Untamed

Elyse Walters

Rating: really liked it
Audiobook... read by Glennon Doyle

My thoughts and feelings changed ‘several’ times - from positive to negative - back to positive- back to negative!!!
By the end.... I was just glad to be DONE!

If this book was ‘clearly’ a memoir... I wouldn’t have felt annoyed.

I often didn’t buy her strategies in achieving emotional balance—-because ‘she’ lacked balance in important areas of life: true empathy for others.

Glennon will ALWAYS put her needs and desires ‘before’ others. She demonstrated several times how she swung that pendulum from being a person who didn’t know how to please herself to no longer pleasing anyone.

Glennon’s selfish tone towards others was brutal - rather than unflinching honest. She was down right mean, righteous at times.
I began to wonder if Glennon had respect for ‘anyone’ other than herself. Does she realize that many women know who they are? We don’t all judge our value ourselves by the size of thighs?

‘Part’ of being a whole contributing human being is sometimes putting other people’s needs first ( at cause), before our own.
Glennon is not there yet....
she still needs to ‘prove’ that she’s her own woman goddamnit!! Power to Glennon!

This review would make ZERO DIFFERENCE to Glennon.
She said herself, she doesn’t give a rats ass about my opinion - or what I think of her, anyway.
So how do people contribute ‘back’ to her? Where is her opening to ‘hearing’ that there might be a reason some of us readers ‘might’ (the Glennon sin?), feel she has a few things to still learn about the balance between being who we are - without verbally purging righteousness onto others.

Glennon clearly’ states she only cares about herself - over and over and over again.
Yes... this is a happy world with Glennon’s savvy wisdom.
She transferred one disorder… (over-eating, purging, over drinking, trouble with the law,), to a self serving shaming-others for not being like ‘her’.

PARTS WERE GOOD - in the beginning - until she chewed the human race to threads!

Her self righteous me me me - ME FIRST - no-pleasing others rule became annoying. I lost total respect!!!

I appreciated a few chapters in this book...
I liked her ‘own’ discovery about parenting - and where she went south in giving her son the message that his life (studying for school, tests the next day, etc.), were more important than his responsibility as a contributing member to the family.
After Glendon’s realization- that she was raising a self- centered - self serving kid- she made corrections.
She began to demand his respect and contributions to the family.
Now her kid did the dishes after dinner -(she made the meal after all).
Glennon’s ‘a-ha’ moments of parenting ‘discoveries’ ....
that raising a privileged son wasn’t doing him any long term service, was admirable.
I had much respect for Glennon’s ‘moral’ discovery—
I wished I had made that discovery myself when I was raising our daughters, myself.
I ‘allowed’ our daughters to do their homework ( skip dishes) because why? because their life wellness out in ‘their’ world was more important than them ‘contributing’ to ‘our’ family.
I did the fricken dishes -
I made the meals -
I did the cleaning -
Paul supported our family financially.
Hell - I made their lunches - drove them to their many activities every single day - ( private independent schools, music lessons, sports, dance, theater, Hebrew school, etc) I was their slave and I was wrong!!! I never taught them to sincerely value and respect Paul and I.
Guess what? Both daughters are successful in the world and independent - but only one of them respects Paul and I fully and expresses it.
So... I felt that Glendon did have some very valuable insights into the role of parenting.
But...
I never got the impression that she respected her own
parents.
She patted herself on the back about how great she was.


So... I thought Glennon shared some useful tips about parenting from morality rather than kids accomplishments in the outside world.

However, every time Glennon moved away from ‘sharing’ her experiences -
and started preaching her views -
I lost total respect for her.

Glennon is ‘not’ a talented compassionate INSPIRATIONAL or SPIRITUAL leader...
Her lack of empathy and appropriate speaking skills fell apart.

I spent a couple of days trying to figure out what it was that she did that DROVE ME NUTS....
She was self serving and annoying in her ME FIRST Philosophy.
Too much swinging-that pendulum with her good girl/ bad girl themes.

...Glennon is a recovered alcoholic-
...A recovered bulimic-
...A girl who had destroyed all her relationships at one time as well.
I’m happy Glennon found her own voice - and did some repair work - learned to look inward at her own needs and desires - rather than self harm herself.
BUT...
I was incredibly embarrassed by many things she said - and the tone in which she said them. Even her words about being a feminist were cringe-shaking off the wall.
RIGHTEOUS is as RIGHTEOUS is!!! ( yuck)

It was her ASSUMPTION that most woman were just like
her -
Only focusing on makeup-clothes- getting others to love ‘us’...
Glennon Doyle crossed the line into PUSHING HER RIGHTEOUSNESS on others.

One minute she talked about nurturing relationships and the next minute she slammed any person who called her on the telephone or sent her a text message for the gall of interrupting her life.

My God then she compared the last presidential race to the apocalypse. What the hell?

I think this is the last book I ever plan to read by Glennon Doyle.
She’s not Eckhart Tolle, Brené Brown, Lama Surya Das, or Don Miguel Ruiz....

This is a MEMOIR — that bordered closely to PREACHING!

Glennon Doyle is a woman who took many years to find her own voice.... years of healing from self harm - harming others as well.
She still has a few loose marbles about the totality of humanity.....
I don’t want to live inside her ‘ME FIRST’ bubble.
There are many shades of gray. Life is not all black or white - as Glennon would have us to believe.
She was down right mean to people who asked her questions.

Glennon Doyle is not a person I trust to teach me HOW TO BE A POWERFUL WOMEN!

2.5 stars - rating down.

Val ⚓️ Shameless Handmaiden ⚓️

Rating: really liked it
Elitist Drivel

For those looking for an old school rant review, today is your lucky day.

I have so many thoughts and words floating through my head right now that I am struggling to formulate a review - which almost never happens.



In fact, speaking of "struggle..."

This book was a struggle to get through. And I have a feeling it matches the struggle of being Glennon Doyle and living inside Glennon's Doyle's head - ALL of which is created and meticulously curated by Glennon Doyle.

Seriously though, she is the driver of her own self-mechanized Struggle Bus, yet acts like she has overcome monumental life suffering derived from forces outside her own damn self.



But I will come back to that.

First, I want to say (before I forget to do so) that I was really looking forward to reading this. The blurb sounded awesome. A former Christian mommy-blogger who reinvents herself upon meeting and falling in love with a woman? Sign me up.

Key word there, though: INVENTS. Because hardly anything about this book felt authentic.

In fact, this book felt like nothing more than an elitist American white woman (who has never truly suffered from anything more than low self-esteem) attempting to prove how "woke" she is because, hey, she's a lesbian now, yo, and just rocking life so much better than you.

For the first 50 pages, she had me totally on board and I was enjoying her story and her message.

But then the completely self-righteous (and yet wholly indeterminate) lecturing about every buzz-word topic on the planet started. Motherhood? Racism? Feminism? Toxic masculinity? The dangers of technology and its effects on mindfulness?

Step aside, peons, because Glennon Doyle has this shit ALL figured out. And she will tell you all about it. Because she gets it more than you.

The fact that she - a grown ass middle/upper class married American woman with three children - didn't even know how to buy her own plane ticket? Irrelevant. She still adults SO much better than you. Because she trusts her "knowing." And because I do what I want, losers.



And don't get even get me started on how much she contradicts herself and makes her complete hypocrisy blatantly obvious whilst still lecturing us all on how we should be doing things.

In one chapter, she talks about how she was a "good parent" to her first daughter, but then "got tired....[and] by the time [her third child] exited the birth canal, [she] just handed her an iPad and wished the child godspeed on her journey."

She talks about how this made her third child SO #independent and confident in who she is...and then turns around and talks about how she decided to take her son's cell phone away because it was stifling his "creativity" and causing him to withdraw from life. She, of course, includes the whole conversation she later had with her son (her firstborn) about taking away said cell phone...a conversation in which she, of course, sounds like a mage-mother with woke mom skills. Because, you know, #stillbetterthanyou.

And while on the topic of phones...she later discusses how her friend Erika called her cell phone. Poor Erika.

"Recently, my friend Erika called my cell phone. I will never understand why people insist upon calling my cell phone. It's such an aggressive action to take: calling someone. Each time my phone rings, I have a heart attack like my pocket's on fire and a tiny siren is going off."

Wow.



I have no words. That quote basically encompasses so much about this woman. She is so sensitive, she is "damaged" by her friend calling her, you know, to be a FRIEND. And she prefers texts, but doesn't answer them, because (again) I do what I want and refuse to be a part of your damned patriarchy. But here is your iPad, sweetie.

She is also so damned sensitive and "empathetic" that she RECENTLY became so tired, hungry, and concerned while watching Survivorman on TV that her wife had to remind her that, don't worry, he would be okay. Because TELEVISION. And PRODUCTION TEAM.

And I am supposed to give a fuck what this woman thinks about real world issues?



Nope.

I would continue to include more contradictory quotes and stories - of which there are MANY. But I just can't be bothered to think or talk about this woman and her book one second longer. In fact, the minute I finish this review, both this book and my thoughts about it are headed for the bin.

Because I can do what I want too.

Cindy

Rating: really liked it
I totally get why people would find this book cheesy but as someone who also realized she’s queer pretty late in life, I really enjoyed reading about her revelations and decision to prioritize her feelings and self-actualization. So maybe I just read this at the right time :)

These quotes particularly resonated with me:

"I did not know, before that woman told me, that all feelings were for feeling. I did not know that I was supposed to feel everything. I thought I was supposed to feel happy. I thought that happy was for feeling and that pain was for fixing and numbing and deflecting and hiding and ignoring. I thought that when life got hard, it was because I had gone wrong somewhere. I thought that pain was weakness and that I was supposed to suck it up. But the thing was that the more I sucked it up, the more food and booze I had to suck down."

"First: I can feel everything and survive. What I thought would kill me, didn't. Every time I said to myself: I can't take this anymore--I was wrong. The truth was that I could and did take it all--and I kept surviving. Surviving again and again made me less afraid of myself, of other people of life. I learned that I'd never be free from pain but I could be free from the fear of pain, and that was enough. I finally stopped avoiding fires long enough to let myself burn, and what I learned was that I am like that burning bush: The fire of pain won't consume me. I can burn and burn alive. I can live on fire. I am fireproof. Second: I can use pain to become."

Why I’m not rating this book 5 stars is because I didn’t feel as engaged in the second half. While I really loved the way she opened up in the first half about her experience falling in love with a woman and realizing she’s queer, the second half lacked a narrative thread and fell into a pattern of anecdotes with philosophical notions. I admire how self-reflective and spiritual she is (I wish I had more of those qualities!) but the book starts to border on preachiness where she talks like she’s giving a sermon. And there was one random chapter where she talked about unlearning racism and I was just like… ok good for you I guess? This is definitely the kind of book that I can see white feminists and religious liberals eating up, I’m just not quite in that demographic haha.

Katie

Rating: really liked it
I wanted to like this book and I am sure for most this book is inspirational and empowering. I agree with her core message, I just found the whole book annoying. I can’t put my finger on it.

Heather F

Rating: really liked it
Bland White feminism, paired with self-fan fiction.

Roxane

Rating: really liked it
I'm not the target audience for this book, but I am glad she found her path and a loving partner.

Katie Hilen

Rating: really liked it
According to my kindle, I made it 71% of the way through this book before I called the time of death. The themes of honoring yourself, busting societal boundaries, and fighting inequality were appealing and honorable. But they didn’t feel honest. Glennon uses direct quotes to express exchanges that happened years prior. The quotes are too perfect. It’s the phrasing we’d use if we had years to reframe conversations and an editor to clean up the narrative. She’s lead a remarkable life. I’m sure the polishing was intended for the ease of the reader, but it created a disconnect I couldn’t see past.

Kristi

Rating: really liked it
I wish I could UNREAD this.

Nilufer Ozmekik

Rating: really liked it
Did you hear choo choo sound of disappointment train! Yes, I heard it, I’ve been there, done that! And can you feel the approaching steps of “unpopular review”: yes, it’s coming right now…One step, two step, three step: And here we are: I’m about to give two stars one of the books inspired and got so many great reviews from the readers. I wish I could be one of them. I wish I could carry a happy smile after reading this memoir and clap my hands to show my devotion and respect to the author. Nope, it’s not gonna happen!

Firstly: I felt like I turned myself into a Foucault Pendulum because my feelings kept swinging between love and hate. I didn’t have so many negative and positive reactions to a book at the same time. But unfortunately negativity defeated the power of positive thoughts.
The beginning of the book was so promising: Glennon is strong woman: recovered alcoholic, bulimic, humanitarian, activist, wife and mother of three falls in love. At the first time in her life she knows the other person is the one: somebody truly stole her heart and finding your soulmate is just a start for her self-discovery and the beginning of self-journey.

I don’t have any problem about Glennon’s life choices and thoughts because I always show respect people’s decisions about their own lives even though I don't like those decisions. But sometimes putting someone’s needs before your own doesn’t mean you’re sacrificing yourself or you’re martyr of your damned path you chose for yourself. It means GIVING and SHARING. There is thin line between respecting yourself by choosing your own needs and being shellfish by always putting your own needs before someone else’s. In this book: I didn’t like the way of Glennon’s treatment to her loved ones and I found her tone harsh, self-righteous and close to be narcissist. When I’m reading the pages I feel like Taylor Swift’s “Me! Me! Me!” was playing over and over in my head.

At some parts way of telling her evolving life story was irritating. I just visualized her as a religious leader who thinks her devoted fans, worshippers may start to scream “Amen” for each word comes out her mouth because she just drew a portrait of herself similar to this vision At that part 80’s Madonna’s popular song started playing in my head with my alternated version; “ Glennon, don’t preach, I’m in trouble deep, Glennon, don’t preach I’ve been losing sleep.”

I am so happy her journey resulted well for her and she finally found her true happiness but her ways to earn that freedom in expanse to hurt the loved ones around her and the way of justifying her actions like “Her way or high way” kind of know-it-all communication style didn’t work well for me. Sorry that’s not the inspirational story I’ve been looking for maybe that’s about my character and the way of looking to the matters are quite opposite. I can accept the opposite opinions but that doesn’t mean they’re the right ones. There are so many different approaches and so many different angles of the reality.

I know Glennon doesn’t give any shit my opinion and anyone disagrees her meaningful, full of wisdom thoughts of hers. But I still write, express and tell how I feel. Sorry, it seems like I’m not the right reader for this journey!

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Lisa

Rating: really liked it
I guess I was expecting this to be more of a memoir rather than a lecture

Kelly Goodwin

Rating: really liked it
DNF

I got about 2 hours into the audiobook (18%) and had to stop.

She had me at first, with the cheetah story and being locked in cages created by those around us. How important it is to find our wild again, and let it be what dictates our choices.

But then she got into going into herself to find God, or the thing she no longer refers to as God, and letting that be what guides her decisions and she started to lose me.

I also lost count of how many times she said she was a bestselling author.

It also bothered me that she essentially told us that she wrote her last book dishonestly, in order to fulfill a narrative she had in her head, a vision of how she saw her life going. Makes me wonder how much to trust this one.

Justin Tate

Rating: really liked it
Love Warrior is one of my all-time favorite memoirs. I’ve never read an author be so honest about their flaws, so completely vulnerable and exposed to the world. With everything out on the table, she delivers stories that are truly gut-wrenching, inspiring, and ultimately uplifting. I recommend it to 100% of my writer friends who are working on memoirs. It’s that good.

Untamed is the follow-up to that book, and a lot has happened since then. Notably, Glennon has divorced her husband and married a woman. It’s immediately clear that she’s also coming into this book from a much stronger, healthier state of mind. For the most part, Love Warrior is about what it took to rise out of rock bottom. Untamed is about what it’s like to have learned.

A majority of the book--I’d say 60%--are the philosophies of Doyle as a woke feminist. She does a lot of before and after, such as this is what I used to think and this is what I think now. There are still revealing passages of vulnerability, which I find her greatest talent, but she also writes wonderfully from a position of strength. Her metaphor of a caged cheetah is an excellent opening that sets the tone for the book and her philosophies.

As for criticisms, I will say that most of the book is probably preaching to the choir. As a feminist I didn’t really need another rant on the depiction of women in magazines. I agree with everything she says, but there’s a brief stretch where it feels unnecessary to beat that dead horse.

Unlike the gritty truth of Love Warrior, I feel some of the anecdotes in here get cheesy. When describing her parenting strategies, for example, every line of dialogue comes out ‘Leave it to Beaver’ perfect, with her teenage children leaping to disown their cell phones, pick up extra chores, and talk about their deepest feelings in a car full of peers. I don’t doubt she’s a wonderful mother and I’m sure her children are angels, but please. I don’t even have kids and I rolled my eyes.

All in all, I think the book succeeds as a call to action, a form of group therapy, and poignant self-reflection. Women--and men--have bottled these feelings and been “caged” by them for centuries. It’s hard to read Doyle and not feel freed.

Deanna Bailey

Rating: really liked it
Since I am African/MexicanAmerican, I have a hard time reading memoirs sometimes especially when it is from the White Woman perspective, however I really enjoyed the story Glennon Doyle wrote. Doyle is able to write about finding and being true to yourself but is able to drop gems of information even though she comes from a place of privilege- which she acknowledges herself. I want to give this book to every person I know to read with the hopes that they take away from it what I did which is letting down your guard, being who you want to be, and having compassion for the world.

Jazmin

Rating: really liked it
I think this book is more self-help than it is memoir, and the memoir parts were way more interesting.
First off: I have a real problem with the author describing herself as “caged.” I think middle-class, college educated white women really overestimate and catastrophise the kind of disadvantages they face from being women. We are all certainly confined by cultural and social values that are arbitrary. I would not call being in an unhappy marriage “caged.” There are actual people in cages in America, they’re called prisons and detention centres. Some people can’t afford to feed themselves and their families. Some people are worried about getting shot by the authorities, or when they go to school. Some people have had their land stolen off them, and she’s living on it in her nice waterfront house she mentions. Just some perspective, middle class white women, would be GREAT.
The jargon. Omg the the metaphors and the jargon. It was all too twee and relentless. This woman sounds insufferable. She’s constantly proselytising to her friends these amazing sermons where she uses all these metaphors, and quite frankly, I do not buy that this author is that well spoken and articulate and enlightening at all times. NO ONE IS. It’s very “and then everyone clapped” tumblr story for me.
The peak sanctimoniousness of this book had to be where she mentioned that all her friends were activists and artists and therefore they just ~cared~ more deeply than us normie philistines. Or more than the people actually effected by the problems she and her friends are so nobly trying to solve. Also, it’s a weird policy to only be friends with people with mental illnesses. I didn’t find that funny, just a really reductive assessment of mental illness as something that makes someone inherently more interesting.
I don’t want to sound really curmudgeon-y about this book, because I certainly did take some valuable insights from it, but I was largely rolling my eyes at the incessant metaphors and anecdotes where the author always says perfect things to people that encapsulated both their problems and solution. Permission slips. Your knowing. You could actually play a drinking game for every time she mentions that she wants to make a true, beautiful life. Good luck to anyone uncynical enough to find this shit helpful and revelatory, that means you’re definitely the kind of person that does hot yoga and has some “nevertheless she persisted” merch and i feel entirely comfortable judging those kinds of people *shrug emoji*

Brat

Rating: really liked it
Only rounded up for Abby. Otherwise, this is too Rachel Hollis-y for me. Not sure where the hype for this book came from but... pretty cover!