Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It

Elyse Walters

Rating: really liked it
Audiobook...read by the author: Ethan Kristen...5 hours and 44 minutes

***INNER THOUGHTS ARE LIKE A CARNIVAL RIDE THAT ONE CAN’T GET OFF*** 🎡🎢

“Chatter”....was worth reading.
I honestly thought I was a pro — ( haha, not ‘too’ egotistical here), on the workings of our inner voice...( especially the critic: that little voice inside our heads that loves to be an ugly-mean-not-nice-machine)....
But....I was humbled. I learned a lot. I was re-affirmed that the inner workings of chatter — (the hidden mechanics of ‘Chatter’ is pretty much pressed ‘on’ high gear all the time....and at the very least, human beings spend a minimum of a third of their lives not being present).

Professor of psychology at the University of Michigan, debut author, Ethan Kross brings us hot-off-the-press-up-to-date data, understandings, and a few stories to drive home examples of what happens when we talk to ourselves.

It’s a wonderful 5 hour-ish listen. There is plenty to contemplate, discuss, reflect, and learn.
Kross examines - explains - brings awareness to new thought. He gives us tools for our toolbox to most effectively manage our ‘chatter’.

A few tidbits to anticipate, examine, meditate, cogitate about, brood over, muse over, kick around, and conceptualize are:

......did you realize that the link between physical and emotional pain were much more connected then at one point previously assumed?

..... why can some people look at their inner voice and gain strength, while others feel powerless, imperfect, and knocked down?

..... when was the last time you examined your voice? When was the last time you thought about new ways to relate to your voice positively? ...rather than listening to the repetitive negativity?

.....introspection means actively paying attention to one’s own thoughts and feelings. Going inside ourselves contributes to more fulfilling life.

..... The negative aspects of chatter can turn our inner introspection into a turmoil about decision-making, relationships, health, problems at work, etc.

.....Kross begins to give us tips of how to look at our inner coach, rather than our inner critic. Why does going inside with our inner thoughts sometimes bring success, while other times complete failure? What’s the mechanism for the science?

..... what can we do, when we find our our inner thoughts are running off course? Feelings of anxiety, dizzy, off-balance, frustrated, unsettled, insecure, etc.?

.....Ethan talked about the modern popularity of BE HERE NOW: staying in the present. As a scientist, Ethan Kross ( with his many studies and findings), .... it turns out that actually BE HERE NOW is counterproductive to what really happens. It’s just not that easy for the brain to evolve in BE PRESENT NOW ( you silly worm)....
Our brains just don’t work that way naturally… Giving us another reason to beat ourselves up because we can’t seem to be able to do it for long periods of time. Oh there are some tips and some tricks which Kross will share.... but for goodness sake,it’s not the natural state of our minds.

.... as naturally as we breathe, we disconnect from the here and now. Kross names it: “Our Default State”.

.....Our inner voice is a very fast talker. It’s a ‘basic feature’ of the mind.
Often our chatter gets louder when we least need it to be. When we are dealing with difficult emotions, a constant rehashing of old events, dialogue with ourselves, and rambling of various thoughts....run on and on and on..... again, being counterproductive. The InterVoice can get fixated on one specific topic, and it can sabotage us.

.....Before Kross takes us through the positive and negative ways chatter affects our lives emotionally, and physically, he teaches us how to control the voice in our head ......explaining to us the need to ‘understand’ why we have an inner voice.

.....We zoom in. We zoom out. Our chatter can poison us....and they can heal us. When we lose perspective, the negative side of the voice just takes over. Negative emotions can be so intense that they create physical problems. Again.....Kross shows us other ways to gain a wider view in perspective and constructive ways. The mind is flexible if we know how to manage it. It has a psychological distance...but when emotional chatter is taking over, it requires some practice to manage the psychological distance in a healthy way.

..... I loved one of the examples he shared about going to the movies. When we go to the movies to distract ourselves from our pain.... The problems are still there when we come out of the movies. The negative feelings remain waiting to be activated again.
Lucky us....Kross discusses how we can begin to make smarter choices to support our physical and emotional health.
He has shiny new tools we can add to our toolbox.

.....This review is getting as long as the book....kidding!!
There’s some wonderful stories... and honestly wonderful tips.

..... I could write pages more. I actually really like this whole topic.. Old memories came back to me .... situations that I found myself in....my own chatter stories visited me while reading this book ....
I noticed when venting a problem didn’t work...when it did. There are some *Golden* examples about the pros and cons of sharing specific details of a painful emotion/ event to a friend.

....A HUGE TAKE-AWAY for parents: ( the book will explain more)....provide a GREEN EXPERIENCE....OFTEN. When children are not exposed to nature, regularly, there’s a 50% more chance that they will experience depression and anxiety when they are adults.

Loved this book more than I thought! I feel refresh and restored .... I understand the value for reducing negative chatter and stress in our lives.

Hallelujah! Thank you Ethan Kross

Christine

Rating: really liked it
4.5 rounded to 5 stars

Over the last year I have been drawn to memoirs and contemporary fiction with psychological themes. I believe this book is the first psychologically themed book I’ve read from self-help department. You know that chatterbox, that inner voice you have that seems to make your life miserable? Yeah, that. It is particularly chatty in introverts who spend a lot of time in their heads like me. Wouldn’t you love a way to just shut it up seeing as it’s generally a glass half empty yapper? If so, then you should pick up this book. It gives you a ton of ways to squelch the miserable totally unhelpful demoralizing blather coming from that inner voice.

Ethan Kross, PhD, is a worldwide researcher and expert on controlling the conscious mind. He is currently a psychology professor at the University of Michigan where he is director of the Emotion & Self Control Laboratory. In Chatter, he uses research studies (his and other scholars’) focusing on the brain and human behavior and real-life experiences of famous and unfamous people to weave together a most compelling treatise on how to gain control over that inner voice, turning it from being a negative critic into a helpful coach.

I was amazed at all the ways chatter can be corralled. And not just corralled but turned into something beneficial. Just corralling with a technique like mindfulness can turn off the negative thoughts for a while, but nothing really gets resolved. Dr. Kross teaches us how to corral AND convert that voice into a valuable constructive ally. Even though this was a Libby App book, I was highlighting like crazy as this stuff is so good. When I had to return the e-book I decided I needed to download my own copy from Amazon as I’m sure I will refer to it time and again.

Another bonus in owning the book is there is a chapter entitled The Tools at the end. All the principles, tools, and techniques taught in how to turn spirals of negativity into clear and constructive thoughts are listed together in this section. The techniques are subdivided into those you can implement with yourself, tools that involve other people, and approaches that involve the environment. Some of the tools are tougher to pull off. For example, when you are in the heat of an argument, you have little time to journal about it or visualize being a neutral fly on the wall. The tools are thus listed in order of easiest/fastest to implement. My favorite is one of the fast ones—turn the chatter into 2nd or 3rd person using my name instead of “me” or “I.” It helps you zoom out from your inner voice and think more like a problem-solver not for yourself but for someone else. I can say to myself, “Chris, that’s ridiculous thinking—what would you think Jean should do if this was her situation and not yours?” Try it. It works!

This is a read that requires you to pay attention. One half star off for that as I’m sometimes lazy when I read and then it’s work to pay attention. Five stars for content, however. I am definitely rounding up as content trumps my own inherent laziness. I highly recommend Chatter for everyone as everyone has that blasted inner voice.

Laura Mitchell Hutchinson

Rating: really liked it
Really helpful info for an anxious soul like me! Fascinating to learn of the science behind my own 'inner voice' and what I can do to stop the negative spiralling that seems to happen so often. I have tried to use some of these techniques over the past week or so and surprised myself when they actually worked! 4.5 stars from me, not because the content was lacking but just my own personal experience with it – this is quite an academic read, which I am not used to, and at times I found it really hard to concentrate. Right when I was thinking 'I hope someone makes a dot point summary of this so I don't forget' I discovered the back section is a fantastic, categorised summary of practical tips for handling my own inner voice, being a support to the people around me coping with 'chatter' and how to adjust my lifestyle to prevent that negative-spiral taking over unnecessarily. I am SO GRATEFUL for intelligent people like Dr Ethan Kross. THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR WISDOM

Disclaimer: I was able to read this book early as an advanced reading copy because I work in the publishing industry in Australia.

mina

Rating: really liked it
Chatter is probably the best “self help” book on how to deal with anxiety I’ve read so far. Some of the tools I was already familiar with/subconsciously already doing, but reading about the studies and examples that make these tools so successful was really helpful in motivating me to put them into practice more often.

Also, very grateful there’s a summary at the end with all the advice, because I didn’t take notes while reading 🥲.

Tracy Miller

Rating: really liked it
Fine, but no big insights. Reinforcement of what I already knew. Too surface level. My worrying is too strong for the basic tricks this book provides. And I’m more interested right now in learning to be motivated by my discomfort to make life changes, not to just relieve the bad feelings. Still, there were some good strategies and some genuinely helpful information about nature and green spaces.

Hamad

Rating: really liked it
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Actual Rating: 3.75 Stars
June's Non-Fiction book of the month!

“However it manifests itself, when the inner voice runs amok and chatter takes the mental microphone, our mind not only torments but paralyzes us. It can also lead us to do things that sabotage us.”

I am going to start the review by thanking my friend Aadi for the recommendation. The book wasn’t actually on my Radar until they told me about it and since I am a fan of psychology and science I got a copy ASAP and read it immediately.

The last few months have been some of the strangest in my life and I had so much chatter in my brain to the degree it was depressing. I am naturally an anxious person and I am always overthinking and I thought this book might help me. I tried some of the techniques and I can say they helped me a bit but those are things that should be integrated into the life style so seeing actual results will surely take more time.

The writing is very digestible, it is a scientific book without being flooded with all the weird jargon. I think it is a book that could be read by all people! I just expected to have material, like what is the origin of that voice and why do some people not have it (not pathologically) and readers should be aware that there’s a notes section (like references) and it is about 30% of the book length so the actual material is not that long.

I liked some of the examples and psychological theories explained. There was one point I really liked that “a robust body of new research has demonstrated that when we experience distress, engaging in introspection often does significantly more harm than good.” And I think I am gonna implement that more in my life.

“our inner voice can be both a liability and an asset. The words streaming through our heads can unravel us, but they can also drive us toward meaningful accomplishments…if we know how to control them.”

Summary: I enjoyed the book and I think it could be helpful when the theory is applied which is harder than it sounds. The book itself was easy to read and not that long given the notes length. There was a good summary at the end which I loved and I think all non-fiction book should have!

Noula

Rating: really liked it
It's quite amazing how things happen for a reason. Recently, I was bullied by rejecting a man from Facebook Dating saying we aren't a good match. I went with my inner voice or Chatter as this book calls it. That night I got an email book recommendation from Penguin and it was this book. I had a free credit on Audible and I made up my mind, then purchased it.

Little did I know that I would encounter a story told by Ethan. Normally when I encounter or come across books similar to this one I was expecting a whole lecture on our thought processes. This book is totally different! I will not give away spoilers for there are many that come to mind. But, what I can say is that if you are an introvert and also an over thinker then this book is for you.

I've always ignored my chatter, never went with it, my intuition etc. Recently, I went with it due to relationships in dating. Because of that I learned how to harness my emotions and to not react when provoked to do so by someone else who is angry. Trust me...this book gets 5 stars. Read it and learn about your own chatter. Recognize it and use it to the best of your advantage.

Cari

Rating: really liked it
A helpful, practical read for those of us who struggle with the voice in our head talking All. The. Time. Kross, a professor at the University of Michigan, explains that all of us have a voice in our head, and that it evolved for a purpose, to help keep us safe. It helps us solve problems and maintain a rich inner life--we just have to learn to keep it at bay. I am wondering if some people perceive that voice differently, because my husband insists he does not have a voice talking to him all day. Maybe he doesn't hear it as words, I don't know, but I have the inner monologue going constantly. It helped to read about why this inner voice exists and how we can give it a purpose. In my mindfulness practice, we talk a lot about leaning into a thought or leaning out of it, and this book gives us a lot of tools for fine-tuning the amount of distance you want from that mental talk. You want to be close enough to engage with it if you need it, but far away enough to view it with controlled emotion. Kross also talks about how to engage with others who are struggling with mental talk. As he describes it, we need both the empathy and comfort of Kirk and the logical mindset of Spock when we are trying to help others. I like that analogy and will be thinking about that as I work with both my own thoughts and those of others.

MMC1

Rating: really liked it
Did not finish reading....I got about 3/4 of the way thru this book and decided to stop. It started out really well and I thought "oh great, a book by a scientist that is readable and accessible, this will be great." Well....it did start out great, with a personal anecdote by the author himself retelling his experience with letting the chatter in his head get to him and he himself studies this stuff in his lab! I thought, wow, this will be insightful! Hmmmm, it was in the beginning, but then it veered off into too many descriptions of experiments with college students and how they were testing different aspects of how situations affect the inside chatter in your head and it got dry real fast. It was interspersed with examples of well known people/celebrities' stories from the news that you may be familiar with but then veered off into the experiments again. My biggest comment is that to me it didn't offer enough practical advice to be useful. It described what these experiments were trying to prove and how they could help you, but then fell short of actually explaining how to put their conclusions into action.

The last quarter of the book called "Tools" where he finally tells you how these experiments can help you in your daily life were not useful to me and in frustration I didn't even bother to finish it. He gave no concrete examples of how to apply it in daily life. He just summarized the experiments and then listed what they should do for you without really giving examples of how to put it in practice. At least that was my assessment of the end of the book. I would have preferred to see at the end of each chapter the practical tips regarding the experiments in each chapter with anecdotal paragraphs of how you could put it to use not having to wait until the end of the book when I was no longer interested.

Lou (nonfiction fiend)

Rating: really liked it
Award-winning psychologist Ethan Kross explores the importance of the inner voice within our daily lives. Tell a stranger that you talk to yourself, and you’re likely to get written off as eccentric. But the truth is that we all have a voice in our head. When we talk to ourselves, we often hope to tap into our inner coach but find our inner critic instead. When we’re facing a tough task, our inner coach can buoy us up: Focus—you can do this. But, just as often, our inner critic sinks us entirely: I’m going to fail. They’ll all laugh at me. What’s the use? In Chatter, acclaimed psychologist Ethan Kross explores the silent conversations we have with ourselves. Interweaving groundbreaking behavioral and brain research from his own lab with real-world case studies—from a pitcher who forgets how to pitch, to a Harvard undergrad negotiating her double life as a spy—Kross explains how these conversations shape our lives, work, and relationships.

He warns that giving in to negative and disorienting self-talk—what he calls “chatter”—can tank our health, sink our moods, strain our social connections, and cause us to fold under pressure. But the good news is that we’re already equipped with the tools we need to make our inner voice work in our favor. These tools are often hidden in plain sight—in the words we use to think about ourselves, the technologies we embrace, the diaries we keep in our drawers, the conversations we have with our loved ones, and the cultures we create in our schools and workplaces. Brilliantly argued, expertly researched, and filled with compelling stories, Chatter gives us the power to change the most important conversation we have each day: the one we have with ourselves. It's accessible, fascinating and puts a whole new slant on the issue of your inner voice; a voice so often dismissed as unnecessary or even annoying. Kross explains in detail how this voice can be used to guide us and by talking to ourselves this is effectively our method of thinking out loud. Highly recommended.

Jamie

Rating: really liked it
As someone with a voice in her head that pretty much NEVER SHUTS UP I was drawn to this book. And hurrah!

A combination of research in psychology, told in laymans terms, and real, honest, helpful advice to quiet the chatter, while acknowledging its importance.

Also includes things that I do, like go to concerts and go hiking, that help my voice quiet down, and explains why. I love when that happens!

I'm ready to get started!

Emily

Rating: really liked it
If you’re like me, and a zillion other people, and find yourself being consumed by your thoughts—rumination, worry, etc. you’ll probably find something beneficial in this book. The author has taught on this subject for years at University of Michigan, as well as proposed and overseen numerous neurological studies regarding what he calls chatter—your inner voice, or “conversations we have with ourselves.”

It’s an informative, fairly short book, chock-full of references to different studies supporting the tools he presents to defend yourself against and gaining control over spiraling thoughts. There are several different approaches, and they’re outlined nicely in the last section of the book, “The Tools.” In fact, if you’re short on time, you could skip to this last portion of the book to get to the good stuff right away. You’ll miss out on the examples, anecdotes, and references to different studies supporting these techniques, but you’ll still get a solid explanation of different things to try when your chatter is consuming you.

He doesn’t present anything as one size fits all. Instead, he rolls out quite a few tools that have been shown to help people, and he encourages readers to try them and find what combination works best. His writing style is interesting and accessible, and I was engaged throughout.

Aaron Shulman

Rating: really liked it
A fantastic book. Among many other things, I learned how deeply entwined the mental conversations we have with ourselves are with pretty much everything that determines our quality of life: our management of painful thoughts, our emotional resilience, our relationships with others, our ability to concentrate, our physical health, and just our general daily experience of life itself. A lot of books about managing our minds seem to either toss out prescriptions with no data backing them up, promise a magical solution that inevitably falls short, or demand a change in lifestyle that can be prohibitive (ie, I'd love to meditate 45 minutes a day, but I'm just not able to make the time). In Chatter, Kross avoids these pitfalls. He offers a set of practical, science-based tools for you to experiment with and combine to discover what works best for you. For example, drawing on his research on self-talk, he explains how talking to yourself in the second person and using your own name can help to control your thoughts. Kross also pulls in a wide array of research from other domains to discuss the importance of ritual, placebos (which work even if you know they're a placebo), nature and our living spaces, experiences of awe, and how to ensure that the people we talk to about our problems help assuage rather than stoke our negative thoughts. In short, you'll learn a lot about your own mind and how to be happier living inside it. I highly recommend.

Kate Henderson

Rating: really liked it
**listened to audio book**

I was really excited to listen to/read this book, as it's a topic I find fascinating! However I was left really disappointed.
Firstly the structure of the book was all overly the place. the author talks about his experiences, and also uses case studies - flipping back and forth between the two. I found it very confusing, and didn't always know the point of some of the anecdotes. They didn't always seem relevant.
I also found the narrators voice very monotone, and it got very dull very quickly.

This wasn't the book I was hoping for.

Daniel

Rating: really liked it
DNF with extreme prejudice at 15%

Rambling, muddled. I can't recall ever encountering a more terribly written piece of pop-psy. Pop-psy and most non-fic aimed at a broad audience is incredibly padded, since you can't charge $30 for a pamphlet, but most do a much better job of integrating their useless anecdotes and at least include a couple of clear statements of each chapter's point. This reads as if it went through a blender rather than an editor.

Having read a few reviews and summaries, I don't think it's worth my time to read any further.