User Reviews
Rating: really liked it
As the authors would say, “ugh.”
No really, I counted about five “ughs” in the initial skim through of the book.
This felt not only whiny and unprofessional, but also as if they were setting me up not to take it seriously. Beyond that, it was hard to.
Everyone is talking about this, so while I don’t particularly relish giving something a poor review, I just don’t want you to rush out and buy it like I did without knowing what you’re getting into.
Firstly, the research presented throughout was... thin. They deliberately conflate their subjects, on the basis of making for a better story, but this highlights their faux dialogue and made me wonder, if women really are asking these questions, why they couldn’t quote the actual subjects? Why make up a make-believe narrative?
Secondly, the conclusion is that the cause of women’s stress is... the patriarchy. I’m serious. That’s their conclusion. Ok, even if I can buy into that. That does not explain why men would have stress. If the cause of our stress is that women are expected to give “every drop of your humanity” (and for the record, this feels like a lazy characterization of the male-female dynamic they’re getting at. There is nuance here. I know no man who expects the women in his life to give “every drop” of her humanity in support of them, no matter the cost). It felt cheap and capitalizing on the very real #metoo/#resist/#shepersisted moment, agenda-driven as opposed to actually dealing with stress problem. If you wanted to write a book decrying the patriarchy, fine. Do that. Just don’t disguise it as a book on how to deal with stress.
Finally, the tl;dr: sections. Call me old-fashioned, I just don’t really want cutesy stuff in my book when you’re touting a PhD on the cover. Not to mention I’m never here for your suggestion a reader might not read your own book.
Actually, I take it back. I’m glad those were at the end of each chapter because what they did well was to actually summarize their points there. So well, in fact, you really could drive yourself to the bookstore, stand in the aisle, and read those sections and you really would get the gist of the book.
I’ll save you the time for even that and tell you their best secret for dealing with stress. Get ready; it’s groundbreaking: exercise. Not that we’ve all known for years, decades, that moving your body is great for stress. That’s their big secret.
A few of their other secrets: plan problem-solving measures for what you can control. I know. Really groundbreaking stuff here. Stay positive about the things you can’t control. Or, give up! (I’m really serious here... I’m not making any of this up.) Find a larger meaning in life (but don’t be a “giver”—that’s where your stress is coming from!). See yourself as hot. (Again, I feel compelled to tell you I’m literally not making any of this up for comedic effect.) Connect (but remember, don’t give to much). Create a “bubble of love.” Don’t feel guilty about sleeping (exercise and sleep... groundbreaking). Keep a calendar. Deal with the cause of stress.
I am so sorry I’m seeing this book everywhere. I don’t think it will be helpful to women. It’s very discussable. It’s very enraging. It will sell well and be all over Instagram. And I just don’t think it’s going to do any good for any real women experiencing real stress. Their causes are flawed; their solutions are anything but groundbreaking. A dance party to Whitney Houston in your living room won’t change your stress. This read like the worst cliche of the genre. If The Onion had written a book about women’s stress, this would have been the result.
Rating: really liked it
This is a really well-intentioned book, and I think/hope it will be helpful to a lot of people. I think the authors' advice is generally very good. However, nothing in here was particularly new to me, nor presented in a way that especially resonated. In fact, I found the sort of Tumblr-y, fandom-lite writing style--"feels"! "tl;dr"!
quoting Cassandra Clare, good god--to be a little too cutesy. Like, it was just a half-beat off rhythm from the kind of humor and #relatablecontent that
does resonate with me, and that slight offness grated more than if this had been a cold and purely academic work.
I can definitely see the audience though, and I hope it helps them, because in general terms, I think the authors are spot on about why modern women are stressed the fuck out. (Hint: it's the patriarchy, stupid.)
Rating: really liked it
Audiobook... read by the author.
When I first saw this perky pink- book - with the title
“Burnout”.... I was kidding - but not completely when I said... “Paul, I have a book for you”.
Paul looked at the title and said.... “stresses me out just looking at that book”.
I thought I would be nice and download it and see if I had any words of wisdom to pass on to my husband who is experiencing different degrees of burnout associated with his tired aching body, paperwork, and the state of our country.
Tossing out special Olympics for children- tossed my husband over the edge into depression.
So - I listen to many chapters while I was relaxing in our warm pool.
I repeat: I was ‘relaxed’ when listening to this Audiobook.
It didn’t take long until everything about this book was stressing me out. I found it completely annoying.
Much of the writing is semantics - a clever play on words and made up scenarios/ stories that we can relate to.... but do we need to have every little detail -people’s challenges- POUNDED INTO OUR HEADS? It’s exhausting.
A totally ineffective self help book.
There wasn’t an ounce of anything that wasn’t familiar.
This book wasn’t even close to offering clear effective solutions.
The big conclusion- The book isn’t about happiness… It’s about joy. The difference between the two words is that happiness are things that are happening...
Joy is a state of being...( basically our inner state of well-being).
Every chapter ‘stresses’ the stresses.
The givers of the world: teachers - nurses - mothers - all give too much.
What’s new about that?
We need connection... yes I agree -
So what? And your point is????
A very annoying stressful - draining experience. It’s a no-fun venting party of everything we all already know.
Dull and boring!!!!
I want my money back.
Paul was right... this book is guaranteed to stress you out.
It’s a health hazard.... ‘creating’ stress induced endorphins.
No way Jose! Not a fan!!!
Rating: really liked it
It might be a feminist book but the idea do work for both genders I would have given this book 5 stars, except Emily and Amelia are only talking to half the population. Yes many women have had life and choices (or lack of choices) and experienced hardship more then man over the year. Things are getting better but are not perfect yet, but as the ladies says everyone's experience is different and a whole gender should not be judged by the few or the worst examples of it.
I disagree with the premise that woman are naturally more giving it nicer then men. Let's use the body shaming example in this book, notice it was the women doing this to other woman. This happens a lot to boys straight from primary school, I have 3 boys and every day atleast one of them have come back to tell me a mean thing the girls said to them about their appearance or even background.
The shame of all this gender biased book is if that was taken out I would agree with 90% of the research and ideas in this book. The practical ideas would work just as well for either gender. However I think many men might be put off reading it after the introduction. I would qote Bruce Lee and say
"Take what is useful, and disregard what is not"
The reason being many of the ideas are very effective.
This is a great book of busting through the silent killer that is stress, if it was not so gender biased I would have no problem giving it 5 stars. I would say if you are going to put a book out to just half the population put it in the title before people buy the book.
Rating: really liked it
I was left feeling a bit confused after finishing this book. The title implies the book is about burn-out and how to solve your stress etc, but in reality the book was only about burnout and how to actaully handle stress for 10%, while the other 90% was filled with feministic chatter about how the patriarchy has caused your burnout or stress if you are a female-identifying person.
In my opinion there is absolutely nothing wrong with books about feminism, the patriarchy and how they may or may not affect stress and burnout in women, but if I pick up a book that’s called “Burnout: the secret to unlocking the stress cycle”, I don’t want to read about the patriarchy. I want to read about stress, and burnout, and maybe a small chapter about how the patriarchy may affect those things in women, but not 90% of the book devoted to that subject.
Nevertheless, the book was relatively enjoyable and easy to read, and I enjoyed the short TLDR sections at the end of every chapter to give a quick summary of everything that was discussed in the book.
Rating: really liked it
This book is filled with so much information, and I’ve been obsessively recommending it and quoting it to just about every woman I know. It’s got so much good and general information about the stress cycle, and how to deal with it. (And anxiety, and burnout, and loneliness, and and and.) A lot of the information applies to all humans, but this book addresses the unique stress related to being a female-type person. None of that stress will be surprising to women, but this is the first time I can think of that I’ve gotten good advice about what to do about it. Good, science-based advice that doesn’t involve just taking a bubble bath, taking a deep breath, and plunging back into the fray.
In this intensely depressing moment of history, with Trump and Kavanaugh and Weinstein (and and and) this book made me feel a little hopeful. I’ll need to revisit it regularly, because it involves a lot of elements, but it rang true. I hope the women I know and love will read it. It’s so worth the time.
Thanks to the publisher for providing me with an advance copy!
Rating: really liked it
Someday I will look back on this time in my life and point to this book as when it all changed. Yes. It’s that good. I'm a huge fan of Emily Nagoski's Come As You Are. In it, she briefly explored unlocking the stress cycle and it gave me so much to think about. A whole book co-written with her sister dedicated to the topic? Music to my ears and boy, did it deliver.
The introduction and first chapter blew my mind, right from the get-go and it only got better from there. There are so many takeaways that I don’t even know where to start. The beauty of this book is the way the Nagoskis lay out their insights. The chapters build on each other in a way that allows you to digest the information but also figure out how to incorporate it in to your life.
I wish this book had existed 15 years ago! I don’t know if I’d still be a social worker but I would have managed my career differently. This book helped me see how it didn’t matter how airtight my self-care practices were and why burnout happened anyway. It also showed me why I’ve been exhausted the last few years, even though I have more margin than ever—I did not know to label my current experience as burnout but it makes so much sense. I have not done a good job of completing the stress cycle and now I have more ideas and tools on how to do that.
I also appreciate the way they name and call out the patriarchy. It’s a huge layer of what women experience and I hadn’t thought about the specific and pernicious ways it impacts burnout and my sense of well-being. Yes, I can point to the ways the patriarchy has negatively impacted my life and the complicated emotions I carry or are dragged up by the news. But since this is how it’s always been, even if the #metoo movement is starting to bring about some changes, I never thought about the year after year toll. It was so helpful and validating to read those sections and be reminded that it’s not okay.
One chapter I want to mention is The Bikini Industrial Complex, which taught me that the Body Mass Index (BMI) is complete junk. It was created by a panel of nine people, seven of whom were employed by weight loss clinics. WEIGHT LOSS CLINICS. This was infuriating to read about. I haven’t stopped railing against the lobbyists who sold us out and and every doctor who took junk science at face value and used it against their patients. Screw them all.
Clearly the book made me angry in places—stupid patriarchy. But it was also extremely moving and engaging. I laughed and I cried. Burnout was not just a game-changer. It was life-altering. Every person who identifies as a woman would benefit from reading it. I’m so grateful to Emily and Amelia for writing it.
Rating: really liked it
I'm in the minority here, but Burnout was just okay. The writing style made it hard for me to take the information seriously, or to even understand the information at all. Things like writing "(ugh)" every time they talked about the patriarchy or using cutesy, made-up words because the real science is just too hard to understand made me feel condescended to and a little rage-y. For two authors who are all about feminism, they underestimate the intelligence of their audience by a lot! That kind of junk would never be in a book marketed to men.
For that matter, it annoyed me that burnout and the stress cycle were presented as uniquely female problems. Many of the scenarios they presented about how burnout manifests resonated way more with my husband than they did with me. In the end, I didn't learn anything groundbreaking and I wondered on more than one occasion if I would have preferred this book if it had been written by a man, in a more straight-shooter style that doesn't dumb down the facts. Ironic.
Rating: really liked it
Emily and Amelia Nagoski are talented enough in their chosen fields but they missed their calling as professional audiobook narrators. They pack a lot of info and wisdom into their "Burnout" book but, very importantly, they are *really* fun to listen to.
This book is basically for any and every woman making their way through life and shoveling the shit that comes with it. I wouldn't say I'm burnt out but stressed? Hell, yes. This, along with Emily Nagoski's "Come As You Are" should be required reading. The world would be a happier place.
For those looking for a no nonsense, shoot from the hip self-help book specifically aimed at women and the extra challenges we face you've found it. The Nagoskis tackle topics such as stress and how to process it, body awareness and acceptance, gender discrimination, racial discrimination, finding meaning in life, and overall making you a better you. It's inclusive (they acknowledge the gender spectrum and transwomen), real, empowering, and they bring the science and studies to back it up.
On a side note, the other day I picked up a self-help book that happened to be written by a man. By chapter two I was like, "Nope. Done reading." The book, not meaning to, came from the viewpoint of a male privileged status and I just couldn't deal with another, "the world is so hard and here's how you win" because the guy was already 3/4 the way up the mountain. In contrast, this book was singing to me on high and was a refreshing oasis from all that blather.
Do yourself a favor and listen to these ladies. Your self will thank you.
Rating: really liked it
THIS BOOK IS SO GOOD. EVERYBODY SHOULD READ IT. YES I AM ALL-CAPS YELLING.
Rating: really liked it
The only reason I picked up this book is because I went to the bookstore to pick up a different book by the same author called Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life (a truly outstanding, mind-blowing exploration of female sexuality and the female orgasm. #yesplease). While I was there, though, I saw that Emily Nagoski (and her twin sister, Amelia) just released a new book called
Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. Whaaaat?! A book on how to calm the eff down? Sold!
I read
Burnout in two days, and holy smokes wow, what a game changer. Probably the most important thing I learned about was completing the stress cycle—how even if you eliminate your stress trigger (e.g., your kids aren’t yelling at you anymore because you are letting them watch a movie), you still have to deal with the stress that’s floating around in your body. It literally, physically needs someplace to go. You have to workout, cry, laugh, breathe deeply, or create. Whatever it is, that pent up energy has to move through and OUT of you for you to actually feel calm again. And if you don’t allow yourself to complete the stress cycle, you basically just walk around all day every day with that constant frantic hum of electricity buzzing through your body. We’ve all been there, and it’s maddening.
Though the advice above is applicable to both women AND men, be warned that the Nagoski twins spend a lot of time talking about “The Patriarchy (ugh)." They argue (and use scientific studies to prove) that women have been conditioned to ignore cues from their bodies; push themselves too hard to serve everyone but themselves; hate themselves for not being docile, emotion-less helpmates; and then accept blame when the world tells them they’re crazy for not being able to meet every impossible demand made of them. This section is hard-hitting but incredibly freeing, I’ve got to say. Men might have a different take on it, though…
The last and most practical section is all about how to change this stress mess we’re now in. I won’t mention all of their suggestions, but some of my favorites are:
*** Sleep 8 to 9 hours at night AND make time to rest during the day.
*** Connect with people who get you. (The small section here on gaslighting was so eye-opening for me.)
*** Acknowledge and accept the “madwoman in the attic” who constantly tells you that you aren’t measuring up. Find a way to become her friend.
*** Show yourself some compassion, even when (especially when) the healing hurts.
In short, I loved
Burnout. It was the perfect book to read at this particular moment in my life—a breath of fresh air that helped me, well, breathe. I’m recommending it to every woman I know (and even a couple men…).
Rating: really liked it
The first chapter of this book is amazing at giving you all the tools you need to break out of burn out and stop it before it even starts. The rest is rather basic heteronormative feminism disguised as self-help with a corny writing style that tries to be hip and fun but makes it hard to take the Nagoskis seriously.
Rating: really liked it
Telling me to exercise and practice gratitude to fight my soul crippling burnout is not exactly groundbreaking. Also, too many Disney references.
Rating: really liked it
This book is such a disappointment. Buckets of crazy feminist bs in it. This sucks as a help book.
It started out pretty good but turned into an annoying tirade about patriarchy and an obesity glorifying mantra.
I was stressed out just reading it. The messages are a copy&paste from girls magazines: find joy, not happinness, connection and passion are key, etc. etc. The villain is the patriarchy only, and being overweight is awesome, because we are all such special snowflakes. I hear you, dear author. None should be discriminated because of their appearance. But why, not once do you mention the medical issues overweight entails. I wonder why, dear overweight author.
This particular part of the book annoyed me to no end, because Nagoski does not talk about the real issue at hand, that being the fact that most societies discriminate people because of their appearance and maybe try to see the reasons for that. The Nagoski sisters just are just stuck at the point hammering into your head that you're awesome, no matter how unhealthy your lifestyle may be to your own body. It feels like this book is their message board to all those who bullied them because of their weight. Well, that's not what I was paying for.
#The world changes! The nonsense of discrimination towards women is NOT status quo anymore everywhere. I just need to ask about the gender quote in an interview for a new job, and the male interviewer starts sweating immediately. We get pampered just because of our sex. That is not equality.
There's nothing eye-opening in this book. None of the promised helpful advice. Not a recommendation from me.
Rating: really liked it
I'm too old for this.
