User Reviews
Rating: really liked it
How To Write Popular YA Supernatural Literature AND Defile Your Spirit!Based on the popular YA novel, Evermore, and aided by countless more like it, I have compiled an easy to read and follow list of rules for writing a popular series and being able to sell out your soul at the same time. Does that sound too convenient? Well, it's unbelievably easy to do if you follow my quick and easy program!
1. Create an 'Outcast' Heroine.It's important that your primarily female teenage audience can relate to your main character. So whilst you can't have your main character associate herself with being cool, it still has to be obvious to your audience that she totally is. Now, Meyer's approach of the goose-turned Swan-but was really still a goose, Bella, associated herself as 'different' and a 'loner' only to arrive at her new school and be immediately popular and accepted by almost everyone. Noel's method is different yet in a similar spirit. Her protagonist, Ever, was incredibly popular at her old school and has decided to be an outcast because she feels that she can't be accepted due to her psychic gift. She also has the ability to perceive someone's personality through the colours that define them. So instead of aligning herself with the shallow, mean and popular crowd, she aligns herself with the shallow and mean loners.
It’s very important for your protagonists to be 'different' because today's youth despise the sheep mentality and so they all strive to be unique. Since they're all different in almost the exact same way, it is relatively easy to emulate this, with as little effort put into characterization as possible, in your female protagonist.
As long as she shows no regard for her clothing, appearance or any kind of interest in giving a shit about anyone but herself she will easily pass with young audiences. It will be her ewniqueness that eventually draws the Perfect Hero to her as opposed to any of the usual elements such as: looks, hygiene, personality or determinable interest in the world outside their own arse.
Please also remember that she probably should be a reader, preferably of Wuthering Heights or Romeo and Juliet and that she should consider everyone around her to have inferior intelligence despite the fact that her reading repertoire extends to only a couple of books.
A noticeably absent family is necessary and a completely dead family makes for a better story because then she actually has a perceived reason to be a moody, antisocial, self-absorbed little bitch. Do this even though, in all likelihood, she would be all of the above with a perfectly normal family.
2. Create a perfect hero.It is VERY important that your hero be perfect in almost every regard. Unlike the female protagonist who can disregard her appearance, he must not only be more attractive than a GQ model without any of the effort put into his appearance, but he must also be thoughtful, intelligent and mysterious.
In no way is he to reflect almost every teenage boy to have ever existed and he must have no desire to find a partner for himself who is in anyway comparable in looks, kindness, intelligence or perfection.
If he is a vampire or some such immortal then he must be ridiculously wealthy. If he is a werewolf then he is allowed to be poor but must make up for it with incredible bedroom skills.
He needn’t have a personality that extends beyond mysterious, sexy and in love with the female protagonist. Naturally, in this respect, Meyers, Mead, Marr and Stiefvater are something like overachievers - but if Noel, Saintcrow, Clare, Kate and Fitzpatrick are any indication, then we need know little more about the hero other than the fact that he’s gorgeous, has a secret and is in love. History, friends, likes, dislikes, family, passions, interests, hobbies and personality flaws are all negligible information that is taking up precious space in your novel. Especially when you could be injecting more drooling from the female protagonist in place of any kind of characterization for your hero.
Your book will sell better if the hero stalks, follows, obsesses over and actively pursues the heroine beyond any realm of believability. You could triple your audience just by having him watch her sleep.
3. Create useless friends.It’s important to reiterate to the young adult generation that nobody other than the hero is important. Since domestic abuse begins with one partner manoeuvring the other to have limited contact with anyone else, we must strive to normalize this in literature. Thus the female protagonist shouldn’t have anyone close enough to her that she can’t break contact or eventually forget about them. It’s very important that her full focus, socialization and all of her needs are eventually devoted or met by the male protagonist.
To aid this, her friends must be selfish, vain, crazy, slutty, uncaring or in other ways undeserving of the heroine’s attentions and affections. It’s very important that she never call them on their poor, damaging and graceless friendship but must lovingly worry about them for the minimal amount of time acceptable to the reader before once again completely focusing on the mysterious hero.
4. Mix in a twisted, convoluted plot designed entirely to provide dramatic and sexy subplot.It’s important that the plot, no matter how unlikely, must revolve around the hero saving the heroine. The villains do not necessarily need to have realistic or conceivable motivations for their actions. As long as the hero gets to save the day at least three or four times then your book will be profitable!
Please remember that the actual plot of your story needn’t truly begin until at least 350 pages into your story. The longer you can stall any interesting event occuring, the less thinking you will actually need to do.
Plus - FOR FREE - extras to help 'improve' your novel, the bottom line of your sales, and the expedient destruction of your soul.-How to create a senseless mythology.Mythology is more of a concept rather than something that needs to be respected or honoured. Vampires don’t need to refrain from daylight and angels no longer need to “fall” for good they can now be redeemed like us! The good news is that creating your own mythology, disregarding anything written before, allows you to twist and bastardize the plot beyond any recognizably interesting concept!
-Explanations as to why research could actually DAMAGE your profit!Research takes time, energy and intelligence. Why do it? You’ve got ten fingers (presumably) and an attention span that extends past anything that could be compared to a gnat (even if it is only barely). Simply make it up as you go! For example: Ever is psychic. Research may tell us that this has something to do with receiving visions of the future or possibly commnicating with ghosts. Yet research is boring. Instead, she is imbued with the following powers that we guess can kind of be put under a psychic umbrella if we force enough information and logic out of our brains first: Mind reading, visions of near-present and future, personal life knowledge of any person she physically touches, seeing ghosts, seeing auras, literary osmosis from touching any written object, drawing the answers from any written question placed before her and any other supernatural abilities that seem convenient at the time.
-Detailed observations on why the Deus Ex Machina rocks.Tying together a plot, even if you work to keep it as non-complicated or infantile as possible, is hard! It’s much easier to ignore tying together a number of plot points in any believable fashion and instead rely on some Deus Ex Machina to come in and take care of thoughtful planning for you!
-How to expand one, nonsensical idea into a series and why this is more profitable than originality!Last, but not least! Ensure that your story is somewhat open ended so that you can create a series out of it! Research shows that people, even if they are intelligent enough to see that you’re writing is becoming progressively shittier and nonsensical, will often still purchase books in the series in order to find out what happens. So rather than creating a new story with new characters, simply beat the same old horse (it needn’t really be a horse – simply a pile of shit that’s been forced into a horse-like shape) for at least three or more books in order to squeeze every last cent out of the franchise that you can!
This review can also be found on my blog, Cuddlebuggery Book Blog.
Rating: really liked it
THE EVERMORE DRINKING GAME
It looks like you’ve picked up the Evermore Drinking Game, for whichever reason (but if it’s because you have an interest in reading Evermore I strongly advise against it, for your sanity’s sake). However, if you’re still not convinced to
stay the hell away from this book , the Evermore Drinking Game is here to make your reading experience as enjoyable as possible (because trust me, you won’t find anything enjoyable in this book without it).
The rules for the Evermore Drinking Game are simple: when you read any of the instances mentioned below when reading Evermore, you take a swig of anything. It could be alcohol (for the best results!); it could be water (sadly, with this option, you’ll still actually have some grasp of the story), coffee (but you’ll be as hyper as you’ve ever been before you reach the end of the game), or really any other beverage in your disposal.
Let’s begin the game, shall we? Once again, when you read any of the following instances, take a swig.
And go!
- Whenever you roll your eyes, take a swig
- Whenever you feel like taking a hammer to Evermore, take a swig (and maybe that hammer)
Easy so far? Don’t worry – you won’t be saying that after long.
- Whenever Ever (heh) is a complete and total idiot, take a swig (yikes)
- Whenever someone uses a positive adjective when describing Damen, take a swig (preferably sexy, gorgeous, hot, smoking, or even combustible)
- Whenever someone says “omigod”, take a swig (omigod you’re in trouble!)
- Whenever Ever presses her lips, take a swig (good luck with that one, my friend)
- Whenever
another talent Damen has is revealed, take a swig (but Damen will probably swig better than you)
- Whenever you find out something before Ever does, take a swig
- Whenever Ever throws herself a pity party, take a swig (
ya know, her family used to like parties...)
- Whenever Ever dreams of Damen, take a swig
- Whenever Damen and Ever declare their undying love for each other, take a swig
- Whenever Riley is annoying, take a swig
- Whenever you find a Twilight
rip off reference, take a swig (man, I’m
harsh!)
- Whenever you feel the urge to run out the nearest window because you’re reading Evermore, take
Cymbalta a swig
- When (or if) you finish Evermore, take a swig, because you, my friend, conquered this monstrosity
Congratulations! You’ve made it this far and finished the Evermore Drinking Game! (And if you haven’t that’s either because you’re too drunk to function and in intensive care, in the bathroom doing only god knows what, or dead.)
Well, wasn’t this game enjoyable!
If one thing’s for certain, it was more enjoyable than Evermore.
Rating: really liked it
Edit (04/01/2018): Commentary from Present Day MeOh man, sixteen-year-old me was so
angry lmao. Bless his soul.
This review was fun to look back on, since I actually did read the entire series. All six books, all terrible. I guess this was also during my Brony phase; I noticed the Rarity GIF immediately. This series was one of those ones that
offended me with how bad it was, if I recall correctly.
My old review (somewhere around 2012):Hokay. So. Instead of reviewing the book, I've decided I'm just going to review the whole series right here.
It is, and I say this without even an ounce of doubt,
the worst series I have ever read. Of all the worst things, this is absolutely
There will be spoilers in this review, but you know, who the fuck cares?
I wasted my time reading this whole series, because it was basically for nothing. I recently realized that all of Ever's "struggles" in this series are only for the sole purpose so that she can break the curse that's been preventing them to have sex. Thus eventually having sex. Which they do, in the last book's ending, predictably.
Ever is the stupidest heroine in the history of YA. Every book ends with her making stupid choice after stupid choice. In
Blue Moon, she listened to the bad guy, thus unleashing the curse that I was talking about earlier. In the third book, she chose to save her "best friend" Haven (who was actually a poser bitch that was barely even nice to her) over curing the curse, and by saving her she made her an immortal as well, which I could not get over cause she was insufferable enough mortal. And whadaya know, she turns into the villain in book four. Shocker.
And then of course, there's Damen Auguste. Arrogant, muscular, perfect, rich. He can paint better than Picasso. He's absolutely perfect and flawless in every way possible. He's also a controlling and selfish douchebag that irritates me to no end. Honestly, that's why he and Ever are perfect for each other. Because they're both so equally annoying.
And this curse thing. God, it dragged on and on for like four books with no resolution. Basically, at the end of book two, Ever listens to the villain─yet another example of her utter stupidity─and ends up getting tricked by him. Sure, she cures Damen of this "disease" that the villain put on him, but there's a catch: they won't be able to touch or "transfer DNA". Meaning, they won't be able to fuck. Of course, Ever is all freaking out about it cause she thinks that if they don't fuck sooner or later Damen will leave her, since all hot guys are like that, aren't they?
Throughout the rest of the books, all Ever wants is to get the antidote, but due to her making stupid choices in every book, it never works out. And I think during book three or four or something, Damen starts to be a little more minimalistic─dressing less fancy, getting rid of his expensive car, etc─and you know what Ever does?
She whines about it.
Damen is actually making an effort to get rid of his cocky, arrogant self─to be a "better person" if you will─and you whine about it? My god, do you guys SEE how absolutely ridiculous her stupidity is? I wanted to just reach into the page and knock some sense into her.
But back to the whole antidote thing, when I saw the cover for book five, Night Star, I thought "Wow, is she finally going to get that stupid antidote already?"
And you know how she gets this "antidote"? She doesn't. It turns out that there's this magical tree with a magical fruit that when you eat it, it makes you "truly immortal". In other words, able to fuck. And no, unfortunately I did not make that up, it's actually how it goes.
So in the end, they do fuck. And that's it. Done. Ever claims that they're now "truly together" and everyone lives happily ever after.
So what was the message Alyson Noel gave? You have to have sex with someone to be "truly together" with them. What a powerful, inspiring message for young readers everywhere. Bravo, Ms. Noel.
To put it shortly, this series is about two selfish people who want so badly to bump uglies. Further, I think that this series is nothing but a waste. A waste of time, space, paper, pretty much everything you can think of. I still ask myself every single day why I ever chose to go through with reading all of the books. I'll never get back those brain cells I lost.
You may say, "Whoa, isn't that a bit harsh? It can't be
that bad, can it?" The reason why I may come off as very angry in this review is because it's not just the horrible kind of bad, it's the
offensive kind of bad. The oh-my-god-why-do-you-even-exist-on-this-planet kind of bad. The entire plotline of the series in general is pretty much the piss frosting on top of the shit cake, because all this time I'd been reading a series that's
solely about two selfish asshole teenage immortals who want to fuck that they're willing to do anything for it, the female one being more desperate than a thirsty reality TV star. That's
all there is to it!This is not the type of shit that tween girls should be reading and fantasizing over. They should
not take the message that this book puts forth about having sex with someone being the
only way to prove your love or make a relationship last. It's just disgusting and wrong on so many levels, and I can't believe the gall of the author to implant this abysmal moral on young minds. That may have not been her goal; she may not have realized it, but I thought that it was crystal clear.
So I advise you, dear reader: if you value your well-being, stay far far far FAR away from this atrocity. Don't make the same mistake I did. You still have the chance to save yourselves.
Take it.
Rating: really liked it
Have you ever heard of Mini Pop Kids? You know, those thirteen-year-olds who fit 24 cheap covers of mega-hit songs on to 2 CDs and pedal them on horrifyingly gaudy adverts between episodes of real 70s
Scooby-Doo on Teletoon Retro?
(By the way, Teletoon Retro is the best channel on television. Check it out. It's absolutely brilliant. You can watch crappily animated suggestive vintage cartoons like
Dexter's Laboratory and
Top Cat and
The Flintstones at 3 am with short commercial breaks. Love it? Yes.)
Mini Pop Kids is basically the definition of pointless commercialism, and they're so
shiny. I was not that shiny when I was thirteen. I had terrible acne and I wore too much eyeliner because I thought I was emo, and I really liked wearing these frumpy ex-nursing shoes to school. In front of people.
See, this book is basically the Mini Pop Kids of the YA paranormal romance genre. It's this awful shiny, cheap knock-off written on really floppy paper. It's like the gas station version of
Twilight - and that's assuming that it's possible for anything to be worse than
Twilight. Is it possible to be worse than
Twilight?
It's not like the plot even makes any sense. Ever and Damen's romance just happens randomly, one night at a party (said party being an example of how aggressively Ever takes advantage of her aunt Sabine). It's pretty formulaic YA fare: smokin' hot Lothario and cloth-eared cardboard cut-out check each other out for a while, do a little stalking, and then Adonis tells Plain Jane how much prettier and smarter she is than all the other short-skirted
sluts (!!!) at school and then they kiss and fall in eternal love within about one hundred pages. Blah, blah. And there's this painful "gotta catch the girl" pursuit in which Ever expresses strong disinterest in Damen, but he ignores this and continues to push against her until she gives in. According to this book, "no" means "keep trying".
This is dangerous, and it is bullshit. If you're disinterested in someone, you have absolutely no obligation to pretend to be interested in them. If someone pursues you but you don't want to be pursued by them, it's 200% reasonable to tell them to go away, stop it, or leave you alone.I could wax on and on about the whole virgin/whore dichotomy that tears through this book like a bull seeing red but that would be a waste of time. We already know it's going to be a sexist, racist, homophobic mess. Why do we already know this? Two reasons. One? It's a New York Time Bestseller, and sits at the forefront of most bookstore YA displays, and apparently the prerequisite for both of these privileges is appallingly offensive content. Two? It was written by someone who lives in a world where it's perfectly fine and acceptable to pat rape culture on the back, fetishize people of colour, ridicule and commodify people within the LGBTQA+ community, and to use a woman's appearance, intelligence and sexual choices to degrade her. So let's not bother with the formalities of "this is why it is offensive". It just is offensive, and that's that. It doesn't take a genius to work out why.
You'd expect a book with such shitty content to at least have some mercy and be properly written. It isn't. It's like fanfiction, all "hel-
lo!" and "totally" and with the narrator using "I mean" as a prefix to about 60% of her inner monologue. It's appalling. It's like
Marked, because it's not even fun to laugh at. It's just cringe-worthy in it's crappiness. Didn't I say this was a gas station
Twilight? Well, it is!
Speaking of the narrator? Ever's a piece of shit. That's basically it. She's a huge piece of shit. She treats everyone around her like garbage and then expects them to paw at her adoringly while she mopes in her hoodie, with no makeup on her face. Okay, okay. So you think you're a wallflower and you think you have some kind of really cool selfless tragic indie life. Cool story, bro. You can do the whole self-centered teenage thing if you want, but don't pretend you're some kind of saintly madonna of a character who doesn't buy into the petty fads of the whores around you because you're just too damn obscure. That's what this book tries to do. It tries to make Ever out to be this sympathetic holier-than-thou Christ metaphor but in all honesty she's just an asshole.
(I also want to add that absolutely zero research was conducted into the world of psychic mediums. Psychic abilities are very specific, and you can't just lump them all under the title of "psychic". Ever can read auras and see ghosts and read thoughts and...yeah, it lost me. Reading thoughts? That's not a psychic ability. Psychics don't get their information by reading your thoughts. Telepathy is in a completely different ballpark, and it's just shit like this that proves how few fucks the author gives about authenticity and integrity in her writing. And not to mention the total lack of continuity surrounding the whole thing. Ever says she sees spirits
everywhere and they wave at her and stuff, but she isn't at all bothered by this? What about people who died in horrible accidents? What about angry spirits? What about the mere fact that supposedly, everywhere she goes she sees these dead people walking around like they're at the fucking carnival? She literally mentions it once, and then never again. The fact that she can see ghosts wandering around doesn't even factor into her daily life. How can this even be?)
Listen, because here's something this book won't teach you: you aren't better than anyone else because you've had hardship in your life. Yeah, that sounds harsh, doesn't it? But it's true. Because you can't ever know what other people have gone through or had to deal with. And even if they haven't had any hardship, so what? Everyone is deserving of happiness. People who have average, painless lives aren't less "street" than you and they don't deserve to be shit on from a great height by people who've been through the wars. If you've had pain in your life and you know how it feels to be truly unhappy, then where the hell is the logic in wanting to inflict that on some content stranger?
Needless to say, Ever doesn't get this. Does she have to scorn Haven and Miles? Does she really have to invade other people's privacy using her mediumship and then proceed to critique their character based on their private thoughts? What goes on silently in someone else's head is seriously none of your business. Does she have to be a huge brat to Sabine, who has also lost family members? Sabine is grieving too and Ever is old enough to realize this. She has lost her whole family and she has survivor's guilt, and you can't expect someone to be whole and cheery with this sort of weight on their shoulders, but Ever's not a little kid. She's not a tiny child who doesn't know what death and grief is. She's big enough to be able to empathize with other people.
Back to no means no: if your friends try to force you into a relationship with someone, or try to force you to confess to being interested in someone that you are not interested in (like Haven does to Ever) make some new ones. If someone scares you and makes you uncomfortable, get away from them. This is an actual problem that this book normalizes - women putting up with shit. Ever puts up with being badgered into acknowledging Damen constantly. This is pretty much a phenomenon within YA. In fact, it's a phenomenon within society in general. This is what we're taught: don't be a bitch, or a prude, or the angry girl. Just humor him. Smile, be a lady.
No. Fuck that. Listen - this is serious.
If you are not interested in someone, or someone is making you feel uncomfortable, you are not obligated to be polite to him. If some dude comes and sits next to you on the bus and badgers you to talk, you do not have to put up with it. You do not have to talk back. You do not have to "be a lady" and let him enjoy frightening you.
If a dude sits next to you in class and makes comments about your body, you do not have to sit there, silent and ashamed.
If a dude asks you for your number and you don't want to give it to him, you do not have to pretend to forget it, or give him a fake number to avoid an argument.
If a dude touches your body or your clothes in a way that makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to make the effort to move or pretend not to notice it.
If your dude boss calls you "crazy" you don't have to laugh it off and take it on the chin.
If your dude friend fetishizes your sexual preferences, your clothing and your body size, you don't have to try and twist it into a joke or pretend to enjoy the attention even though it makes you feel sick.
(I have experienced all of the above scenarios and more.)
Say "fuck off". Say "leave me alone". Say "I don't want to give you my number". See, this is the fucking problem with so many YA books like this one. "No" is being muddied. It's being replaced with "maybe". YA is telling young women that "no" means "try again later".
It's this whole predator/prey formula that prowls around YA like a fucking snake in the grass, etching the gender binary in stone. What's it telling young women? Be pursued. Even if you don't want to be. That's what you're there for. To be looked at, to be touched, to be courted. To be prey. And the vice versa is what it is telling young men - you're the predator. Push, shout, beat her down. She's yours to look at, to touch, to court. If she says no, don't respect that. Don't respect her at all. Just keep pushing. Eventually, you'll wear her down.
That's not consent. That's coercion. But hey! Talkin' 'bout those "blurred lines"!
And the cycle goes around and around, getting tighter and tighter, more and more ingrained in society, until we don't even know it's happening. Until we don't think twice about sitting on a bus silently and passively while some guy stares at us from across the aisle, licking his lips and make obscene gestures with his hands. Until we don't say no for fear of being the bitch who broke the binary.
I am almost done with YA, especially paranormal YA. It's just the most problematic shit. How can we all be
putting up with this? This is fucked! This whole genre is
fucked!I need a drink.
Rating: really liked it
Let's just say that after reading this book I was unable to see a tulip without having a strong urge to kick it. 🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷
Rating: really liked it
Back when I read this book, I didn't know what snark was. Now that I do... hehehehehehehe... Now that I do and now that I remember everything that bothered me about this book, I shall write snark. Yes, I shall.
Mmmm.... snark....
So let me explain what I thought I was reading with this excellent meme.
Ah, yes. How Ever utterly reminded me of Bella Swan, I cannot explain in this review. I just cannot. And how Damen reminded me of Edward Cullen, I cannot explain in this review. I JUST CANNOT. The resemblances are ridiculously striking.
Noel's hero
must be Stephenie Meyer, right? I think so, too.
The writing:Holy
crap. How did Noel
not see how absolutely dreadful her writing was? She must be stupid... or blind. Maybe a mixture of both.
- "I bit my lip hard..."
- "I pressed my lips together."
- "I bit my lip hard..."
- "I pressed my lips together."
I swear I knew more about Ever's lips than Ever herself.
I'm sorry. Such a crappy review that revealed nothing about how the book was. I know, but I honestly cannot.
Rating: really liked it
No. Just no. Absolutely not. I could NOT continue this book. The only minute thing I found interesting was that the car accident managed to knock the dog's balls off somehow. Other than that, I couldn't stand any more. No no no no no. Hell fucking shit no.
Rating: really liked it
This book warrants a full-on, GIF-ridden review. You've been warned.Let me start out by saying this:
So.....We have Ever. Yeah, EVER. Who names their kid EVER?! (There was also Honor, Haven and Stacia, but I digress.)
Anyway, who would play Ever in the movie? A light switch. Think about it. She loves him, she hates him. She loves him, she hates him. She loves him, she wants to barf at the sight of him.
So she almost died and now she has psychic powers. Which, by psychic powers, she means "being restricted to only wearing hoodies, acting like a total loon, constantly treating your friends like shit, going deaf on heavy metal, and generally being a lacking human being". How does anyone deal with her kind of crazy? Throughout the whole book, I never did get why she kept thinking psychic powers=hoodies.
Then we have Damen, with an E. Not Damon, with an O.
See, even Damon with an O thinks that's dumb. Oh, and Damen's last name is Auguste. Was somebody really trying to recreate a Salvatore brother? Hm? Got a nice Italian/Spanish sounding name and dark hair....and viola!
Now, he's an "immortal". But he drinks weird red shit (which is never fully explained and being red, sparkly and keeping him immortal I can only assume is magical unicorn blood), screws with people's heads, is insanely fast and strong, is psychic, and down-right creepy. So, I'm sorry, Noel, but you just invented the
vampire. Good for you. Idiot.
And he falls for the emotionless, creepy loner girl that is gorgeous but doesn't seem to notice, ala Edward Cullen. And thus the selfish stupidity ensues. He flirts with her, then her worst enemy, then her, then the enemy again. Then a bunch of pointless teenage drama happens. They make out. She decides she hates him because.....???? I never could follow why she hated him half the time. Because he didn't give up his phone number....???
Somebody dies. Ever worries more about Damen than the dead girl. Her best friend almost dies. She worries more about Damen than the best friend. Oh, and let's not forget she's seeing the ghost of her dead sister and kinda holding her hostage, saying things to the tune of "I can't lose you too! I know you're giving up Heaven and our parents, but STILL! I need you here! Deal!" I haven't seen this much selfishness since....uh....Twilight.
And that brings me around to the Twilight rip-off checklist:
1. vampire (oops, I mean immortal)- check
2. human love interest- check
3. mind-reading- check
4. emotionless main character- check
5. stupid red-haired bad girl bent on killed MC- check
6. strange lovey feelings near vampire (immortal. whatever)- check
7. MC hating her life and being ungrateful of everything and everyone- check
I'm sure there's more, but you get the point. If you take a shot for every similarity, you'll be dead in minutes.
I hated this book. Especially when it came down to "the power of love" saving the fucking day. Yes, we pulled a Halo and love wins the war. Damen's
wife, I repeat WIFE, is angry he's in love with someone else, (shocker!), and Ever
kills her. (Granted, Drina was a crazy bitch, but she WAS married to Damen and all.) She punches her in the chest, the heart chakra, and it
kills her because she's lacking in love (and Ever has so much?). I. Just. Stared.
Somebody thumped an immortal's breastbone and she croaked. No, there's no punchline. I didn't make it up. This shit really happened. A 600-year-old immortal (vampire. whatever.) got taken down by a whiny little teenager with a girly punch.
And what was Damen doing BOTH times Ever (the supposed love of his life) was fighting for her life against his wife? Not coming to her rescue until he was "sure" she really wanted to live. Let that sink in: he refused to come save her until she voiced, and voiced believably, that she really didn't want to DIE. Your wife is beating the shit out of the woman you love, and you don't DO ANYTHING?
The whole story made me sick. It made no effing sense. Summerland. Sparkly red drinks. Damen screwing with her memories and trying to convince her she didn't really see him bleeding her bestie on the living room rug. The power of LOVE saving the day. SMH
Ever has some pretty serious trauma to deal with, but every time someone offer her counseling, help with her powers, a shoulder to cry on, she flips the fuck out and gets defensive. Like helping her NOT be a nut is the worst idea on the planet. Like the other psychic who is trying to help her let go of her guilt is the BAD GUY. Instead, she chooses to self-medicate with vodka, drive drunk and get expelled. I wanted to smack Ever. With a fish.
Plus, the story was so easy to figure out I didn't even have to finish the damn book to know what had/would/was happening. There was no real surprise, although the acid-induced Summerland place was a bit of a weird shocker. More like a scene thought up while high than anything relevant.
To sum it up, this book made my angry. Ever was ungrateful, bitchy, emotionless. I can't figure out how Damen is in love with her (insta-love, of all things). And Damen is the Edward Cullen-wannabe, creepy, sneak-into-your-room-and-watch-you-sleep kinda stalker.
The other characters were rather pointless.
In conclusion:
What I wanted to do when I finished this stupid book:
Rating: really liked it
Having satisfied my curiosity about this popular YA series, I can safely scratch the rest of the books (and their author) off my TBR list forever.
The book starts off OK - mind-reading, auras, family drama, but very swiftly becomes just another pathetic Twilight rip-off. Same worn out story of an insecure girl falling for a mysterious/sexy/dangerous paranormal guy, same absent adults, same "love" without really knowing each other, same focus on outer beauty and expensive things, same gazing into each other's eyes, and same chaste sleeping in the same bed. Well, you know the drill.
The characters are flat, unrelatable, stupid, and acting out of character whenever it is convenient, the relationships are shallow, the style of narration is juvenile, the mythology is full of holes, the story itself is boring, unoriginal, unexciting, and full of clichés.
Pretty much, a waste of time. Putting this next to other mediocre Twilight rip-offs "Shiver" and "Hush, Hush."
Reading challenge: #1 - E.
Rating: really liked it
I absolutely loved this book. It is a bit of an easy read, but well worth it. I felt as though the author had taken some of my favorite young adult books and blended them into one solid story.
This is basically a young adult romance novel with a supernatural twist. It had some humor peppered throughout it, but it was mostly just sweet. Damen was an interesting character, but he did irritate me with the Drina situation (I won't say more because I do not want to spoil it).
I completely recommend this book to anyone who enjoys a good YA supernatural romance.
Rating: really liked it
I’m not surprised that I devoured this novel. I’m a fantasy junkie, what can I say. I’ve been pinning after this book for what seems like forever, so of course I had high standards. And honestly most of them were met, there were a few things that I would have loved to seen Noel elaborate on, but overall I was utterly and completely satisfied.
Let’s start with characterization. Ever was a solid character, I got her guilt, I understood her struggle, and her name is Ever.... could that possibly mean she lasts forever. Secondary characters were a little flat to me, I felt like Miles was a stereotypical gay male character, I would have liked to have seen him a little more three dimensional. Damen is, hot, yes... but what is his story?! I’m hoping to learn more about him in the rest of the series. He hasn’t really impressed me much yet, but that may change.
Drina as the antagonist, it think maybe my biggest complaint, the whole explanation sort of wrecked the ending for me. You’ll just have to wait and see, because I don’t want to elaborate to much on it. It’s actually one of the things I wished Noel had elaborated on a little bit more. Too far fetched maybe, or just possibly just a lack of explanation.
I loved the story itself, the plot was engaging, I really had no idea what was going on. I kept waiting for one big revelation, but really it’s just revealed piece by piece which was a welcoming change of pace. The writing was marvelous! Impressive imagery! It was customary to find myself lost within the novel.
I cannot wait to read the rest of the series! There is a sneak peak of the next cover in the back of the novel, and it looks spectacular! I only wish it was in color.
Rating: really liked it
I have heard a lot about this book- reviews ranging from "amazing" to a rip-off of Twilight, any way continuing with this tragic epic tale in which I have lost brain cells and I am warning you that what you read ahead is not for the easily offended as it does contain a lot of rage, incoherence and strong language:
Anyway, like most typical, shitty YA novels- it starts off with a boring, emo girl who is a ~
speshul snowflake (because we are severely lacking some of these in the YA genre, of course) angsting on about the curse of her powers! “Oh how horrible it is to know that my powers actually make it obvious about what people are thinking about me even though I am such a dumb bitch that I am not able to tell that if some bastard is stalking me; I should really call the police because it is classified as creepy.” And of course how she went from an amazing blonde cheerleader with the perfect boyfriend. So perfect that she was oblivious to everything around her since no-one existed except for the people that were involved in her perfect life. Until one night, her family are killed in a car crash but only she survives, saved by an unknown stranger who you already know who the fuck it is and she gains some
fucking magical powers which is useless and stupid just like everything else in this stupid book. She seems to think that her family’s death is her fault
yet she lives in a big house with a Jacuzzi, pool and the luxury life - OH HOW WOE-FUL! Also she listens to the
Sex Pistols because her taste in music is so ~fetch and she has the Goth friend called Haven and the stereotypical gay guy friend called Miles.
Oh should I also mention that her name is Ever Bloom (because she needs a unique, special name damn you! Even if it does make her seem like
Orlando Bloom’s long lost sister or maybe hint that her parents were avid gardeners).
Continuing on with this epic tale of fuckery, in Ever’s English class (
English? I thought this was a
Twilight rip-off therefore set in a
Biology class, is Noel for the first time not following a cliché?), the new boy sits next to her, obviously! How dare a fugly motherfucker sit next to Ever dearest? Meet
Damen Auguste- your typical; run of the mill boring, basic asshole who is good at everything… Apparently Damen is quite the hot shit- causing one dimensional characters and even the token gay guy and Goth “all squealing over him” because all high school students are the equivalent of pigs. Then when she stops PMSing and wangsting- Ever finally catches the sight of Damen, who apparently is so fucking good-looking that she stands there like some toad and describes him with so much thesaurus rape and purple prose that it gives me a migraine. Damen Auguste- how can I describe him? He could beat
Edward Cullen in
Mr. Gary Stu contest without batting an eyelash- apparently he was best friends with
Emily Bronte, Shakespeare & other important figures of Western culture and just when you thought he couldn’t be more of a sue than he all ready was-
HE CAN PAINT PICASSO BETTER THAN PICASSO HIMSELF!But then Ever gets all jealous and hurt because he flirts with a typical bitchy Barbie that you usually get from Southern California, because Alyson Noel bases it ALL on stereotypes, and that she isn’t the one who he gives a white rose to but a ~plain tulip. Honestly? Is she this much of an attention whore? Jealous of a guy who isn’t even her boyfriend? I cannot believe that every single fucking YA heroine needs a man in order to make themselves hold their shit together? I am seriously disgusted.
Additionally, have you noticed how I am rarely talking about the plot? Oh yeah, silly me, there is no plot:- after all the stalking, falling in love lust with each other, and a whole load of bullshit we realise that their relationship is in danger (by relationship I mean getting each other laid) because his evil, crazy ex is back from his past life is hell-bent on ruining their epic tale of luuurrvveee…
I hated the characters. Ever had no personality, merely a shell so the reader can easily fill her shoes and orgasm over the asshole that is Damen Auguste, she is a huge Mary Sue and her powers contributed nothing to the storyline and was hardly mentioned, therefore I don’t understand why Noel had to give her powers… Oh wait… Ever has to be super speshul!
Also, I completely hated the fact that every single character in this book is a walking, breathing stereotype- Haven being the typical Goth who is shallow, being such a good friend that she gets pissed off at Ever for stealing Damen, then goes off with strangers and get’s herself in a whole load of shit. I couldn’t sympathise with her at all, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out not go with people who you are not familiar with. Ever heard of stranger danger? Never mind, none of the characters has any form on intellect in this book.
Miles- again it seems apparent that Noel has never met the gay community so she bases it off stereotypes- his gay characterization was done horribly wrong, so badly done that if he met KURT Hummel- he would have been bitchslapped.
Damen Auguste- he is a complete sissy and an assholian dickhead, first of all: he is a complete cocktease with the amount of times he flirts with Ever (with all those fucking tulips- I AM LED TO BELIEVE HE HAS SOME SORT OF FLOWER FETISH) then cuts her off. He is a terrible boyfriend: lying to her, and then dumping her ass like a million times on her own (and being the dumb bitch that she is, she runs back to him) then apologizing with stupid, cheesy fucking lines that should belong in a Harlequin novel. Also, if some guy, I don’t care how good-looking (even if he does look like Ian Somerhalder)- comes into my room, reads my thoughts and keeps on telling me that we belong together- I’d get a fucking restraining order on him and get him deported.
Every other character? No personality, useless, boring etc… Hell, even the villainess was a huge yawn. The writing wasn’t anything special- I felt that Noel didn’t do much to explain, plus the mythology was terrible. Damen is not even a vampire (even though he doesn’t eat anything, but does drink some red liquid and drink her friend’s blood- how silly of Ever to come to that conclusion!) along with the re-incarnation crap.
Don’t read this book unless you desperately want migraine inducing material. I honestly felt each of my braincells dying one by one.
Rating: really liked it
I'm listening to this one. I'm about half way and getting annoyed by how clueless and self-absorbed Ever is. She has a right to be in the beginning, but the time has passed for her to "wake" up. Plus she's mean to her little sister, considering what happened to Riley, she should be A LOT nicer.
I'm willing to keep listening. The actress/reader is excellent and I'm thinking that I might not have lasted this long if I were reading the book...but that's a hard one to call :)
Ugh - I did finish and it was a struggle - between the villian's monologing and Ever's flip floping and whining, I almost called it quits a number of times. By the end I was routing for Drina (not a spoiler because...duh!). Needless to say, I won't be reading any more.
Rating: really liked it
I loved the supernatural romance between Ever and Damen. They might just be my new favorite fictional couple.
Beside Ever's supremely stubborn side, I liked her. You got a real understanding for why she is so stand offish, why she's closed herself off from the world.
Damen is a mystery. His hot and cold attitude (towards Ever) was frustrating yet, very intriguing. Wanting to put the pieces of the puzzle together is what kept me wanting more.
I loved Riley, Ever's sister. Riley is unable to move on, out of fear that her sister needs her around. As she struggles with crossing over or staying with Ever ... Ever struggles with doing the right thing and letting Riley go.
There are definite similarities to Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series but, this is it's own amazing story. This is not a Twilight clone. I'll probably upset some Edward fans but ... I'm a bigger fan of Damen.
August 2009 is the release for the second installment, Blue Moon. August can't come soon enough.
Would I recommend? Definitely yes. In fact I've already started lending my book out.
Rating: really liked it
I told myself that I honestly wasn't going to read this book after my friend, Aysha, came up to me one day just praising the book. I read about twelve pages and then gave up, I had enough of all things with the words dark and romance in it after reading Twilight. Nonetheless, I just saw this book sitting on a shelf at my local library and the prospect of making a bad review about it on Goodreads just made me happy, so here we are. There might be about one or two spoilers in the book, but don't worry it won't spoil anything. It would be better to read a review than the book.
So we're introduced to the main protagonist, Ever Bloom, who is basically a pathetic, vain, stupid twat. She was moved to a new school after her parents, sister and dog died in a car crash, now ever since this car crash she has the power to see the people's auras and know what the person's thinking with a touch. In other words she's a psychic, but they're extra features to this too. She is so 'distraught' by this she has a complete change of personality, from being insanely popular at her old school and then just hanging out with two vain, shallow and vaguely important people, Haven and Miles. I guess we're actually meant to feel sorry for her after all she's been through, but no, I haven't even got a teeny tiny bit of sympathy for her.
We are then after about 12 pages introduced to Damen. He is the worst bloody character out of the whole book. That arsehole comes up to the school as a new student and everyone and I mean everyone is practically drooling at the sight of his good looks except one effin person and I'm sure you can guess who that is. Ever decides that she's not going to look at him because she can just listen to everyone's thoughts and is basically not interested. They are forced to sit next to each other in class (To any people who have read Twilight, I wonder where she got that from xD), they accidentally touch and Ever feel so normal (wouldn't you be freaked out?) because she can't listen to his thoughts. He flirts with her and at lunch he ends up sitting at Ever and her friend's table.
After a while Ever and Damen form a 'relationship' out of god knows where-there are many parts in which our dear author here submits bits of information without us knowing, it's either that or I was too bored to notice. I also put relationship in speech marks because you cannot call it a bloody relationship. One minute we see Ever calling Damen a player and the next she's sticking her tongue down his throat. Eh? Wouldn't you be disgusted if you saw a boy that you liked being seen with another girl (even after he said he liked you) or the fact that when the two of you go out somewhere he keeps disappearing. The EXACT same thing happened to Ever but with one of Damen's hot, smoldering, sexy looks or touches Ever just melts like an ice lolly.
Yep so the rest of the book is utter bullshit which encourages things like cheating, drinking vodka at sixteen, betting and much more stuff. But what I've just told you is nothing these are the things that I hate the most in the book:
1) It's sooo convenient.Oh yuss, Immortals can see people's aura's (WTF?), they are super strong, they are super fast, Ever's reincarnation, immortal serum made long long ago and many more that I have forgotten.
2) Damen is described as the most perfect person in the universe. He can cook, clean, is handsome, can surf and many more things that I've forgotten, but how can a person be perfect, be talked about as perfect when there is no such thing as a perfect person. Even though he is 600 years old (wow and Ever is completely normal with that) he cannot possibly have mastered everything. It's just impossible. See The Doctor in Doctor Who is about 907 and something and he is far from perfect. Everyone knows that perfect people are boring.
3) Tulips and Summerland. When reaching the middleish part when Damen just starts to pull out hundreds and hundreds of tulips out of nowhere I was actually starting to think that he actually took his time to pick the tulips and rain them down on Ever, but the world would be in a massive crisis if it did. So dear Alyson Noel decides to make this rule which is basically you can conjure something from nothing. It doesn't make any sense, it's another convenient thing.
4) Alyson Noel. The writing is poor and she hardly describes things, she tells us rather than shows us. Also the fact that she's mentioned some points in her book like Ever having no backbone and Damen being perfect etc and she's done nothing to improve it is just sad.
To sum this review up I'll have to say that Ever is slightly better than Bella and Edward is slightly better than Damen, but Twilight and Evermore are just very very similar books. I advise you not to read either.
