User Reviews
Rating: really liked it
Possibly one of the best DIY self help, brain fix, auto mind penetration for better, more massive mental reconstruction, books ever written
Combining the scientific with the personal emotional to better understand the reasons
Other authors might have just focused on the theoretical, neurochemical, brain architecture, epigenetic traits, etc. way, the just psychiatric psychological foundations, or on personal, emotional examples, but by combining the science and knowledge offered by Perry with the wisdom and real life experiences of Oprah, the book reaches new levels of accessibility to help readers find out how broken they really are. And accepting and understanding what caused years and decades of self doubt, fragility, and mental problems is the key to the solution in the form of a fresh, better, and more stable self.
The medical, neurological part of PTSD and trauma manifested and shown with real life examples that might be disturbing and too much for some readers
The above mentioned balance stays perfect throughout the whole book, Perry delivers the understandable, broken down science which is spiced and exponentiated by Opray, who is not getting weaker by opening herself up to what happened to her, but stronger by accepting, forgiving, and thereby creating a positive, better, and healthier self. That´s another key element, not believing that one is this body, emotion, diagnosis, or mind, but that´s it´s just the current, changeable state one can form to whatever kingdom or hell one wants to live in. Including another extremely challenging part, not forgiving, but accepting the perpetrators and the impact they had without triggering flashbacks.
The baby makes the child makes the teen makes the adult brain and identity.
Understanding that one can get out of her/his skin, break the doom loop, escape the self made mental torture chamber, can just be achieved by reflecting on how the present state of mind has been reached, what made one the person one is. Desillusion of self and ego, something close to enlightenment, might be an a bit too big, unrealistic option for beginners, but the central, most important key element on the way is the same. Accepting that one doesn´t have to be the person, described by adjectives, mindsets, or mainstream psychological traits, one was made and used to be, because change is possible. And just that milestone leads to
Healing and an end of suffering
Just by understanding and realizing how miserable one really is, the step towards finally growing scars, on wounds festering for years, can be done. Gratitude, exercise, mindfulness, meditation, Buddhism, perseverance, and discipline are necessary to reach this extremely tricky goal. Social nets and family can help, but the most essential part is to transform and metamorphize from helpless victim or mentally sick and unstable patient who suffers, takes pills, goes to therapy for years, and never dares to dig down to the core of the problems and confront oneself with them, to someone developing auto self repair functions and resilience.
Don´t fight or flight, meditate and find inner peace
The key problem, I found in close to all similar works, is to never understand that an untrained monkey mind is an accelerating self destruction train that is getting more and more momentum by changing neural passways, by deepening all problems by conditioning the personality to more fear, fright, avoiding behavior, and mental problems. While awake, the demons, memories, and injuries keep popping up as they wish to, old associations are mixed with the current life and one doesn´t even want to know what happens while sleeping. Of course, perfected mind control and years of practice are a damned hard challenge, but without that tricky psychological workout, one ends with a different, weaker, far less armored, and save brain and mind.
Personal drivel
What motivates me to reach these therapy, Buddhism, meditation nonfiction works is mostly an egoistic wish to pimp my mind to perfection, because I have the extreme luck of not having real traumatic problems, just the usual WEIRD first world problems with childhood, parents, family, the usual ridiculous stuff when compared to people who suffered real, long time mental, physical, and sexual abuse. Those might find one of the most successful ways to deal with their issues, to find a better way back to a normal life. Because the more I understand how severely my minor mini traumas influence who I was, am, and will be, the more respect I have for people who find ways out of the abysses of things done to them, so terrible that close to all average people wouldn´t find a way back out of the screaming nightmares haunting them.
Other great, similar books that are dealing with improving ones´ psychic bodys´ defences:
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/9...
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3...
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1...
More to find in my 0 mental strength shelve.
A wiki walk can be as refreshing to the mind as a walk through nature in this completely overrated real life outside books:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Positiv...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meditation
https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autogen...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mindful...
Rating: really liked it
This was such a much needed read.
I’ve always been of the opinion that your beginnings, your childhood, your what-happened-to-you moments shape your being. Your past shapes your present, your wounds can translate into something you don’t even recognise started with some form of trauma.
The audiobook was great. It felt like I was listening to a podcast. There are case studies presented alongside the science of the mind and how the two intertwine. The science never felt too much. It was easy enough to follow and understand.
This allowed me to reflect a lot. Truth be told, it’s something I’m always thinking about.
Healing from trauma is a lifelong journey and I think my biggest takeaway from this book is that it’s never too late, it’s definitely possible and the brain is malleable. It allows you to look at your difficulties, your circumstance with grace and compassion, as well as those of others. And that your chances of healing are better with a loving support system. Whether that it is with your own family or your own found family.
A random tidbit: annoying to know that us weak humans are social creatures and need people/community to really survive and have a healthy mental well-being. That’s my plan to live like a hermit out the window.
Rating: really liked it
Audiobook…
read by Bruce D. Perry and
Oprah Winfrey
…..8 hours and 27 minutes
“Biologically speaking….
continuous trauma can weaken remaining neutral pathways to the thinking part of the brain and strengthen neutral pathways to the survival part, thus bypassing the thinking part, which makes some children less capable of coping with adversity as they grow up”.
The terrific duo conversational styling, was enhanced in the audiobook format.
“What Happened To You?”
rather than “what’s wrong with you?”
uncovers interesting scientific findings that directly corresponds to emotional, psychological, or physical trauma.
Genuinely eye-opening—
….new understandings about feelings, PTSD, vibration of love, etc.
….revolutionary aspects are discussed- and it makes perfect sense.
….healing possibilities are possible — no matter what the past traumatic situation was.
Clearly we are not done learning about mental health.
Well researched —a terrific addition to the great books that address worthiness, shame, vulnerability, early childhood trauma and the effects on the brain throughout a persons life…
…on self-awareness, continued education and guidelines for living wholeheartedly from a peaceful inner world of worthiness.
Interesting stories balanced with Scientific Findings.
All proceeds from this book are donated to the Boys and Girls Club Mississippi.
Rating: really liked it
As you move through the experiences of your past, know that no matter what happened, your being here, vibrant and alive, makes you worthy.
You alone are enough.
Sometimes a book will come into your life at exactly the right time. Traumas, both from childhood and more recent times, have been making themselves known to me with an urgency I haven’t experienced before, at a time that seems more inconvenient than pretty much any other time in my life. Although I’d love to push it all to the side, with a ‘Not now! Can’t you see I’m busy reading?’, there’s also a knowing that there’s never going to be a good time and that maybe, just maybe, there’s a reason it’s all coming up for me now.
So, here I am, trying to figure out what healing will look like for me and having conversations with people who are seeing my resilience from the outside in vastly different ways than I’m perceiving it from the inside. Then this book, which covers the trifecta of what my brain has decided is my priority right now (trauma, resilience and healing), makes its way into my world.
The shift from asking ‘what’s wrong with you?’ to ‘what happened to you?’ is something I’ve yearned to hear for most of my life. Western society is so fixed on labels, which I know have their place and can be useful, but all too often pasting a diagnosis (or multiple diagnoses) on someone marginalises them more than it helps them. If we don’t get to the core of why a person behaves the way they do then we’re really missing the point, and the opportunity to best support them.
All of us want to know that what we do, what we say and who we are, matters.
Dr. Perry’s work in understanding how the brain’s development is impacted by early trauma helps explain why we behave the way we do, for example, why some people lash out in anger and others withdraw into themselves.
There’s science in this book but it was explained in a way that made sense to me, someone who hasn’t formally studied science since high school. Even if you don’t understand a concept the first time it’s mentioned it’s okay as it will be referred to in later conversations. If words like ‘brainstem’, ‘diencephalon’, ‘limbic’ and ‘cortex’ make you want to disengage, I’d encourage you to hold on because how the science relates to someone’s life will be explained. This, in turn, will make it easier to apply what’s being said to your own life. You’ll read about people Dr. Perry has worked with, people Oprah has interviewed and about Oprah’s own experiences.
Knowledge truly is powerful and simply having an understanding of why a smell or sound (‘evocative cues’) can cause people with PTSD to have flashbacks, making them feel as though they’re right back in that moment, feels like half the battle. If you’re not caught up in judging yourself for your brain responding the way that it does, then it frees up so much energy that you can use to regulate yourself.
I learned about how our view of the world becomes a “self-fulfilling prophecy”, why self harm makes so much sense to the people who do it (even though it baffles the people who don’t), the importance of rhythm in regulation, how vital connections with other people are to healing and why I need to learn more about neuroplasticity.
I gained a much better understanding of flock, freeze, flight and fight. Dissociation, which I thought I knew all about from personal experience, make much more sense to me now, as does why I find reading so helpful in my everyday life.
I love facts and there were some that really put what I was reading into context for me.
During the first nine months, fetal brain development is explosive, at times reaching a rate of 20,000 new neurons ‘born’ per second. In comparison, an adult may, on a good day, create 700.
This book isn’t about blaming anyone for your trauma and it’s not giving you an excuse for bad behaviour. It does explain why you react the way you do and can help silence the voice inside you that tells you there’s something wrong with you because of it - your reaction is reasonable given your history but there is also hope; you can heal.
I would recommend this book to so many people. Before I’d even begun reading I’d recommended it to my GP and would not hesitate in recommending it to anyone who works in a profession that brings them into contact with young children and their families or trauma survivors.
To this day, the role that trauma and developmental adversity play in mental and physical health remains under appreciated.
I would recommend it to trauma survivors, although with a few caveats: that they stay safe while reading (some of the content is bound to be triggering), read at their own pace and make good use of their support system as needed. Loved ones of trauma survivors will find explanations for why their friend or family member behaves the way that they do and ways they can help.
I’m not someone who usually listens to audiobooks but if there’s a book that would be more suited for that format than this one, a series of conversations between Dr. Perry and Oprah, I can’t think of it. Of course, having grown up with Oprah, I heard everything she said in her voice as I read anyway but I’m definitely planning to reread via audiobook.
It takes courage to confront your actions, peel back the layers of trauma in our lives and expose the raw truth of what happened.
But, this is where healing begins.
Content warnings include mention of (view spoiler)
[addiction, alcoholism, bullying, death by suicide, domestic violence, foster care, gun violence, mental health, murder, neglect, physical abuse, physical health, poverty, racism, self harm, sexual assault, slavery, suicidal ideation and traumatic loss (hide spoiler)].
Thank you so much to NetGalley and Bluebird, an imprint of Pan Macmillan, for the opportunity to read this book.
Blog - https://schizanthusnerd.com
Rating: really liked it
This book has something for everyone and I highly recommend it! First of all let me say - you absolutely should go with the audiobook for this one.
Oprah narrates it along with Dr. Perry and it's almost like listening to a really interesting podcast. There is science and information provided, but it's always tied to real life examples and experiences that keeps you interested while also helping you better understand the concepts being discussed. I personally don't have any specific trauma (that I can recall anyways) to work through but I still found this book to be really helpful, and not in a corny "self-help book" kind of way. I think everyone could benefit from reading this, and here are just some examples:
- Are you a fan of Oprah? You can learn about her own traumatic childhood experiences and how she is also working to help support traumatized students in the girls' school she created. The epilogue concerning her mother made me cry and I am not a crier.
- Are you a parent? You can learn why your child literally can't process your instructions when they are not in a regulated state of mind and how your own regulation (or lack thereof) might be impacting your interactions with your child.
- Have you had a traumatic experience, no matter how big or small? You can learn how it might be impacting you in ways you aren't even aware of!
- Have you wondered why some people (maybe even yourself or someone you love) have patterns of self destructive behavior such as cutting, actively pushing away supportive relationships, and using social media to seek self-affirmation? All of these things are discussed and explained!
- Are you interested in more 'natural' healing? Learn how indigenous groups have successfully healed trauma and issues of regulation without 'therapy'.
- Are you a teacher or someone who works with children? You can learn how and why problematic child behaviors can be tied to trauma, why trauma that occurs in earlier ages lasts longer, and how prioritizing resolving issues with regulation first can improve all other facets in a child's life including their ability to learn.
- Do you or someone you know suffer from PTSD? You can learn why your brain reacts in certain ways before you can even process thoughts about a triggering situation.
I really can't recommend this book enough - go get this audiobook! You won't regret it.
Rating: really liked it
Not all that impressed with this one, Oprah. Unless you are very interested in child development/psychology, not sure this is worth the time. Additionally, I don't agree that trauma can only encompass severe situations (e.g., sexual abuse, child abuse). I personally have a broader definition, and this book didn't include relevant information from that perspective. There also wasn't much about how to heal the trauma, especially as an adult. I do, however, like the idea of reframing the question to what happened to you, rather than what's wrong with you, and relieving some of the victim aspect while not dissolving accountability.
Rating: really liked it
This was a very meaningful and thought-provoking book. I listened to this on audio, which was an enjoyable conversation between the great Oprah Winfrey and her longtime collaborator Dr. Perry, a neuroscientist and child psychologist who specializes in trauma and how it affects the brain.
The discussions of the brain were well-done and made it easier for a layperson like me to understand. And I appreciated the wide variety of stories Oprah and Perry shared that illustrated the impact trauma can have on a person.
I liked this book so much I already bought multiple copies to share. Highly recommended for those interested in psychology.
Rating: really liked it
This should absolutely be required reading for everyone. Why? Because it explains how we don't really know anyone until we know what happened to them. And from that perspective, it gives educators, parents, and really everybody who interacts with humans a new perspective on why we as humans act the way we do.
It's easily the best non-clinical book on trauma I've ever read. Definite must read.
Rating: really liked it
Imagine you experience trauma. As a result, you will have physical and mental reactions that your body uses to help you get out of the situation. Sometimes this is useful, in many cases it causes new problems. Winfrey and Perry discuss this, giving examples, adding biographical context and explaining the neurological reasons for what is happening. This is not only about trauma resulting from sexual abuse, though there are many references to that as well. Instead, you’ll find examples from situations like kidnapping, shooting, murder, and more.
Some of these passages could at times appear a little too long, which happens because Perry, an expert on trauma, gives so detailed examples and explanations. However, what he says is necessary to create the complete picture, and I think this book is one that takes time anyway, so I didn't really mind. There are many references to heartbreaking and serious situations which are used to explain the reasons for how and why people react in certain ways.
All in all this was a great book, and the authors manage to tell about rather complex issues in an understandable way.
5 out of 5 stars
Rating: really liked it
I wanted to like this book and I did like the theme that pulsed throughout. However, I had some issues with the mixed messages such as "if you didn't know love as a child, you can never love", then later on saying everyone can heal. Also, many times throughout the book there was some negative generalizations and pre-judging of single parents, which I found highly inappropriate. (There are some single parents who are rocking it and some two-parent homes that are not.). Finally, confirmation bias was prevalent throughout, as the book seemed riddled with sensational, cherry picked stories used to illustrate the point.
Rating: really liked it
I wanted to like this book a lot, but it just didn’t hit for me. The idea is important - ask about what happened to you rather than what is “wrong” with you. However, the vast majority of the book focuses on infant and early childhood experiences and barely touches on trauma that happens in young adult or adulthood. I came away feeling like this book was more about parenting than about healing from trauma. The best parts were about Oprah’s own life and childhood; those sections were emotionally impactful.
Rating: really liked it
Man, I really loved this book. It was an incredibly fascinating tour through the way the MIND processes trauma. There was a quote, "we prefer the certainty of misery to the misery of uncertainty", that stuck with me when he said it. He also points out that in trauma, we are not "resilient". We don't bounce back unchanged. We are forever changed. And we have to work hard to readjust and change the lens which has been altered during the traumatic event. We're malleable. Not resilient. I appreciated that. Abuse of any sort changes you. Period. You NEVER see things the same way you did prior. It's learning to change that lens again afterward that is the process of healing.
I loved this book a lot. It was a really great listen as I'm on my own journey and I highly recommend it.
Rating: really liked it
This should be a required book for everyone.
Rating: really liked it
Yowza. This was just too boring and scattered
I’ve read several books on trauma, PTSD, how the body keeps score, and so very little was new to me and how it was presented was inferior to previous explanations.
I also found it lacking in enough varied examples or actionable suggestions. Switching between the doctor “explaining” and Oprah coming in (it came across as interruptive) with her experience made me think it would have been better to turn this into a memoir with professional analysis ... maybe.
It isn’t a helpful manual in my experience.
Summary: this book didn’t work for me but I appreciate any books written in the mental health space especially by beloved celebs.
DNF
Rating: really liked it
What if we asked “what happened to you?” Instead of “what’s wrong with you?”? What if we heal the generational trauma instead of passing it on to the next generation?
This book fabulous! It gave me lots to think about and reminded me to have more grace for myself and others, we are all fighting deep wounds.
