User Reviews
Rating: really liked it
Well I wrote it, so!
I can’t wait for all of you to meet Corinne, my messy, complicated protagonist whom I love.
Rating: really liked it
Oooooof, this hit me right in the sad queer girl feels. I liked it so, so much.
TW: death of a loved one, alcoholism, homophobia, slut shaming
Rating: really liked it
I read this all through in a day whilst listening to my sad sapphic yearning playlist (yes, I have one of those) and basically it resulted in me crying a
lot.
this is a sad yet quietly beautiful and hopeful little book that had some aspects that unexpectedly dug a little deeper for me than they will do for some others, but I did really love it.
full review to come soon <3
> 4.2 or 4.5 stars*
two thoughts:
a) this cover is stunning
b) I am
absolutely going to need a box of tissues in reach before I start this, I can feel it in my bones
Rating: really liked it
“Now my heart is with a girl in a coffin in the ground. But that girl wanted me to be better, she wanted my heart to be in it, so I could keep running with her. So for her, I’ll try.”
Who I Was With Her is an incredibly powerful YA Contemporary about grief and figuring out what you want from life.
This story is about 17-year old Corinne, whose girlfriend, Maggie, suddenly dies in a car accident. But because both girls were still in the closet, nobody knew that they were in a relationship and so we follow Corinne as she tries to deal with this loss while nobody knows what Maggie meant to her.
So as you can tell from this synopsis, this is a very hard-hitting novel. The tone of this book is overall rather sad and melancholic and it is definitely not an easy read, so for sure be in the right headspace when going into this novel.
But it is also a very powerful read, that turns a devastating experience into a journey for Corinne to focus on herself and figure out what she really wants from life.
“I start to run down the hill, push myself as hard as I can. Running down this hill doesn’t feel quite like flying, not when I’m trying to pace myself, but it’s sure damn close. I just hope my wings don’t burn up in the sun.”
The grief depicted in this book is incredibly well done. Corinne feels like she no longer knows who she is without Maggie and she has trouble really defining for herself what not only the relationship but also this grief means for her when she can't even talk about it with anyone or be open about the way she is feeling.
There is also a lot of guilt that Corinne deals with. Whenever she feels a second of happiness or she is laughing with friends, she immediately has thoughts about how she can't believe she forgot about Maggie and her grief so easily.
And there is a lot of looking back to her relationship with Maggie and wondering about the way she behaved, how she should've reacted differently sometimes or certain things that she didn't know about Maggie.
All those aspects add to a very nuanced and realistic depiction of grief.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t be the girl she saw me as. I loved her, I loved her, I loved her. I don’t know who I am without her. She wanted me to be all these big, grand things; she had these dreams for us and—That’s not me. I am not out and proud; I am scared out of my mind. Maggie wanted, so I didn’t have to.”
The only person who knew about Corinne and Maggie's relationship was Maggie's brother, Dylan. They have a really messy but interesting relationship in this book too and you can always feel all the anger and sadness from the grief flowing into their conversations. But at the same time, you can also see how they both know they are two of the people who knew Maggie best and they definitely bond over that way more than they ever have before her death.
Dylan is also the one who introduces Corinne to Elissa, Maggie's ex-girlfriend. Now this is a storyline that honestly feels a little bit questionable in parts but ultimately also offers a lot of realistic aspects. Dylan hopes that Corinne can find some comfort with Elissa, as they have dated the same person and can lean on each other.. and they do, which quickly turns into there being some chemistry between the two.
This all happens not too long after Maggie's death and throughout the book you are definitely questioning the nature of these feelings. I felt like this aspect was handled okay and was very much just another part of Corinne's grieving process but I also wish it would've been explored more and especially sooner in the book.
Especially the power dynamic between the two was off sometimes. Corinne is 17 and still goes to high school while Elissa is 19 and at college and Elissa also reads older than 19 to me personally. On top of that, she was definitely placed in this book as someone that Corinne could lean on for support while dealing with her girlfriend's death. While I understood where Corinne's attraction and thoughts about Elissa came from, I really would've wanted for Elissa to be more of a sensible and responsible person in this scenario. Obviously she is also still quite young and grieving too and you can tell she has her doubts about this whole situation sometimes but I wish it would've been on-page a little bit more, especially when it feels like, again, her purpose in this book was to help Corinne with her grief. It just made me feel weird and slightly uncomfortable about their dynamics sometimes.
“I thought I didn’t have more tears left but I guess I do, because I’m crying into her shirt, because I don’t want her to lose me, either. I don’t want to be lost. ”
This story also very heavily deals with Corinne's family relationship. Her parents are divorced and her mother struggles with alcoholism. While the divorce was a while ago, we can still see Corinne struggle with it and especially feeling like her dad just abandoned her mum and her alcohol issues, which Corinne now has to deal with herself.
Apart from the obvious sapphic storyline and Corinne being bisexual, we also have an asexual side-character, Julia, who figures out that she is asexual and finds this label for herself throughout the story. I thought that it was a really well-done element and showed that this is an aspect that can be easily packed into a side-storyline, while still being done with care.
In general, the friendship between Corinne and Julia, who is her best friend, was a really interesting and nuanced aspect of this book too. Their friendship definitely suffered in the past year because Corinne spend so much time with Maggie and also could never tell Julia what she was doing and so that definitely created a rift between the two. Within this book, they find their way back together and I very much liked seeing their development throughout.
They also had a short but important discussion about privilege, as Julia is a woman of colour, as is her boyfriend, but I think there is no description beyond Julia having "deep brown skin".
On top of all that, this book obviously also has a huge focus on coming out and talks a lot about how different circumstances can really influence your experience with coming out. All the actual on-page coming out processes are super good experiences and show that it is also different for everyone but there are definitely discussions in this book that are quite tough when it comes to other people pressuring you into coming out or making you feel not valid for being scared to do so. I think that it was a well-done aspect and the discussions were always nuanced, where you could understand everyone's POV but I definitely think that in part it very hard to read.
“This is my coming out. One person at a time. No big statement, no grand gesture. Only people I want to tell. Why should I come out the way everyone else wants me to?”
I also very much enjoyed the form of storytelling. We go back and forth in time, to when Corinne and Maggie met or had their first kiss and then back to the current times. This worked perfectly for this kind of book! Plus, all the chapters, but especially the ones in the past, where super short, which is honestly my favourite kind of chapters.
This book also talks about Corinne getting her period and masturbating and there is a sapphic sex scene (with an emphasis on consent) that is not explicit but still makes it very clear what is happening, which are all elements I am always glad to see in YA.
“I have stopped counting how long it’s been since she died. She deserves to be remembered, not measured by the days of my grief or how long it’s been since she left. She deserves to be remembered for who she was.”
Overall, this book just deals with so many different things, so many messy characters and relationships but I enjoyed reading about it all so much. There is a lot of guilt-tripping and forcing people to do stuff and not accepting what people want and changing who you are or what you want for another person.. but after finishing the novel you are left with a sense that all these characters have learned from their mistakes and really developed as people.
And that, ultimately, is all that I wanted as I was reading the book.
The aspects are very nuanced and I am deeply impressed with how many topics were packed into this short Contemporary novel.
If you can handle the tougher themes within this book, it definitely comes with a huge recommendations from me.
Trigger and Content Warnings for loss of a loved one, car accident (off-page), grief alcoholism, underage drinking/alcohol abuse.
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I received an ARC through Edelweiss in exchange for an honest review!
Rating: really liked it
stories with bisexual protagonists dealing with grief? my kink i guess.
Rating: really liked it
Who I Was With Her is a novel about grief, acceptance and finding yourself. Corinne Parker’s girlfriend, Maggie, dies suddenly and tragically in a car crash and we follow Corinne as she deals with this loss. The situation is made more difficult because Corinne isn’t out and no one knew that the girls were together. Grieving publicly means outing them both and Corinne isn’t prepared to do that. Instead, she finds solace in Maggie’s ex, the only one who understands.
I was hesitant going into this book because I do not like sad books (although my Goodreads favourites shelf would disagree). I tend to avoid this type of book because I have this idea in my head that they’re all slow and depressing and boring.
Who I Was With Her easily destroyed that idea and all my expectations. Don’t get me wrong, it is definitely a sad book but it is also so much more.
What really surprised me about this book was the pacing - I associate books dealing with grief and loss with a much slower pace but the fast pacing used here worked perfectly. It felt like the reader was taken along for a ride in Corinne’s life where things kept happening, even as she mourned; where life kept going despite Maggie’s death. The use of flashback chapters to the time before Maggie’s death also helped move the story forward. These flashbacks provided depth and background to the girls’ relationship and made Corinne’s grief all the more palpable. I adored how short chapters were used to create this effect of time moving faster and they made the book so easy and quick to read.
This book explored grief very honestly, showing it to be complicated and messy and difficult. I, thankfully, haven’t experienced grief on such a large scale but the way it’s presented here felt very real to me. Another important theme in this book was acceptance. This is a theme I find really interesting, particularly in the way it interacts with sexuality. In
Who I Was With Her, Corinne was struggling with accepting her bisexuality. She was terrified of losing the acceptance of her peers and family, of being judged and talked about by strangers. This fear is such a big part of her character and Nita Tyndall explored it with a lot of nuance and sensitivity. None of the characters in this book were perfect, they were all messy and all made mistakes and I loved it. It’s so important to have teen characters being teens in YA and to show that it’s okay to be imperfect and get things wrong sometimes.
I don’t really have any complaints about this book. The only thing I would say is that I wanted
more. I wish it had gone harder and sadder and truly broken me (yes, this from the girl who doesn’t like sad books). It felt like I was waiting for something more to happen, for something that would really hurt me.
Overall, I really enjoyed this book. With authentic characters and raw moments,
Who I Was With Her explored important themes with nuance and honesty and carried a really important message of self acceptance and doing what’s right for yourself.
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*eARC received in exchange for an honest review via the publisher and Edelweiss*
Rating: really liked it
[Loss of loved one, sexual content, biphobia, alocholism, slut-shaming, trying to force someone to come out. (hide spoiler)]
Rating: really liked it
This book really just ripped my heart out of my chest -- repeatedly. The premise of this book tells you that it's going to be painful to read, but going into it, I don't think I quite realised just how much this book would hit me. This story is stunning, captivating and the pain and grief is so, so raw. The dual timeline was super helpful to driving the story forward and giving us some insight into the characters and how they got to where they are now.
A gorgeous, heart-wrenching story about grief, self-acceptance and sexuality.
1st read: 4th July 2020
2nd read: 4th November 2020
Rating: really liked it
This sounds like it’s going to wreck every inch of me and I’m going to love it 😬
Rating: really liked it
fuck. i don’t remember the last time i actually cried while reading. so much of this book hit home for me; i can’t recommend it enough.
Rating: really liked it
I cried my way through this. Literally. I have a headache now from crying so much. But it was just so damn good.
I expected the book to be mainly focused on the theme of grief, and it was, and it was very sad. But it also dealt a lot with the pressure to come out, and how terrifying it is to come out, and not being sure if you even want to. This resonated with me a lot.
Rating: really liked it
anyways I just started crying reading something the author tweeted about this so I think the book itself is going to BREAK me
Rating: really liked it
Corinne always expected a nightly text from Maggie. The text never came. The next day at school, her cross country teammates were causally discussing the death of girl from a car crash. The girl was the captain on the cross country team from their rival school. Maggie was the captain of that team from their rival school. Corinne heard Maggie’s name. Maggie was dead. Her secret girlfriend of almost a year was dead… and Corinne had to hide her tears and grief for the girl she loved and could no longer be with. So began this story of Corinne’s life told in alternating chapters: remembering life with her girlfriend and the numbered days coping with her grief and life without her.
This was an interesting storyline that dealt with such topics as race, sexuality and asexually, divorce, the importance of scholarships for college, alcoholism, and fear of coming out. There were many diverse characters. Some of the characters were likable and others were not.
The problem I had with this story had to do with its main character. I understood Corinne had to deal with a lot of problems such as her alcoholic mother and the pressures of coming out, and I did feel sorry for her in the first chapter after she found out her girlfriend was dead. But soon thereafter and throughout the story, I found her to be too selfish and self centered in terms of her relationship with her girlfriend Maggie and her cross country teammates. She was also selfish in her relationship with Elissa, Maggie’s ex girlfriend when they first met at Maggie’s funeral. It seemed like she just used Elissa for her connection to Maggie. Corinne was all over the place in her thoughts, actions, and feelings.
Her actions were also quite questionable regarding a college scholarship.At this point in the story, we understood her reasons for running, but the consequences of her actions were very selfish. Corinne was actually called out for being selfish, but nothing really changed.
The story was well written, and I did enjoy the other characters, especially Corinne’s best friend Julia who had a different type of coming out. I looked forward to her scenes throughout the story. If Corinne was less selfish in general, I would have found her to be more likable. But I think teens and YA will enjoy the high school setting and its drama.
An ARC was given for an honest review.
Rating: really liked it
"I am a girl with a secret.
(I am a secret.)"
Rating: really liked it
”take a breath. look in the mirror. say it again.
‘i’m bisexual.’
i burst into tears.”
told in the timelines of “before” and “after,”
who i was with her is the story of corinne— a closeted bi girl whose secret girlfriend dies suddenly, with no one knowing about their relationship.
this is a book about coming out. and not just in the way were used to seeing in queer narratives.
this is about coming out to yourself. admitting to yourself who you are, saying those words out loud to your reflection for the first time. understanding yourself.
this is about deciding whether or not you can or you will or you should come out. about deciding for yourself if you’re safe, if it’s necessary, if it’s anyone’s business but your own.
this is about coming out because you think it’ll make someone else happy. about possibly going public with your relationship. about the pressure a partner can put on you to do so. about knowing how to handle that pressure.
so slight spoiler alert: my only qualm about this book—which i did very much enjoy and will be thinking about for a long time—is that i wish corinne stood up for her decision to not come out. she is pressured by multiple people throughout the book, in both timelines. she does start to understand that this is wrong at the end, but i wanted her to be more vocal about it. maybe she wasn’t ready. maybe it was something she was still learning to say. and that’s okay. maybe me putting pressure on her to stand up for herself is no better than others pressuring her to come out. but i so badly wanted her to say it.
so let me say this:
coming out is yours. sometimes the only person you come out to is yourself. or strangers on the internet. or your best friend. or the person you’re dating. and no matter who knows or who doesn’t know, it’s a beautiful thing to be you. and no one gets to decide if you come out or not, no matter how much you love them or they love you.
nita tyndall’s writing is fantastic throughout the book—there’s a lot about it to love. i love stories about grief. there’s so many different ways to grieve, and the exploration of these ways really interest me. the running metaphor throughout the book? i lived for every moment of it. i know i’ll be thinking about this book for a long time.
content warnings: death by car accident, biphobia, parent with alcoholism.
//
just.
holy heck.
maybe closer to like. 4-4.5 but i’m giving 5 stars because i’m gonna be thinking about this for a long time.
