Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs? And other Questions about Dead Bodies

Paul Bryant

Rating: really liked it
Update :

Greatly disturbed by this question, I had a talk with my cats today. I said look, it's about my eyeballs.

They said - Oh, so you know about the eyeball thing. Who told you?

I said It's in this book. Everyone knows now.

They said This is gonna be bad for cats.

I said Look, I like you, I'm a fair person, I want to make a deal. If I predecease you, you can have the eyeballs, I'll bequeath them. But no eating them off my head. They'll be removed by a proper eye doctor in a dignified manner, okay? Plus - if you predecease me, I get your fur for gloves.

They conferred for a while and then we shook on it. I feel a lot better now.

*****************



This is a question I have never asked myself before. So now I need this book to find out the answer.

But wait - I have two cats. If I keel over and expire on the spot one day at home, will they take one eyeball each? Or, as usually happens when I dish up food at the same time, will Hatter scoff his eyeball really quick and then shoulder Miranda out of the way as she is nibbling delicately on her eyeball? And I will not be there to tell him off for his unseemly manners. Well, I will be there, of course, but I won't be functional. Except as lunch.

So - when they look at me, as they often do, are they just eyeing up the eyeballs? Is that all I am to them? So many questions.

Emily (Books with Emily Fox)

Rating: really liked it
Interesting non-fiction that answers questions from kids all about death.

The author narrates the audiobook which was nice but I didn't know it was for kids... my bad!

Petra X

Rating: really liked it
Instapot Corpse Disposal: Recipe for cooking a corpse
An alternative to cremation (not a tasty dish for cannibals).
First, put the body into a very large instapot (euphemistically called a 'pressurised stainless steel cremation chamber'. cover with water and alkali. Heat to 350°F and raise the pressure. 'Cook' for 4 to 6 hours. Finish by draining off the greenish-brownish liquid of amino acids, peptides, sugars and salts, (don't drink this soup, it's not edible and not because it has too much sugar and salt) what you have left are soft bones ready for hand-crushing.

This is a more refined method than one of the traditional ways murderers attempt to cover up their crime - put the body in a barrel with a lot of lye.

I'm still going for burial at sea.

The book is based on questions guaranteed to have been genuinely put by children. Not little kindergarteners though, more like teenagers who (like us) read books and think up sensible questions. It's very readable, very short, very informative and very enjoyable. Four 'verys', four stars.

Mario the lone bookwolf

Rating: really liked it
Death. The grim reaper. The big nothing. The great leveler. And so on, or no, precisely not, or still? Puh, getting philosophical in here, so put out all your thoughts...

Come, little kitty cat, tasty eyeballs are served. No matter if it is a dog, cat, weasel, reptile (I am not sure regarding their eating behavior), if time and hunger are combined and carrion acceptable for the animal, well... At least one lives on in his pet, except it gets a food poisoning from rotten flesh which would be an unfunny, black comedy trope, but owner and pet would be at least united in death. Who thinks this is already too heavy probably shouldn´t read this book.

I like horror, humor and science and this book has everything in it. The wit often comes just from the constellations of topics, from questions an adult wouldn´t dare to ask. So the philosophy that is still in kids and gets lost more and more with the ages, jumps from each side because the questions may seem trivial, but have hidden depths. And children aren´t as constrained, onesided, indoctrinated and socially normed as adults so that they still have an open and healthy attitude towards the topic.

Out of the context of this book, but it would make an interesting question for the author: In space flight, the question of how to deal with the deceased, if there are still any, will be a topic too. All the ingredients might be too precious to waste them and many of the extraction procedures to get as much out of it as possible might not work well without gravity or lesser gravity than on earth, may take to long, be too energy expensive or just not economic.

The book is a great example of how the knowledge of an expert can be broken down to interesting, short, funny, intelligent and catchy pieces and how much death can show the living how do be thankful for each day, enjoy each moment, be kind to each other, yada yada yada, boring! Carpe diemality.

The endeavor and motivation of the author to talk about death openly is very important because it weakens faith and makes people realize how short and fragile life is and to probably awaken more awareness and mindfulness. As already said, kids are the perfect breeding ground for healthy, normal thinking and talking about death and in this case, the old saying "Give them to us when they are still young and they belong us forever" gets a positive connotation. Instead of NIMBY https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NIMBY, they ask why not the whole family is buried there.

Instead, death has become a taboo, especially in Western society, where it is avoided to speak about it or to change something about how society has been instrumentalized and normed in any way around a topic that anyone should be interested in, because, you know...

A wiki walk can be as refreshing to the mind as a walk through nature in this completely overrated real-life outside books:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Funeral
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burial
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mortuar...

Rebecca

Rating: really liked it
“When I die, will my cat eat my eyeballs?”

Best selling author and mortician Caitlin Doughty answers real questions from children about death, dead bodies, and decomposition.

This was lots of fun to read! The author has a way of making you a little less fearful of death with her humor, explanations, and positive outlook. The book contains questions from children such as: When I die, will my cat eat my eyeballs? Can I keep my parents' skulls after they die? Can we give Grandma a Viking Funeral? Why do we turn funny colours when we die? Why don't animals dig up graves? If I died making a stupid face, would it be stuck like that forever? What would happen if you died on a plane? Can someone donate blood after they die? and lots more!

Caitlin Doughty's engaging and hilarious writing removes the stigma often associated with death, inviting us to think about the unavoidable end of life we will all have to face one day. Each chapter thoroughly answers the questions we're all dying to know with fascinating responses. I also really enjoyed the artwork by Dianné Ruz at the beginning of every chapter.

I highly recommend.

Jenna ❤ ❀ ❤

Rating: really liked it


Those who have read Caitlin Doughty's previous books know her talent for taking the usually bleak and depressing subject of death and turning it into something entertaining.   A bit on the gross side perhaps, but entertaining nonetheless. 

In Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs?, Ms. Doughty answers several questions about death, dying, and dead bodies asked of her by children.  They are things that many of you may have wondered too, at least when you were children and before you learned that death is a taboo subject and also something to be avoided at all costs.  And yet, it cannot be avoided.  At any cost.  Unless you know something every single one of your fellow human beings don't know, you are going to eventually end up ashes or worm food or pumped full of embalming fluid.  You are not going to get to enjoy your precious body for all eternity, it just doesn't work like that.  No matter who you are or how rich you might be, no amount of money will buy you eternal life.  Perhaps at some point in the future scientists will figure out how to upload our memories into machines and thus grant us immortality, but as of now, sorry, no can do.  You're gonna croak.

I'm sorry to be the bearer of such bad news, but really, it's always better to face the facts.  So now that you know the truth of your limited existence, you might be wondering what exactly will happen to your body when it's no longer living and breathing and eating and shitting.  Some questions you might have that Ms. Doughty thoughtfully answers are:

•Why do we turn colours when we die?

•Will my hair and nails keep growing in the coffin?

•If I die making a funny face, will it be stuck like that forever?

•What will I smell like and how long until I start stinking?

•Can I have my body preserved in amber like a prehistoric insect?

•What would happen if I swallow a bag of popcorn before I die and am cremated?  



And of course, the eponymous question that we're all wondering:

•Will my cat indeed eat my eyeballs???  

The answer is, he might.  (It's not a spoiler because it's answered in the first chapter.)  In case you're thinking it would then be better to adopt a dog rather than take the chance this adorable kitten might grow up to be an eye-munching connoisseur of human flesh.... better think again because that adorable puppy is gonna do the same if left alone without food for too long.  Sorry folks, but they gotta eat.  If you don't want to become pet food, please arrange to have someone find your body soon after you die -- or always leave out a lifetime supply of food for your furry babies.   However, if you do want to become pet food, well.....  I think it would be kinder to find someone willing to break the law who will dump your body at sea rather than have your beloved pet locked up with your decomposing body and little else. 

Please don't do that to Fluffy or Fido. 

  


(Note: For the answers to the rest of the questions and more, you'll need to pick up this fun, funny, and interesting book for yourself. You won't be disappointed!

Larry

Rating: really liked it
Can learning about death be fun? Yes! Becoming a huge fan of this author, like her YouTube channel as well.

Iben Frederiksen

Rating: really liked it
“He won’t be diving straight for the human flesh. But a cat has got to eat, and you are the person who feeds him. This is the cat-human compact. Death doesn’t free you from performing your contractual obligations.”

Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs? - Big Questions From Tiny Mortals About Death, written by mortician Caitlin Doughty, is the book to answer all those questions about death you've been too embarressed to ask.

In a Q & A format, Doughty answers questions about death she's been asked again and again by children, and both the questions and answers are hilarious! I mean, death in general is of course not very funny, but Doughty is witty and uses both humor as well as scientific facts to answer the burning questions we all have, like 'What would happen if you swallowed a bag of popcorn before you died and were cremated?' and 'Can I keep my parents' skulls after they die?'.

As a future corpse, this book made me feel just slightly better about my own inevitable end - and even if it doesn't do that for you, I'm sure it will make your future corpse laugh out loud.

Melki

Rating: really liked it
Yay! This was yet another enjoyable go-round with my favorite mortician!

Here Doughty dumbs it down a bit with a younger audience in mind, but not so dumb that adults can't get something out of her lessons too. Here are snappy answers to not-so-stupid questions, like Can We Give Grandma a Viking Funeral?, What If They Make a Mistake and Bury Me When I'm Just in a Coma?, and If I Died Making a Stupid Face, Would It Be Stuck Like That Forever?. She also tackles a few questions that I found rather disturbing, like Can I Keep My Parents' Skulls? Really? Other than my kid, what sort of a child thinks about that? Caitlin also lays waste to this internet meme:



Now you know - don't try this at home, kids!

Aside from the giggles I got from reading this book, there was the fun of seeing the looks on my coworkers' faces when they walked into the breakroom, and saw me reading this while shoving leftover Pad Thai into my mouth.

Lori

Rating: really liked it
Caitlin, you're a national treasure, you're a great time, and you teach me and everyone who wants to know so much Stuff about being dead. I was late to the party that is "Smoke Gets In Your Eyes: And Other Lessons From the Crematory" and loved it so
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...?
I pre-ordered this one, but thank goodness I didn't read it right away because when I couldn't concentrate on much at all, Caitlin saved me. I wish I had her as a resource when I was a tiny mortal. I love how she addresses them with her signature straightforward honesty and humor, and never talks down to them. The questions are very good and I don't doubt young minds honed on Harry Potter can handle them and indeed have pondered them.

There will be a few spoilers here but fact is the joys of this book are not only in the answers but in her explanations. The woman is a trained, licensed mortician who owns her own mortuary, has a degree in writing, could be a stand-up comedian and has a marvelous vlog which has taught me so much, lately about covid, bodies and burials -- and always revelations, my favorite being the one about Victorian death photos (in which I take an interest). Did I mention she started a worldwide charity, The Order of the Good Death, dedicated to making death and death practices more natural, ripping off the shroud of secrecy many morticians maintain and giving people greater control over their own corpses.

So, a taste of a great book about death and in case you're dying to know, cannibalism does come up. These are excerpts from her answers and as with every question in this book, the full answers are pages long and fact-and-fun filled with cool illustrations.

CAN WE GIVE GRANDMA A VIKING FUNERAL?

"Alas, fake fake fakety fake...Who knows how the rumors got started? The Vikings had elaborate cremations! They had boats! They just didn't have cremation boats!"

CAN I KEEP MY PARENTS' SKULLS AFTER THEY DIE?

"Tell you what's not going to work: marching on over to your local funeral home and saying 'Greetings! That's my mom's corpse over there. Could you just pop off her head and deflesh her skull? That would be great. Thanks!'"

WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO AN ASTRONAUT BODY IN SPACE?

Well, that's complicated and depends on a lot of factors but I love her writing and this footnote, um, slayed me:

"In 2005, NASA collaborated with a small Swedish company called Promesa on a design prototype for a system that would process and contain space corpses. The prototype was called the Body Back ('I'm bringing body back, returning corpses but they're not intact').*

*Kids, this is a Justin Timberlake reference, you're fine not knowing who that is."

CAN EVERYBODY FIT IN A CASKET? WHAT IF THEY'RE REALLY TALL?

"Listen, sometimes people just don't fit inside a casket. And funeral directors have to do something about it. It's our job. The family is counting on us. If we are left with no other options, we will have to amputate their legs below the knees to make them fit.
"No! What the heck? We don't do that. Why does everyone think that's what funeral homes do to tall people?"

There can't be another human on earth who can load a body in The Cremulator with great respect and care, write genuinely informative and laugh-out-loud books about death, and vlog about such delightful (for me anyway) and at times scandalous subjects, all with compassion, humor and charm, and make them seem not at all morbid.

Wonderful book! As for your cat, not going to spoil it because I was asked not to. So I'll just say, cat lover that I am, I'd much rather picture my cat dining on my dead ____s than think about what your dog might do to you.

karen

Rating: really liked it
fulfilling my 2020 goal to read (at least) one book each month that i bought in hardcover and put off reading long enough that it is now in paperback.

review to come!!

Tucker (TuckerTheReader)

Rating: really liked it
[12/10/19] - Congratulations, Caitlin Doughty, on winning the 2019 Goodreads Choice Award for Science & Nonfiction!

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after giving it much thought, i think that yes... cats would eat eyeballs.

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i love this title. it makes me laugh

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Johann (jobis89)

Rating: really liked it
“Sometimes death can be violent, sudden, and unbearably sad. But it’s also reality, and reality doesn’t change just because you don’t like it.”

Presenting my first five-star non-fiction read of 2021! If you’ve ever wondered what would happen to an astronaut if they died in space, whether or not you can keep the skull of a loved one, why does the human body undergo all those wonderful colour changes after death, and most importantly… will your cat (or dog) eat your eyeballs when you die? Spoiler alert: if they are hungry enough, they just might!

I’m a little bit obsessed with the Spooky Queen of Death, Caitlin Doughty. I love that she is trying to change our attitudes towards and make us all less fearful of the great leveller, DEATH. The more you know about something, the less likely you are to be scared of it. Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs? is technically targeted towards children or young adults, although I didn’t get that impression while reading. I found it to be incredibly informative, enlightening and funny. It’s the kind of book you read and can’t wait to share these tidbits of information with those around you. DID YOU KNOW.... and so forth.

Particular highlights for me were reading about the man who was almost buried alive - if it wasn’t for the pallbearers slipping on wet leaves and dropping the coffin, causing him to awaken and ask to be let out. I was positively engrossed learning about the “waiting mortuaries” in Germany that were employed years ago, where bodies were left to hang out in a heated room to check that they were definitely 100% dead, with an attendant who oversaw this room looking out for movement. Fascinating. Let’s not forget the other tests that they used to perform in ye olden days to confirm death – shoving needles under toenails… and actually CUTTING OFF FINGERS!!

Weirdly this has turned more into an account of the cool shit I learnt instead of a review. So I’ll wrap it up by saying that this book was amazing and hilarious, the illustrations were fantastic and I highly recommend it! (One last fact – did you know that the average male offers roughly 125,822 calories from protein and fat?!)

5 stars.

Tina

Rating: really liked it
This is a non-fiction book about death, corpses, and funeral practices. I never read any of Caitlin Doughty books, but I hear her books are a short fun read. I have to agree this book was a short fun read. I found the information funny and nice to know. I did not find this book boring like I do with some non-fiction books. I think this author cover this hard to talk about topic so well, and she kept the science in it.

Danielle

Rating: really liked it
I don’t really know how or why this ended up on my TBR list. But it was, so I read it. 😑 I can honestly say, I learned some things about body decomposition. So, there’s that. 🤷🏼‍♀️