it is the truth.
I encourage young women to abandon Hollis’s (“Girl, Wash Your Face” author) self-love gospel and embrace Stuckey’s biblical view of self instead.
“You’re not enough. You were never meant to be enough and that’s good news!”
Rating: really liked it
This was fantastic. I have so many tabs and so many things underlined. It's so good, points to Christ which is where we should be looking. Our culture has become so self-centered and this book points out how unfulfilling that mindset is. I recommend this so highly! Such a refreshing read from a Christ-centered perspective! 💕
