User Reviews
Rating: really liked it
It is so intoxicating to be so clearly seen by someone else. To look at each other across a gap that had once felt unbridgeable and feel like your whole life is being brought into sharp focus by that moment, a perfect pocket of stillness. Even if that someone else is a book. A book that gives language for the things churning restlessly in your throat, a book that helps you build the kind of vocabulary that makes you feel less alone.
It was intoxicating to feel so clearly seen by
Felix Ever After.
To say that I loved this book would be to indulge in criminal understatement.
Felix Ever After glowed in my chest, pouring brightness into cavernous lofts inside me that I didn’t even know existed. Still, this wasn’t an easy read by any stretch.
**
Sharp spikes of anger and fear are the heartbeat of this narrative that follows Felix Love—a 17-year-old Black trans boy—down the rabbit hole of his senior year. Felix, a talented visual artist, is vying for a unique slot at Brown University against Declan, a rival classmate and ex-friend, and their competition—and the uncertainty of Felix’s future—perches heavily on Felix’s shoulders. The absence of his mother is another sore topic, and his world continues to limp on without Felix hitting
send on his drafted emails to her. To make matters worse, Felix’s relationship with Ezra—which once felt settled, a carefully tended corner of friendship—begins to waver when Ezra starts dating one of their classmates.
But nothing knifes into Felix’s life more swiftly and more viciously than a transphobic act targeting him. Felix is caught in abject horror, spending every day fearing having his deadname and pictures of his pre-transition days sprung on him at every turn, always having to peer around the corner just to make sure. Determined, Felix Love sets out to find the person who’s tormenting him—and to make them pay.
I am Felix. No one else gets to define who I am. Only me.
Felix Ever After is a novel that probes achingly at gender identity like it is a loose tooth. It’s an honest and open discussion about how gender identity can be as amorphous and shifting as a cloud caught in the wind, and how a lot of us can feel lost in its wake, with nothing to hold on to, no arms to reach or hands to grip. And as if the journey to understanding our own identity isn’t enough, we must also deal inevitably with all the ways in which it can be perceived and affected by the outside world looking in.
This story felt deeply personal to me in so many ways. Like Felix, I had felt unmoored, spinning, for years. My gender identity sat inside me like an ill-fitting puzzle piece. It fit under my skin like an uncomfortable self that I couldn’t ignore once I acknowledged it. Unlike Felix—who is brave enough to run straight into things rather than barricade himself against them—I did my best to ignore it. And for years, I steadfastly avoided meeting its eyes. I was terrified, that much I know now. I didn’t like that sort of knowledge, how it bubbled up from a source I couldn’t put my finger on. I didn’t like not knowing
my own self. In retrospect, I can see now how, in a slow upwelling of despair, I had clung to the idea that ignoring it would
diminish it somehow.
But a few months ago, while I was listening to the Penumbra Podcast—an audio drama that centers around a non-binary detective on Mars who uses he/him pronouns but refers to himself as a lady—the politely waiting truth cleared its throat, stepped forward, and reintroduced itself.
Fiction has a way of awakening emotions that had lived underground for a long time, and something inside me simply gave way. Non-binary. Here is a word that felt true as I said it, that felt as though it had always been true, and had only needed knowing. Only this time, it was as easy as wishing. I felt my heart take root in my body, and though I was still terrified—I still am, sometimes, the world is a wretched place when you dare to be different—a serene certainty sang in me. For the first time in so many years I feel like I have a firm grip on myself, like all my tethers are once again drawn taut. Kacen Callendar—who talks in their author’s note about the episode of
Degrassi: The Next Generation that had changed their life—understands this so acutely, and they press their experience into a novel that’s, in so many senses, a grateful nod and a celebration of the transformative effect of fiction.
“I’m not flaunting anything. I’m just existing. This is me. I can’t hide myself. I can’t disappear. And even if I could, I don’t fucking want to. I have the same right to be here. I have the same right to exist.”
But while the novel presses, companionably, like a palm against the reader’s back, its hero is no stranger to loneliness.
Felix’s brand of loneliness is heartbreaking. Unlike Ezra, Felix’s best friend, who can walk into a crowd of strangers and walk out with a group of friends, Felix has a habit of always sinking into himself, and like most habits, this one was hard to break. Keeping everyone at arm’s length becomes Felix’s way of girding himself against the fear that he would one day offer his heart, only to be told it wasn’t as precious as he had thought it to be. So he makes a silent plea in his head—to love and be loved, to be
enough—even when it felt unattainable. Because at the bottom of that fear was Felix’s conviction that he wasn’t worthy of a love that came softly, of a love that wasn’t violence, and that every path he took to it would always be laid with agony.
But that was just being caught out of life, and Felix’s journey of learning to trust the wild, impossible sweetness of placing your love in the safe deposit of someone else’s heart, of letting them see you in all the ways that you are messy and hurt and lost and all the ways they made you want to be better, of accepting that you, in your entirety, are
loveable, that you are
enough, that you are
worthy—it filled me with a pure, aching joy.
“It can be easier, sometimes, to choose to love someone you know won’t return your feelings. At least you know how that will end. It’s easier to accept hurt and pain, sometimes, than love and acceptance. It’s the real, loving relationships that can be the scariest.”
All in all,
Felix Ever After is a blisteringly honest and reverent book. Kacen Callendar writes their story like they’re facing it head-on, sinking deep, never cruising past anything—and the novel is all that much better for it. I hope every queer teen—and every queer adult, for the novel’s themes transcend its categorization—find their way to it, so they too might sink into its steady warmth, like a blanket drawn around their shoulders.
Rating: really liked it
***read for YA lit course***
i’m really thrilled i got the chance to read this for class, because i’ve been meaning to get to it for months. as we know, i don’t rate school books, but i’ve gotta say: this is a gem of a story & the hype is not undeserved! u should read it!!
Rating: really liked it
I loved this so much.
Rating: really liked it
I would sell my soul to read this for the first time again !♥️
Rating: really liked it
So overwhelmed with love for this cover with a queer poc main character with top surgery scars. It's so visible and incredible I can't handle it.
Update 6/20/20:
Wow. Wow wow wow. There is such a scope of emotion here that it all overwhelms me. This is the messy queer book that I have needed desperately. It is sad and it is fierce and it is funny and it is hopeful and it is so full of love and full of forgiveness and fucking up and learning from it all. It’s a masterpiece.
Rating: really liked it
I just can't quit YA.
Try as I might to rebrand to an Intellectual Adult, whose favorite genre is Literary Fiction and whose to-read list is filled with international award-winners and dusty classics, I can never quite fully get there.
Because, in an example of great tragedy and unfairness, only YA has books like this one.
Books with effortless diversity and effortful representation and casts of characters that reflect what people really look like and are. And also, yes, really pretty covers with flowers on them.
So until general fiction can catch up to the work of authors like Kacen Callender...
Catch me reading like a fifteen year old for the foreseeable future.
Bottom line: This book is wrenching and difficult and 100% worth the read.
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pre-reviewum. ouch.
review to come / 4 stars (like 4.25?? i don't know)
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currently-reading updatesdo NOT be fooled by the pretty cover: this book is sad and stressful.
but in a good way. probably.
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tbr reviewlook at me. look me in the eyes.
ALL OF THE BOOKS WITH BEAUTIFUL FLOWER PEOPLE ON THE COVER.
i will read all of them.
Rating: really liked it
Felix Ever After offers up a
cornucopia of queer identities and was so
incredibly moving, beginning to end.
I had to take a time out before I could even consider writing a review for this diverse YA Contemporary.
This novel is everything right now. It is everything I needed and it is certainly everything the world needs.
I've been trying to figure out why this one touched me so deeply and all I can say is,
Felix Love. Felix Love who wants to know love, but first needs to learn he is worthy of love.
Felix Ever After is told, as you may expect, completely from Felix's perspective. Getting to read his deepest inner thoughts, particularly the thoughts he would most likely never say aloud to anyone, was so raw and real.
Felix is busy attending a summer arts program at his high school. While the school has a lot of diversity, he still faces personal attacks and acts of transphobia from the very beginning of the story.
I will say, Callender does not shy away from how brutal and painful such acts are, so if you think this may effect your mental health and wellness, tread carefully.
It hurts to read, but I think it is so important for people to face. So important. This whole book is so damn important.
After a fellow student creates a gallery listing Felix's deadname, along with photos of him before his transition, he is rightly shattered. How could someone do this? Why?
He vows to find the person responsible and make them pay. Along with his best friend, Ezrah, Felix sets out to do just that. For a while, Ez is on board, but eventually Felix goes rogue and continues his revenge plot on his own.
There were times when I wanted to scream at Felix, to stop him from making hurtful choices, but he is a teen, acting out of anger and in a way, fear. I also wanted to hug him super tight.
I had to remember, oh yeah, I was a teen once and I totally would have plotted revenge day and night if someone did to me what was done to him.
In addition to all of the stressful things happening to Felix at school, and via social media, he is also still questioning his identity.
He utilizes local resources to learn more about himself and his feelings. I thought that was such an important detail, showing him reaching out to others in the community that may help him, or provide illumination, on the questions he has.
I think for Felix, it lifted a huge weight off of him, when he realized he wasn't alone. No matter what he was going through personally, he was connected to many others who were, at the end of the day, fighting very similar battles.
I feel like I could babble on about the minutiae of this story for decades, but I wouldn't do that to you. In short,
READ THIS FREAKING BOOK!!
Also,
gender fluidity. Chef's kiss. So well done. Okay, okay, that's it. I'm officially done.
P.S. READ IT!!!
Rating: really liked it
Hello this book was perfect and messy and sweet and queer and I loved it so, so, SO much.
TW: transphobia, being outed, cyber-bullying
Rating: really liked it
Reread June 5th 2021 Review: Loved this just as much, the second time around! Just such a stunning book!
First time reading 11th June 2020 Review:
If you liked Simon Vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda, you’ll love Felix Ever After!This book is going to be a new favorite of mine, I just loved it so much! I absolutely loved the characters, Felix, Ezra and Leah being my favorites. This book also has so much LGBTQIA+ representation, which I loved. I loved the discussions on being transgender and also Felix’s journey with self identity. The book is also set during pride month and the romance is absolutely adorable!
I don’t think I have anything negative to say about this book, it was just amazing! Highly recommend that you pick it up!
I also read this during a 24 hour readathon and you can check it out here, if you’d like to hear more of my thoughts: https://youtu.be/_xMcY58rFaw
Rating: really liked it
still not over this going to be on tv
----
I have a solid feeling Felix Ever After will be my favorite book of 2020.Ever since I read the synopsis of this book, my expectations for it were soaring, and after reading it my love for it was even higher.
Felix Ever After was such a joy to read, but it also felt as if each page wrapped around my heart and saw the deepest corners of my soul. Sometimes, I feel as if this book was written just for me, as a nonbinary queer Black person.
So, in this review, I’ll be discussing why I loved this book so much, but also how my love for it closely binds with the identities and experiences I shared with the main character, and even others. Approaching this review was something for me, that took a lot: I feel as if I’m maybe oversharing too much even, but I think talking about my personal experiences is necessary to convey my love for this book.
If I had to do one thing for the rest of my life, it would have to be to
get everyone to read Felix Ever After. I adored every single page of it, and initially finishing it I was rendered speechless, and I still almost am. I saw myself in so much of this book, and also enjoyed every single page of it.
Felix is such a character I would regard as one of my favorites, because while I loved his personality and cherished him so much,
he’s a character I saw myself completely in. One of the first major events which occurs in this book is Felix discovering a fellow student at his prestigious arts high school put up a gallery of pictures of him pre-transition with his deadname on it, and the rest of this book revolves around him getting back at the perpetrator of this horrific situation. While thankfully—nothing of this extent has happened to me personally, I related so much with him. As Felix is Black, queer, and trans,
it’s not hard to feel that sometimes, the whole world is against him, and it’s exactly how I feel as well. While this is mostly a happy book, something I’m glad about, Felix gets so much shit for just
existing, and from every corner of his life. As someone who is closeted in real life, it not even being an option for me to be otherwise, I identified so much with the daily things he had to endure.
One of the things I loved about this book was
how it portrayed unsupportive parents of queer and trans youth. I feel as if the former is a weird thing to remark on, but it’s unfortunately a reality for so many people. Even though
something I do wish this book had were parents who were completely loving and supportive—while not all are downright homophobic and transphobic, there weren’t any who were initially completely accepting of their children—but, this does reflect the world we live in, especially one
I do. I won’t go into specifics with the character I’m talking about, because then it’ll start going into spoiler territory, but there’s one character I related to a lot with how their parents’ feelings on their queerness.
Like mine, they have parents who believe their religion makes up queerness as something abhorrent and abnormal, their parents treating them accordingly; and as the book mentions:
“My dad is hardcore Catholic. I used to hope that he’d decide to change his mind—that he could accept me, because I was his [child]. And then I’d laugh at myself. Like, how fucking arrogant is that? Expecting my dad to love me more than he loves God.”
I will never be able to be myself to my family due to their internalized beliefs, and therefore have to face constant homophobia (against others and in general, because I am not out) and misgendering daily. I always wish this wasn’t the case, that I could have parents and family who would love me no matter what, but
it’s a reality I’ve become accustomed to.Also, throughout this book, Felix also questions his gender frequently—he is sure he isn’t a girl, but doesn’t 100% identify completely as male or nonbinary, and later realizes he is a demiboy. Although I am not, though on the trans spectrum,
I closely related to his constant feeling of uncertainty concerning gender identity and being queer. I feel as if the media paints realizing gender identity or queerness as this single moment, an epiphany of “this is what I am” so easily, and while it is like that for some people, sometimes the experience is completely opposite
and it’s such a struggle. This book conveyed those feelings so perfectly and it’s one of the things I loved so much about it.
This book also highlights that not having a label in the sense of gender and queer identity is completely okay and commonplace, while also acknowledging that labels are important for many, and customarily give a sense of clarity, knowing there are other people just like you. While it mentions this many times, here’s one quote I loved regarding it:
He shrugs with a smile. “I honestly don’t care that much about labels. I mean, I know they’re important to a lot of people, and I can see why—I’m not knocking them. It’s just . . . I kind of wish we could exist without having to worry about putting ourselves into categories. If there were no straight people, no violence or abuse or homophobia or anything, would we even need labels, or would we just be? Sometimes I wonder if labels can get in the way. Like, if I was adamant that I’m straight, does that force me into only liking girls? What if that’d stopped me from falling in love with a guy? I don’t know,” he says again. “I get that labels can be important.”
“They connect us. They help create community,” Leah says. “I can see what you’re saying. If the world was perfect, maybe we wouldn’t need labels. But the world isn’t perfect, and labels can really be a source of pride—especially when we’ve got to deal with so much crap. I’m really freaking proud to be a lesbian.”
And along with this, it also discusses how even though queer spaces are important and needed, especially for youth, they can sometimes be overwhelming and even feel unwelcoming. This is a pretty minor thing, but I really did want to mention it as it’s something I related with so much. (I also loved how Felix’s deadname is never on-page, I feel as if it’s the opposite for every other trans YA book.)
But with all I’ve mentioned previously, this book is a constant reminder that even though the world seems to be against us who are queer, of color, and trans,
we still manage to live remorseless and proud. Pretty much every major and minor character in this book is queer, and many are POC, and there are so many happy queer scenes it fills my heart to think about. The romance(s) in this book is everything, and
this book made me feel so joyful. I just loved reading about Felix and all of his moments of mirth, and aside from all the heavy aspects of
Felix Ever After, it’s a book which will keep you smiling and invested throughout. “I was hurt this summer, hurt more than I thought I ever could be. It could’ve been easy to say I was hurt because I’m trans, because someone singled me out for my identity, but there’s something weird about that—something off, about suggesting that my identity is the thing that brought me any sort of pain. It’s the opposite. Being trans brings me love. It brings me happiness. It gives me power.” Ezra’s biting his lip as he grins at me. I shrug a little. “It makes me feel like I’m a god. I wouldn’t change myself for anything.”
And I can’t believe I have to ever end this review at one point, I want to talk about this book and praise it for eternity, but I will close it with this:
I adored Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender. It’s such a singular book, and when I say I want every single person in the world, especially queer, trans, and Black youth, to read it, I’m not exaggerating in the slightest. I saw myself in every part of it, as well—reading it felt like it was a book written exactly for me, and it even was, in a way. But, it’s also a book I had so much fun reading. I was smiling so hard throughout it, and so much things about this book gave me an endless joy – I have over 5 thousand words of quotes from it. This is one of the longest reviews I have ever wrote, and I hope it’ll convince you to read Felix Ever After if you haven’t yet. If it’s the only good thing I’d ever make out of being a book blogger, I’d be proud.
representation: Black queer demiboy main character (ownvoices) w/ biracial Black Bengali LI, gay Black biracial prominent character, lesbian prominent characters, gay prominent character, various other queer + POC characters
content warnings: homophobia, transphobia, racism, parental abuse and neglect, frequent drug and alcohol use, ableist language
I received an e-ARC of this book from Balzer + Bray, a HarperCollins imprint, via Edelweiss in exchange for an honest review.
Rating: really liked it
look up TWs
i cant put into words how much i loved this book. this book is literally made for every kind of person. i saw so much of myself within the plot and characters. felix deserves the world and i will die on this hill. this book DELIVERED and gave more ❤️❤️❤️ i legit sat here crying reading this because of how phenomenal it is
Rating: really liked it
Just released my
Top 10 Books from 2020 BookTube Video - now that you know this one made the list, click the link to find the rest!
The Written Review 
I'm not flaunting anything. I'm just existing. This is me. I can't hide myself.
Felix Love is an art student at an incredibly prestigious high school.
He's been through a lot in the past few years - from transitioning to losing his mom (she's not dead...just gone. Moved on.) And
he's ready for the next step - college. And to get there, he needs to win a scholarship.
But just as things amp up for him...
the unthinkable happened. Someone found old pictures of Felix (pretransition) and posted it with his deadname as a gallery of sorts.
He's
horrified and heartbroken and above all, ready for revenge.
After narrowing down the pool of subjects, he quickly finds who he thinks is the culprit. But the longer he spends trying to figure out the best way to extract revenge...the more he begins to doubt his plan, and himself.
This was a wonderful book. Really, truly.I loved watching Felix's character grow and change throughout the pages.
I adored the love shown in this story...and while my favorite pairing never happened, I still adored the ones that did.
The way the author unabashedly covers all the hard-hitting topics was admirable.
Just cause they're teens, doesn't mean that they don't have to deal with life's issues and I love the way the author portrayed Felix tackling those head-on.
All in all, this was
an absolutely fabulous book. Definitely recommend it.
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Rating: really liked it
“But, just because we loved each other, doesn't mean we were meant to be together.
And just because you loved one, doesn't mean you can't love another.”It cannot be said often enough: Boys with flower crowns on book covers are my ultimate weakness. This needs to be a thing.
The hype is very real for this one. Rave reviews everywhere, all my mutuals praising it in their bookstagram posts - reader, I was scared. But I didn't have to be because I flew through this book. There are some really important messages in there for teenagers everywhere. It also wouldn't hurt the majority of adults to pick this up as well. It's a story about questioning yourself and your identity, about finding strength in a world that is set up for you to fail, it's about love and trust and friendship.
What I particularly loved about this novel is that it allows its characters to be messy. Growing up is emotional enough as it is but if you add being trans and Black to that equation, stuff gets tougher. Felix experiences microagressions, bullying and abuse on a daily basis. You can't expect a human being to always be kind and understanding when they try to juggle so many things at the same time. But it also teaches that it's okay to mess up as long as you're willing to swallow your pride, to admit your mistakes and apologise. So yeah, most characters in this book are super flawed, some to the point of being unlikeable but I do have a sweet spot for Ezra and Leah.
There were only a few things I didn't love: The constant HP references. The fact that Felix and Ezra were always late, often skipped classes and seemed committed to miss every single deadline (that stuff gives me anxiety, I'm not even kidding). And while I was often frustrated/angry/sad, it didn't hit me quite as hard as I thought it would. I was also lead astray by the book being marketed as a romcom when it centred neither romance nor comedy.
At the end of the day this is an incredibly important novel - the fact alone that we have a joyful, Black, trans character with visible scars on the cover makes me want to kiss someone. The underrepresentation of BIPOC & queer characters in YA is a serious issue that tells us just how far publishing still has to go. So for Felix to shine this brightly proves that marginalised voices are worth being heard AND can create commercial success even though everyone keeps telling us otherwise.
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Rating: really liked it
A phenomenal young adult read which explores identity, race, sexuality/transgender identities, coming of age, bullying, the confusing emotions that teens go through, dreams and determination, friendship and family dynamics
Felix Love is one of the most dynamic ya characters I have ever come across!
Even though he tends to be seen as a teen who's not that socially dynamic at school but he's loyal to his friends, family and his dreams.
Inspite of all the extreme bullying in the form of revelation of his past and his dead name, he tries his best to deal with everything. Thanks to his mates! The forever support cheerleading team! And yes, his hardworking, awkward dad too!
Felix falls in love.
Felix falls in love again.
I love how the story represented how there's a basic difference between the love we deserve and the love we think we deserve.
I love the writing. It's so well written. There's not even a dull moment in the entire book! I love how the ending wrapped up everything so well. The characters are unforgettable and incredibly realistic. The character and plot development too fantastic!
Rating: really liked it
My emotions are everywhere! Such a powerful story about identity, friendship, family, self discovery with realistic characterization!
Felix Love wants to experience the true love! He wants to reflect those intimate feelings for creating more passionate art works! He is 17 years old who is chasing his dream to get approval from Brown University to study art! His competitor is Declan, an d friend of his. Now they became strangers because of the choices he made. Most of his friends didn’t understand him.
Felix doesn’t want to live with labels such as transgender, queer, black. He has been already trying to define himself ,find his identity. Only Ezra’s friendship keeps his life in balance, he already lost too much, missing his mother! But after Ezra starts dating he feels much lonelier than ever!
And a transphobic act at the school changes his life completely! Somebody shared his pre-transition photos with his deadname. This horrifying act brings out his anger, resentment, sadness he has been bottling up for years. Nobody has any right to criticize who he is so he starts working on his revenge plan which drags him into a surprising love triangle.
I honestly say this book is truly intense! It is truly emotional, genuine, poignant, sad, heartbreaking. So many times I hear my sobs or I realize tears keep dripping down my cheeks. I couldn’t stop. I think the flawed, honest characters affected me a lot. They made so many mistakes, hurt each other, kept apologizing to start again. They were real, they were heartbroken and they were so easy to resonate with.
I loved to read Felix’s journey, his mistakes, his first love, his sadness and loneliness, his search to find his true identity. It’s one of the powerful, thought provocative, extremely heartfelt story I’ve read in this year and I’m so happy to read it!
